Venting How one would feel before ctb?

[IHateTheBeach]

I planned to ctb but I got lazy and its been two months of no progress. I didn't even tied the rope to ceiling. I am confused if I am suicidal. I have been playing games fay and night. I am confused I want to unalive but I didn't try anything. tbh I am laughing and joking around. I want to die. No, I have to die. I tried to be sad thinking about the bad things but I will laughing the next second I see memes on Internet. I don't know what I should do. Sorry if my post is rude to you guys who actually wants to ctb. I just wanted answers. Even though it's a vent I don't feel any sadness. I am excited to listen music afterwards. I can't be like this.

 

[never mind me]

Why do you think you have to ctb? It sounds like you are actually ok with being alive for the moment and can enjoy some things like playing games or looking at memes. Why would you actively try to feel worse than you naturally do? Maybe just try to enjoy your good mood while it lasts. If it gets really bad again you can still ctb.

 

[IHateTheBeach]

Why do you think you have to ctb? It sounds like you are actually ok with being alive for the moment and can enjoy some things like playing games or looking at memes. Why would you actively try to feel worse than you naturally do? Maybe just try to enjoy your good mood while it lasts. If it gets really bad again you can still ctb.

I am Ctb-ing because my future won't be good. I am also slightly scared that I may hurt someone. I don't want to experience that future so I want to ctb but I don't feel suicidal. This behaviour is the reason I want to ctb. I don't care about others or something selfless I am just selfish and lazy. If this continues I may become homeless or get humiliated by society. So before that I have to ctb.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

I am Ctb-ing because my future won't be good. I am also slightly scared that I may hurt someone. I don't want to experience that future so I want to ctb but I don't feel suicidal. This behaviour is the reason I want to ctb. I don't care about others or something selfless I am just selfish and lazy. If this continues I may become homeless or get humiliated by society. So before that I have to ctb.

I only exist because i play games and i like music, my future wouldn't exist because i don't do nothing for myself..

I am Ctb-ing because my future won't be good. I am also slightly scared that I may hurt someone. I don't want to experience that future so I want to ctb but I don't feel suicidal. This behaviour is the reason I want to ctb. I don't care about others or something selfless I am just selfish and lazy. If this continues I may become homeless or get humiliated by society. So before that I have to ctb.

I will get homeless and humiliated too, and even worst if i don't ctb like you.

 

[IHateTheBeach]

I only exist because i play games and i like music, my future wouldn't exist because i don't do nothing for myself..

I will get homeless and humiliated too, and even worst if i don't ctb like you.

Looks like we are on the same boat. But I pretty sure yours would be more difficult.

 

[DeadManLiving]

At baseline, it's the worst possible feeling in the world.