mirrorman2
Member
- Mar 22, 2025
- 15
ive been waiting for this since i graduated high school.
ive been running with the same group of guys since elementary school. the last few weeks have just been so toxic. calling each other horrible things, making fun of sensitive shit, just nasty shit. today has been the worst mental health day ive had in a few months and i just decided im done with them. they definitely know about my suicidality and im a little concerned they might send the cops at me. if that happens i dont really know what im going to do, i dont really know if i would have a choice, but that would surely mean institutionalization. this isnt the first time ive cut them off, but its been a few years, and this time its the last time. this is one of the things that ive had to do for a long time.
i feel a little nauseous and the anxiety is just really horrific today. ive been swinging between numbness and rage. i know how to control my anger but anger as it manifests from depression is just a different beast. it just makes me feel so bitter and sarcastic, but only self-directed. my inner voice is quick. my internal monologue is an unending playback of the most cutting self-criticism. i am very good at thinking of the things that make me the most rejected or ashamed in order to keep my mental spiral going.
but this is just one more thing off my checklist. doesn't mean i feel good about it.
this was the bravest thing ive done in a long time.
ive been running with the same group of guys since elementary school. the last few weeks have just been so toxic. calling each other horrible things, making fun of sensitive shit, just nasty shit. today has been the worst mental health day ive had in a few months and i just decided im done with them. they definitely know about my suicidality and im a little concerned they might send the cops at me. if that happens i dont really know what im going to do, i dont really know if i would have a choice, but that would surely mean institutionalization. this isnt the first time ive cut them off, but its been a few years, and this time its the last time. this is one of the things that ive had to do for a long time.
i feel a little nauseous and the anxiety is just really horrific today. ive been swinging between numbness and rage. i know how to control my anger but anger as it manifests from depression is just a different beast. it just makes me feel so bitter and sarcastic, but only self-directed. my inner voice is quick. my internal monologue is an unending playback of the most cutting self-criticism. i am very good at thinking of the things that make me the most rejected or ashamed in order to keep my mental spiral going.
but this is just one more thing off my checklist. doesn't mean i feel good about it.
this was the bravest thing ive done in a long time.
