just wanted to get this off my chest here since nobody i talk to seems to understand at all. im a gay 18 year old and i hate it. this isnt some internalised homophobia bs like everyone keeps telling me, ive already accepted that im gay, ik that i cant change that. i just hate the experience of it, i hate how horribly lonely it is especially in a smaller town and when you want something more serious than just the casual one night stuff. i feel so isolated and lonely all the time. im turning 19 soon and havent had any romantic experiences whatsoever, whilst all my friends are in such happy and loving relationships and i dont care if you judge me for this but yes, im insanely envious of them, because its not fair at all. ive tried putting myself out there like everyone says to, but all i got were 30-50 year old men and even a 60 year old man messaging me. i so desperately just want to be loved gently like all my friends are, but it seems like whatever i do doesnt work because im just a body for other men to use. and yes, ive been wanting to die over this. i dont care how dumb it sounds, but i cant take it. i already feel like life in general has no meaning at all, but watching everyone around me getting what ive been yearning for so badly, living their happiest lives just hurts so bad and i cant stop thinking what ive done to get a life like this. why did it have to be me? was i that horrible of a person in a past life or something? im so scared of dying alone. i just want someone who makes me feel like its worth waking up every single day. im just really starting to feel like i wont find that person in this life. i dont want to accept that, but what other choice do i have? is there anyone else feeling this way?
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- Sep 6, 2024
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You are 18, going on 19.
Basically still a kid figuring out the world and you have plenty of time to meet people who may turn out to be significant others.
Your current experience is not emblematic of a future doomed to be alone.
You mentioned you live in a smaller town, so I'm assuming the pool for potential partners is slimmer than that of a city.
Do you plan on leaving town some day, maybe to go to college, or just to travel?
When you venture out into the world, you will open yourself up to new experience and a result, new people.Similar threads
