IsolatedChaos
Member
- Dec 25, 2024
- 62
I can't live like this. I can't live here, in this country. I just can't. What's holding me back? Lets. Just. Fucking. Go.
I tell myself it's reckless, I tell myself I'll fail- why? What else? Stay here and fucking kill myself? Because that is 100% what will happen if I do.
You know, at around the 4883th time you open up your computer, search up flights, search up places to stay, search up prices of utilities in a fit of meltdown it is no longer an impulsive decision, it's a deep yearning for something I clearly actually want to do.
Would leaving my life entirely in 4 months be a little fast? Maybe. Would waiting a year or two make things any better? Absolutely not.
It's either this or suicide. This isn't to say I won't run into my emotions after this either, but being stuck in the hell hole that I am currently stuck in is a genuine source of a lot of my problems. So yes, it will solve some issues in my life. Maybe in order to not kill myself I should live a little.
Idk, I just needed to vent this.
I tell myself it's reckless, I tell myself I'll fail- why? What else? Stay here and fucking kill myself? Because that is 100% what will happen if I do.
You know, at around the 4883th time you open up your computer, search up flights, search up places to stay, search up prices of utilities in a fit of meltdown it is no longer an impulsive decision, it's a deep yearning for something I clearly actually want to do.
Would leaving my life entirely in 4 months be a little fast? Maybe. Would waiting a year or two make things any better? Absolutely not.
It's either this or suicide. This isn't to say I won't run into my emotions after this either, but being stuck in the hell hole that I am currently stuck in is a genuine source of a lot of my problems. So yes, it will solve some issues in my life. Maybe in order to not kill myself I should live a little.
Idk, I just needed to vent this.
