Venting I feel so lonely and sad

[TurboCharcha]

I've been disabled for more than two years now and somedays, like today, I feel so sad and lonely.

I lost frequent contact with so many people just because I cannot go out of my home as often anymore and, when I do, it's such a massive burden for my body and mind. Basically, I cannot have reliable relationships with healthy people anymore.

I want to cease to exist soooo badly because I just don't see how my situation could possibly improve and, even if it did, I don't like this world at all and wouldn't want to live in it even if I were healthy. There are so many terrible people, systems, relationships, illnesses, workplaces, families, etc. And when one is able to avoid many of those things, more often than not there is empty monotonicity and loneliness.

I am very afraid of committing suicide. Despite all the planning one can do, there is always that harrowing chance of surviving and witnessing how everybody around you (that may have not been around before the attempt) does everything in their power so you suffer even more than before, taking away autonomy and validation of will.

I wish I had access to the chat because I have nobody to talk to irl.

Thank you for reading this, stranger.

 

[sadalways]

Hey, just letting you know you aren't alone, i know how much being lonely can suck, it hurts really bad you will get the access to chat too, by the way, just need some more posts in the forum.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be free from it all, I'd also never wish to exist, I'd personally always prefer to not exist no matter what, to never suffer ever again really is all I hope for and is all I see as desirable. I'd also fear trying to die going wrong, it's so horrific to me how that can happen, I wish there's the option to just choose to simply cease existing in peace. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[SVEN]

Just stick posts up, Turbo, Offtopic is a great place to pop up any random thoughts or posts. Soon as you hit the requisite number of posts you'll be right into chat.

 

[TurboCharcha]

I wish there's the option to just choose to simply cease existing in peace.

Exactly. I wish this was possible too. It sucks that we don't get to choose whether we exist.

Just stick posts up, Turbo, Offtopic is a great place to pop up any random thoughts or posts.

Thank you. I'll check it out