Venting wish i weren't so pathetic

[tomatobastard]

I wish i didn't have so many things wrong with me, i wish i could be normal. it's exhausting just waking up everyday knowing how much of a loser i am. Nothing too bad ever really happened i just can't cope or keep up with life, i've been diagnosed autistic and bipolar since i was 12 tho so it might explain a bit. I recently turned 18 and i kept on telling myself from a young age that things will change and that it takes time but nothing ever happens. Every milestone i should be hitting i'm horrendously failing to meet, i haven't even graduated yet because i was a fuck up in freshman and sophomore year. Ever since i've been on a decline in academics, i don't believe that any college would want me after i finally graduate. I don't even know how to apply to college or what i even want to do, i used to have a plan but i don't even know what happened to that.

I would like to CTB asap but my parents are already dealing with a lot trying to sell our house and my mother dealing with her autoimmune. I don't want to put any more stress onto them. I know that some people here hate their parents for bringing them into the world, believe me i wish mine never did, i also know nothing will matter to me when im gone but i don't feel like it's right to leave them like that. I think i will have to wait a while before i go, i'm scared for what's to come and i'm scared that my fears will come to fruition that i will just forever be a useless loser working minimum wage while everyone else my age around me grows up and does something with their lives. Maybe i'm just insecure i think i can admit to that..

i just feel alone in my struggle, it seems like everyone i know has their shit together and i'm always playing catch up.

 

[burninghill]

Hi, I'm 20 and also autistic and bipolar. I'm sorry you're going through this stuff.

I understand the fear of being left behind in some kind of dead end job whilst everyone else excels beyond you.

I don't have a lot to say, but I promise that you're not alone. There's a lot of people on here who are in really similar situations.