The Disqualified
Disqualified as a Human Being
- Feb 4, 2023
- 248
Tonight it hit me again that I have no one.
Some specific circumstances in my life triggered this.
I really have nothing. I am a complete non-person.
I have no family
I have no friends
I have no romantic relationships
I have no community or social circle to speak of
My family is alive, but I am distant from them for good reasons.
I never had anyone I could call a true friend because no one ever connected to me or knows who I truly am like. All social interactions seem like a script to me.
I don't have any romantic relationships, clearly. I noticed many depressed and suicidal people here have had romantic experiences. I just feel so much pain that I feel like I would just be a burden to whomever I connect to.
I don't have any community or anything resembling an active social circle. I spend my days alone. I only meet people in places I have to, like college.
I have no one. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am fundamentally broken to the core.
Seeing people my age just reminds me of how much of an outcast I am. I don't even know how I can even begin to process the life I had to live.
I feel like everyone is having fun while I sit in my corner, pitifully. Actually, I can recall many moments of my life where I experienced this feeling: loneliness, rejection, feeling trapped.
I would either not even try due to my anxiety and avoidance, or botch any attempt at connection I make.
I improved a bit with therapy and meds, but, honestly, I still feel like the same person after all.
I have no one.
I could be talking to a room with crowds of people, but feel completely alone.
Sometimes I feel like the only person alive that feels like this, but it can't be.
This quote comes to mind:
"Mine has been a life of great shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being."
Some specific circumstances in my life triggered this.
I really have nothing. I am a complete non-person.
I have no family
I have no friends
I have no romantic relationships
I have no community or social circle to speak of
My family is alive, but I am distant from them for good reasons.
I never had anyone I could call a true friend because no one ever connected to me or knows who I truly am like. All social interactions seem like a script to me.
I don't have any romantic relationships, clearly. I noticed many depressed and suicidal people here have had romantic experiences. I just feel so much pain that I feel like I would just be a burden to whomever I connect to.
I don't have any community or anything resembling an active social circle. I spend my days alone. I only meet people in places I have to, like college.
I have no one. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am fundamentally broken to the core.
Seeing people my age just reminds me of how much of an outcast I am. I don't even know how I can even begin to process the life I had to live.
I feel like everyone is having fun while I sit in my corner, pitifully. Actually, I can recall many moments of my life where I experienced this feeling: loneliness, rejection, feeling trapped.
I would either not even try due to my anxiety and avoidance, or botch any attempt at connection I make.
I improved a bit with therapy and meds, but, honestly, I still feel like the same person after all.
I have no one.
I could be talking to a room with crowds of people, but feel completely alone.
Sometimes I feel like the only person alive that feels like this, but it can't be.
This quote comes to mind:
"Mine has been a life of great shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being."
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