Trigger warning- Curses and Sexual stuff
I keep fucking things up. I am already at the very bottom of my life at a very important year of life, when I am 19. I fucked this year up. I fucked my body, my academics, my career, my looks, my social life. I am so fucking angered with how everything keeps getting worse. I try! I fucking try but it's literally survival of the fittest out there unless you're okay with living like an insect.
Present day- I masturbated twice in a row. Fuck that was insanely taxing on my body. It might not have been a week since I last did it. Everytime I do it, my body worsens. My chest goes invisible and there's man boobs. My fucking height goes down 2 or something inches. My face bloats. My voice goes fucked up. All of this for some days.
Things were getting better! I was starting to go out and meet people, I met people today as well. I am going to meet people again after 20. I am scared now. I fucked my body up, I won't recover that well in 5 days. I keep making a mess out of myself. I won't ever be ready to go outside. I won't ever be like I used to be. People judge me and make fun of me for doing this to myself. There is not one good thing that this entire ordeal has gifted me.
I just, want to keep trying. I am not killing myself.
I keep fucking things up. I am already at the very bottom of my life at a very important year of life, when I am 19. I fucked this year up. I fucked my body, my academics, my career, my looks, my social life. I am so fucking angered with how everything keeps getting worse. I try! I fucking try but it's literally survival of the fittest out there unless you're okay with living like an insect.
Present day- I masturbated twice in a row. Fuck that was insanely taxing on my body. It might not have been a week since I last did it. Everytime I do it, my body worsens. My chest goes invisible and there's man boobs. My fucking height goes down 2 or something inches. My face bloats. My voice goes fucked up. All of this for some days.
Things were getting better! I was starting to go out and meet people, I met people today as well. I am going to meet people again after 20. I am scared now. I fucked my body up, I won't recover that well in 5 days. I keep making a mess out of myself. I won't ever be ready to go outside. I won't ever be like I used to be. People judge me and make fun of me for doing this to myself. There is not one good thing that this entire ordeal has gifted me.
I just, want to keep trying. I am not killing myself.
