Venting I can't keep doing this relationship.

[rail.tracerr]

My last post was about my girlfriend and how I feel like I'm falling out of love. It's so much worse and it's only been a few hours. Everything is going wrong and we feel so helpless. We can't do this relationship anymore, we can't take this. It keeps getting worse and worse and worse.

We don't want to go home. We don't want to spend another day with her. We are so tired and hurting so badly. We have to get out of this. We have to break up with her but we don't know how. We can't do this relationship anymore.

 

[inlify]

who is we?

 

[rail.tracerr]

who is we?

Me. I'm sorry. When I get. Really emotional sometimes I end up involuntarily using plural pronouns in reference to myself.

It's like a. Coping thing I think. I don't know all the details why I do it.

 

[virgilwalks]

Why do you need to end this relationship?

 

[rail.tracerr]

Why do you need to end this relationship?

For lack of better words, I have no autonomy. My messages on Discord are read whenever she feels paranoid that I might "do something". She enforces my bedtime like I'm a child. She says she can handle me with my disability and yet on the complete opposite end of the spectrum she tells me that she's tired from "doing everything for me" with the intent of making me feel guilty every time we get into fights. She demands and expects me to cure her boredom whenever she wants, and repeatedly demands art of me. She's pushy for sex when I'm a sex-repulsed asexual, and repeatedly makes comments on my body and gropes me even when I just want to rest. She does things that she knows bother me because my reaction is funny to her. She does things when I ask her not to *because* I asked her not to. She invades my privacy--if I even have any--and guilt trips me for doing activities without her from Artfight to even just interacting with my friends and our other partners.

I can't take it anymore. It makes me so anxious I just want to curl up and die. I feel as if I'm constantly walking on eggshells and neglecting my own mental state and physical body for fear of inconveniencing her. I feel so trapped that I feel like I have to ask permission to call my friends & other partners from her. I can't leave the house, I have no outside life that I can access easily. Everything is too far away.

On top of all of this, after our last fight she bought a weed pen and has continued to repeatedly get high even when I tell her it makes me uncomfortable, insisting "she'll be fine" and "won't get addicted". She got the pen 3 weeks ago and has been high almost every other day since.

I'm just...out of options. It's either leave or ctb and I don't want to hurt my other partners by dying.