How many of you have jobs?

[Spiral]

I am unemployed for a year. Before that I worked very hard, 16-hour shifts 7 days a week for 14 years with a few random years of unemployment mixed in when I hit rock bottom, I had too many employers in that time though, I lose jobs a lot because of my anxiety and panic attacks. I get unemployment benefit right now but its only temporary for COVID-19. I will ctb anyway so it doesn't matter.

 

[Cashewmilk]

Haven't worked in 10 years in a normal job, was a sex worker for 9 years...now I'm totally unemployed. I'm on a shitty version of disability, it's actually welfare but I have a doctor's exemption from looking for work, people who don't have that have to look for work every week and prove it in order to get the money, so shitty. It actually took me years to get onto it because they made it impossible and also kept cutting me off, one worker asked me "uhh isn't your depression gone yet? it's been over a year"... I hung up the phone after that. Luckily now it's been stable and I haven't been cut off in probably 4 years or so. I remember I had to go asking different doctors of mine to sign the forms, my family doctor was such an asshole, ugh, some people should just not become doctors or should stick to what they're good at, he should have referred me to a different doctor but he was so greedy for the money. Good thing he retired and now I have an okay methadone doctor who helps me a bit, but I think she's starting to get fed up with me, she's young around my age, and when she started at this job I became her patient, so I don't think she understands that people can be on methadone their entire lives, she expects me to just quit on my own just like that, but I'm hoping that she's finally realizing.

Gosh, I always thought doctors and highly educated people were very intelligent (because of society), but I learned the hard way and luckily at a young age that they are just normal sheep like everyone else, they just have more patience than most people. Not saying I'm smart or anything, I'm super slow with learning disabilities and I'm actually really dumb.

 

[restforeternity]

I have a part-time mindless job cleaning. I am earning something, kills time and get my blood pumping. I guess that's rewarding.

 

[olieolieoxenfree]

I've not had a legit job since 2017. My physical and mental health keeps me out of it. Still can't get SSI which seems completely impossible.

I've been completely isolated for the better part of 8 years now. Just contact with my family. 8 years ago was when I had to leave school and I only have about a month combined of working at jobs since then.

How many of you go to school or have a job? Or are you unemployed/not in school/on disability?

I have a job and work 40+ hours per week as a kitchen/banquet manager. I don't believe in mental disability. I believe anything mental can be worked with, and should not be something for someone to claim they are disabled with. After all, it is literally all in your mind. I got scared to death of social anxiety and quit two jobs because of it, but one day it literally just went away.

I've been unemployed for 6 months because of becoming a NEET but somehow now I'm better and working again.
I teach English to spanish and chinese speakers.

Sometimes you don't know how or why you are better, it just happens. It has happened to me and other people

 

[Spiral]

I have a job and work 40+ hours per week as a kitchen/banquet manager. I don't believe in mental disability. I believe anything mental can be worked with, and should not be something for someone to claim they are disabled with. After all, it is literally all in your mind. I got scared to death of social anxiety and quit two jobs because of it, but one day it literally just went away.

Sometimes you don't know how or why you are better, it just happens. It has happened to me and other people

Fix my psychosis then please. Mental disability is definitely real, and it also has physical side effects. Please do some research.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I do volunteer work on a community farm 3 days a week, or at least l did before covid-19, l hope to get back to it as soon as it's safe to do so, l enjoy it because l grew up on a farm and l can take my dog with me to work!

 

[Spiral]

People go to therapy to fix social anxiety, it will go away on its own once you stop playing the victim.

I quite clearly said psychosis which is not the same as social anxiety, but it's impossible to be having delusions and not get anxious about it. You are clearly not a medical professional or even a mildly knowledgable layperson, so it's probably best to refrain from giving mental health advice.

 

[Shadowrider]

Been self-employed for 12 years and failed. Being absent from regular job market for that long nothing awaits me here anymore. Not on benefits. Waiting for the right time.

You know, "regular job market" is my go-to expression when I am upset and start to swear.

I quite clearly said psychosis which is not the same as social anxiety, but it's impossible to be having delusions and not get anxious about it. You are clearly not a medical professional or even a mildly knowledgable layperson, so it's probably best to refrain from giving mental health advice.

Your struggles are valid.
Losing contact with reality does cause anxiety, having delusions will not just go away spontaneously - the same goes for severe anxiety - no matter what caused it.

 

[Raindryer]

So how do you support yourself?

I live with my parents.

 

[Water-Lily]

I'm on disability, but I do plan on going back to college this time for my bachelor's either in the fall or spring of 2022. I don't plan on working though until after college

same? Then again im a failure so I might not maintain a job

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Been self-employed for 12 years and failed. Being absent from regular job market for that long nothing awaits me here anymore. Not on benefits. Waiting for the right time.

I heard that 90% of businesses fail. I mean if you get an education in a field that really needs workers you'll probably be able to get hired if you have a good explanation for the gap (running a business is probably a good reason, lol) or some friends that can pretend to be previous employers.

 

[diyCTB]

same? Then again im a failure so I might not maintain a job

You can't function properly to be employed?

 

[Water-Lily]

You can't function properly to be employed?

thats how I feel. even if I did get employed id ruin it

 

[diyCTB]

thats how I feel. even if I did get employed id ruin it

Well when I got employed 2 years ago in electronics factory I got anxious. I think they wanted employee who learns things fast. I wasn't confident in myself. Environment didn't allow for errors. I tried to understand my work but was too slow and too careful. After a week I had to quit that job despite it being interesting. I didn't want to cause any problems for them and decided they will be better off without me.

 

[Water-Lily]

Well when I got employed 2 years ago in electronics factory I got anxious. I think they wanted employee who learns things fast. I wasn't confident in myself. Environment didn't allow for errors. I tried to understand my work but was too slow and too careful. After a week I had to quit that job despite it being interesting. I didn't want to cause any problems for them and decided they will be better off without me.

I feel that. though, maybe they didnt mind having you. I feel if they really didn't want you they would have fired you

but I get it. Like, I always feel wrong for taking up space. I was abused by so many people feel like I genuinely am shit

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Well when I got employed 2 years ago in electronics factory I got anxious. I think they wanted employee who learns things fast. I wasn't confident in myself. Environment didn't allow for errors. I tried to understand my work but was too slow and too careful. After a week I had to quit that job despite it being interesting. I didn't want to cause any problems for them and decided they will be better off without me.

I feel that. though, maybe they didnt mind having you. I feel if they really didn't want you they would have fired you

but I get it. Like, I always feel wrong for taking up space. I was abused by so many people feel like I genuinely am shit

Self-esteem and confidence are both nearly impossible to get hired without if you're looking for an entry-level job or if you're in a competitive field. Assuming you don't have good connections/referrals, of course. The hard task is to gain self-esteem and confidence whilst failing at job hunting, naturally they would have to be gained from somewhere outside of the regular spheres. So hobbies, exercise and if you're very lucky; relationships.

 

[diyCTB]

I feel that. though, maybe they didnt mind having you. I feel if they really didn't want you they would have fired you

A manager approached me and asked if I even understand anything. It kind of made me feel worse about myself and I said no. One employee said maybe I should ask to work in different department but I didn't want to feel embarrassed about myself and my slowness.

I am just incapable of working for others, especially around people. I can't do most of jobs. The only jobs I can do is dishwashing and floor mopping but I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this and being alone. Just not worth it.

 

[Squiddy]

same? Then again im a failure so I might not maintain a job

I don't know if I'll be able to maintain a job after college either, but I'm going to try. I know right now even though a few mental health people in my life have told me that I need a job now, I feel they're wrong and I'm 95% sure I'd be fired quickly so for the mean time, I'm just going to work on my mental health and also go back to college. If things don't work out, then ctb will be an option on the table

 

[Water-Lily]

I don't know if I'll be able to maintain a job after college either, but I'm going to try. I know right now even though a few mental health people in my life have told me that I need a job now, I feel they're wrong and I'm 95% sure I'd be fired quickly so for the mean time, I'm just going to work on my mental health and also go back to college. If things don't work out, then ctb will be an option on the table

You and I think the same. I relate to your pain. I agree, that if I magically get a job I will inevitably fuck up or abuse someone and then have to kill myself to escape punishment

 

[diyCTB]

@NomoreNormalcyHere Must be our perception of ourselves deeply ingrained in subconscious mind. Low-esteem, lack of confidence etc. that is a result of our past trauma.

 

[Water-Lily]

@NomoreNormalcyHere Must be our perception of ourselves deeply ingrained in subconscious mind. Low-esteem, lack of confidence etc. that is a result of our past trauma.

Mind if ask what your trauma was like. My apologies if that is too personal

 

[diyCTB]

@NomoreNormalcyHere I never felt at ease with people, except my mom. I can never be myself with others. I do not fit in and either stay quiet because I fear to be judged or I put on my mask to try to appeal to people and try to talk and show emotions. Both to me are not authentic behaviors.

But what led me to being avoidant person is my slowness and not getting what people communicate to me. It happens often when I don't catch up to dialog and find myself not getting them, especially complex communication. This does not happen in written communication almost but when it does, I can easily reread and understand. In verbal communication I feel embarrassed to ask people to repeat themselves.

Another thing is my high sensitivity to other people's mood and voice. I can feel when person is angry and it makes me feel bad about myself because I think they are angry at me when they can just have a bad day. If I talk on the phone and hear that a person on the other side is angry or acting like an asshole, I tend to think that it is me being at fault because I know I am slow and not always getting the conversation. Again it might be that people have bad day or just assholes in nature but I take those things seriously.

Speaking of trauma, I worked at a crappy job where I got my first depression. My boss was an egoistic unstable asshole. Nobody taught me that job and I had to learn it myself. Yet he was expecting me to know everything. Wherever I asked something or didn't know he acted asshole. One day I was asked to do something fast and did not know what exactly but I didn't want to return to him and clarify because I feared he would yell and look at me like on an idiot. So I didn't and completely forgot about task at hand. In the end I failed and he called me idiot and to go home. That caused me a great deal of stress that I cried at home and I quit that shitty job next month. It made me very vulnerable, stripped me of confidence and self-esteem and got me into several years of depression. I made a fatal mistake of going to that job because I was never same again and my life took a wrong turn to bring me to who I am today.

 

[Squiddy]

You and I think the same. I relate to your pain. I agree, that if I magically get a job I will inevitably fuck up or abuse someone and then have to kill myself to escape punishment

Yeah I'd probably fuck up. I hate how some of my family and a couple mental health people are like "get a job"...I have my reasons for not having one at this time and the more they try to pressure me, the more of a failure I feel and want to ctb...

 

[Skathon]

I have never had one.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I have a full time job. Most days it is ok, but some days I curse my life for having to deal with people. The job itself is quite allright and meaningful, but I am unfit to deal with people and their problems.

 

[diyCTB]

Yeah I'd probably fuck up. I hate how some of my family and a couple mental health people are like "get a have my reasons for not having one at this time and the more they try to pressure me, the more of a failure I feel and want to ctb...

Same. My mom cannot accept that I can't be helped and says to do something because there is always something that can be done. I have "schizoaffective disorder not else classified" and while I received disability benefits one year, I do no longer. I live with my mom and we depend on each other. She did a lot for me which makes it harder for me to CTB but I also don't want to see her go before me. I also don't want my SN to expire. I am stuck in a limbo.

I have a full time job. Most days it is ok, but some days I curse my life for having to deal with people. The job itself is quite allright and meaningful, but I am unfit to deal with people and their problems.

Mind if I ask what job it was?

 

[Polly1]

High pressure, incredibly demanding, high stress job requiring a professional degree. Definite contributing factor to the deterioration in my already questionable (understatement) mental health. Many regrets...

Same. But it's need the money to survive

 

[Callie Arcale]

Mind if I ask what job it was?

I try to be very cautious on this site and on internet in general. I had a bad experience in the past where I left out personal information to a guy from my own country, whom I thought had good intentions, but who turned out to be a bully. The whole thing scared the hell out if me. So I never give any details that could lead to someone idetifying me irl. I hope you understand :) All the best to you!

 

[Gaybonez]

I'm on disability, but I do plan on going back to college this time for my bachelor's either in the fall or spring of 2022. I don't plan on working though until after college

Why wait?

 

[Squiddy]

Same. My mom cannot accept that I can't be helped and says to do something because there is always something that can be done. I have "schizoaffective disorder not else classified" and while I received disability benefits one year, I do no longer. I live with my mom and we depend on each other. She did a lot for me which makes it harder for me to CTB but I also don't want to see her go before me. I also don't want my SN to expire. I am stuck in a limbo.



Mind if I ask what job it was?

Some of my mental health professionals have said I probably have Schizoaffective, but my diagnosis right now is bipolar and a few other things. I just wish people would leave me alone about the job. All they're doing is trying to make things worse and it might drive me to ctb. Just give me time and let me try to get on my feet first before attempting to get a job. Any sooner and there's a chance I might just SN.

Why wait?

This pandemic is making it hard to get back into college as I don't want to do online classes and would rather go in person so I'm waiting it out