Context- I have been very isolated and introverted for the last 2 or something years. I just stay at my house and do not interact with people for the most part. I used to have a lot of people that I'd talk to, before this. Now, I don't have them around me.
The day before yesterday, two of my old classmates came to see me. I thought they were there to check on me because they had been coming to check on me or just meet me, a few times over the course of time. So i was really happy to be able to catch them around, be with them, talk stuff and even go outside! This was a massive deal for me because I don't really do that much. I felt like going outside this time. I wanted to. That was because I was confident to walk out in the open with them around. We went to a few places yesterday as well and we had quite a lot of fun.
This was all cool. I felt really good. I even appreciated them being there and I let them know that, a lot of times. We were sort of close when I was in school and we used to roam around and whatnot, a lot. I was there for them then, maybe that's why they try to be there for me today.
Although, they came to my home today as well. This was sort of different than the last few times where they'd check up on me in months and then not show up for a lot of time. I was glad they came though. It was until I found out the real reason and then it all went ugly. The day before yesterday was when we guys actually met one another in a long time. One of the first things one of them asked me was if I'd like to go on a trip with them. They already had a trip planned, they needed 4 guys but one of them bailed out possibly. They asked me that I explained it to them how it could be financially difficult for me. I pretty much made it clear that I would not go. Actually, I did make it clear I reckon. Anyways, even yesterday they asked me about it and I thought that were just playing around or something but I still made it clear that I was not going. Today though, they came to my house for the purpose of getting me to prepare for the trip apparently. They kept insisting on it but I kept explaining to them how I cannot possibly go. I even told them about my medical conditions, showed them my medicines, probably even the doctor's appointment slip ( I am not sure ) just to get them to understand the fact that I have O.C.D. and it would be very difficult for me to perform normal, socially. I just wasn't in the mental space to be out yet. On top of that, the fact that these people would put on stories or whatever of photos of the trip, would have made me even more anxious. So as to prioritize my mental well being, I explained everything to them and told them no. They threw a tantrum. This is the important part of the story They started saying things like if I wouldn't join them, they would stop visiting me or picking my calls. They said things like how they seem to be the most frequent of my visitors and how them being gone would devastate me. Reality check, it wouldn't be devastating for me if they were gone. But they said things to those effects and it really hurt me. I went with them to drop them off, I kept explaining to them about my issues and how I couldn't come but they sort of tried emotional manipulation and whatnot. I dropped them off and it ended on a very pissed note. They sort of ignored me or talked rudely. I was really hurt.
The thing that really hurts apparently is that I sort of begged them not to act like that or do those things, just to make them feel better or play along with their tantrums. I have never begged like that I guess. I don't mess with my self esteem. I don't mess with my confidence. I put those things down because of these two fucks. I was too swayed away in emotions and joy that I put other people above me and they fucked my mental opulence. FUCK!
This is sort of anxiety inducing, this whole thing. FUck!
MORAL OF THE STORY: DO NOT PRIORITIZE YOUR SELF ESTEEM OVER OTHER PEOPLE! YOU ARE SO ABOVE THEM.
pOST SCRIPT - Also, does anyone know how to deal with O.C.D. or impulsive thoughts about hurting other people or doing bad things in order to avoid this stupid thought that's in your head?? It's fucking so many things up for me. Help me!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this. Have a Great night.
The day before yesterday, two of my old classmates came to see me. I thought they were there to check on me because they had been coming to check on me or just meet me, a few times over the course of time. So i was really happy to be able to catch them around, be with them, talk stuff and even go outside! This was a massive deal for me because I don't really do that much. I felt like going outside this time. I wanted to. That was because I was confident to walk out in the open with them around. We went to a few places yesterday as well and we had quite a lot of fun.
This was all cool. I felt really good. I even appreciated them being there and I let them know that, a lot of times. We were sort of close when I was in school and we used to roam around and whatnot, a lot. I was there for them then, maybe that's why they try to be there for me today.
Although, they came to my home today as well. This was sort of different than the last few times where they'd check up on me in months and then not show up for a lot of time. I was glad they came though. It was until I found out the real reason and then it all went ugly. The day before yesterday was when we guys actually met one another in a long time. One of the first things one of them asked me was if I'd like to go on a trip with them. They already had a trip planned, they needed 4 guys but one of them bailed out possibly. They asked me that I explained it to them how it could be financially difficult for me. I pretty much made it clear that I would not go. Actually, I did make it clear I reckon. Anyways, even yesterday they asked me about it and I thought that were just playing around or something but I still made it clear that I was not going. Today though, they came to my house for the purpose of getting me to prepare for the trip apparently. They kept insisting on it but I kept explaining to them how I cannot possibly go. I even told them about my medical conditions, showed them my medicines, probably even the doctor's appointment slip ( I am not sure ) just to get them to understand the fact that I have O.C.D. and it would be very difficult for me to perform normal, socially. I just wasn't in the mental space to be out yet. On top of that, the fact that these people would put on stories or whatever of photos of the trip, would have made me even more anxious. So as to prioritize my mental well being, I explained everything to them and told them no. They threw a tantrum. This is the important part of the story They started saying things like if I wouldn't join them, they would stop visiting me or picking my calls. They said things like how they seem to be the most frequent of my visitors and how them being gone would devastate me. Reality check, it wouldn't be devastating for me if they were gone. But they said things to those effects and it really hurt me. I went with them to drop them off, I kept explaining to them about my issues and how I couldn't come but they sort of tried emotional manipulation and whatnot. I dropped them off and it ended on a very pissed note. They sort of ignored me or talked rudely. I was really hurt.
The thing that really hurts apparently is that I sort of begged them not to act like that or do those things, just to make them feel better or play along with their tantrums. I have never begged like that I guess. I don't mess with my self esteem. I don't mess with my confidence. I put those things down because of these two fucks. I was too swayed away in emotions and joy that I put other people above me and they fucked my mental opulence. FUCK!
This is sort of anxiety inducing, this whole thing. FUck!
MORAL OF THE STORY: DO NOT PRIORITIZE YOUR SELF ESTEEM OVER OTHER PEOPLE! YOU ARE SO ABOVE THEM.
pOST SCRIPT - Also, does anyone know how to deal with O.C.D. or impulsive thoughts about hurting other people or doing bad things in order to avoid this stupid thought that's in your head?? It's fucking so many things up for me. Help me!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this. Have a Great night.
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