Venting I don't want to connect with anyone

[gardenoflonely]

Nothing matters to me anymore, everyday is the same loop and the basics like talking, eating, etc feel like chores. I mean, is this it? This is what I'm being encouraged to live for? I want so much more for myself that I just can't seem to hold onto. I just feel nothing and that disconnect from finally being able to let go over having no control is the most happy I've felt in a while. I used to be so angry for not having anything, a job I liked, a good relationship with my parents, a marriage, hell even a stray cat off the street at this point. I wanted to feel that warmth of loving and taking care of someone/something but I've gone from being upset from struggling to make an authentic connection to just giving up entirely. It's not going to happen, or if it was, not in a reasonable time frame to be worth it. And I'm okay with that. It just would've been nice maybe.

 

[Hollowman]

I've given up trying to connect too. I tried and failed so many times.

 

[bipolar22]

I have my gf but I dont hsve friends really ans dont leave my condo. Disnt leave my condo for like 1 year now. Nothing out there tbh

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

"Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin."

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

Nothing matters to me anymore, everyday is the same loop and the basics like talking, eating, etc feel like chores. I mean, is this it? This is what I'm being encouraged to live for? I want so much more for myself that I just can't seem to hold onto. I just feel nothing and that disconnect from finally being able to let go over having no control is the most happy I've felt in a while. I used to be so angry for not having anything, a job I liked, a good relationship with my parents, a marriage, hell even a stray cat off the street at this point. I wanted to feel that warmth of loving and taking care of someone/something but I've gone from being upset from struggling to make an authentic connection to just giving up entirely. It's not going to happen, or if it was, not in a reasonable time frame to be worth it. And I'm okay with that. It just would've been nice maybe.

I'm sorry that your going through this, I know how it feels. I wish I had a genuine connection too.

I'm wondering what you think genuine connection is?

 

[gardenoflonely]

I'm sorry that your going through this, I know how it feels. I wish I had a genuine connection too.

I'm wondering what you think genuine connection is?

I think it's a different definition for everyone, but for me personally it just means a conscious effort on both sides. For eg. in highschool when I had no coping mechanisms for my anxiety it hit a peak and I was (temporarily) mute. I met someone who still formed a close bond with me though, choosing not to talk without me asking him to. He had his share of issues that I helped him with but that's not my story to share really. He's no longer in my life, people change and I can't stop that. It's really simple to connect with someone by meeting them in their "world" like that in my opinion but it always seems to get messed up by lust or greed or something. And in the cases where it doesn't, death still separates it.

 

[SASU-KE]

I've connected with a few people here but they've passed away.Lot more reluctant now.

 

[chaoschuckler]

I too stopped connecting with people because I get attached too easily, even without really knowing them. It started messing with my si because I'd begin thinking there was someone I could live for. It sounds silly since they were just kind strangers I met online , I hadn't even seen their faces.
So, I cut everyone off and started isolating myself. Now, I only want to connect with people who meet me in real life die with me

 

[interna]

i relate to this so much
i haven't been answering msgs nor talking to anyone for about 3 days now (which is very unusual for me) and i feel both relieved because i don't have to interact with anyone and overwhelmed cuz i feel bad for ghosting my friends. but i can't bring myself to try and connect, im so lonely and every attempt at connection just makes me feel loneliner and misunderstood . i feel like there's no point in trying to maintain relationships nor nurture them