How do you feel right now?

[JaJu]

The ones I vibe with the most are Song of storms and Town with an ocean view. But my preferred versions are actually variations of them

Thanks for posting—enjoying the song of storms by lilypichu as I wind down for the day.

Hectic, busy, exhausting day at work. Head spinning, forgetting things, feeling like I still need to do something but can't quite think of what that is. I feel like due to years of depression, isolation, and not taking care of myself at all (rotting), my brain doesn't work very fast or very well at all. And with this being such a fast-paced job, who knows how long I'll be allowed to stay on board... especially with so many younger ones joining the team with quick and bright minds.

At least I can sleep in tomorrow

 

[Ash]

Stressed, anxious, pounding headache, can't deal with any more rubbish today but the boiler is playing up, my laptop is being weird and my cuts bled through in the night again so that's another nightshirt soaking in a bucket.

 

[AlexYaBoy]

Outside, looking at the setting sun. Missing somebody.

 

[PanaxMan]

Absolutely dogshit. and tired

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I feel alright I guess. A little nervous for tomorrow, technically today but I haven't gone to sleep yet.

 

[arnxxx]

Every day seems worse than the last. I get frustrated, scream, hit stuff, cry uncontrollably. Nothing gives me relief. I can't handle it any longer and I don't want to live any longer.

I tried everything from meds to therapy and shit is just getting worse and worse. My parents are very patient with me and I see them daily but even they don't know what to do for me. The morning bicycle ride doesn't help. I got overwhelmed by bad feelings and we had to go back. My mom will come shortly and we have to do that again. Would be fine IF IT WORKED.

Life is torture right now.

 

[Ash]

I've fixed the laptop so a bit less stressed.

 

[hot]

Its okay, iam feeling alright. This week was better then the last.

Its okay, iam feeling alright. This week was better then the last.

now i feel like shit again i hate borderline

 

[soulkitty]

I woke up feeling really sad and really angry. Probably triggered by the dream I had. I question if I really deserved for my friends to turn their back on me. For one of them to persuade me and make false promises just to have sex with me. Then end up blocking me everywhere. Honestly good that they blocked me. I wish I was the one who did the blocking first that way to make sure they never unblock me and speak to me again. I think people who hurt me like that, I think they don't belong in my life. No matter how much I love them. Even if I have know them for 17 years. God it still hurts so bad though. But honestly fuck them….I'm so so tired of this….so tired…..

 

[Ash]

Physically and emotionally tired. Very detached. About to have something to eat, do the washing up and then head back to bed for a very early night.

 

[broth0100]

fine but im just thinking abt killing myself, idk

 

[Eridanos]

Outside, looking at the setting sun. Missing somebody.

Watching the sunset while being empty inside is one of the best and worst feelings in the world

 

[terra.nuvo]

I'm feeling so stressed out about life rn and I don't know how to make it stop. I'm terrified of the future and feel like nothing is gonna get better. I hate this life.

 

[voc_89]

Anxious/down. Going to meet a friend for drinks. Gonna have to fake it so hard.... put on one hell of a charade

Edited: just got back home. Idk I think I sold myself well. Idk. Putting on this mask is just getting harder and harder....

 

[Ares]

Plain..? I'm not sure if that's the right way to describe it. A lack of anything negative or positive. Neutral. Yes, that's more accurate. A bit tired as well.

 

[Ash]

Tired. Bad headache. Trying very hard to avoid thinking about day after day after day of this, even when my mental health seems ok.

 

[shtangley01]

Tired. Just turned in half an essay for a class I'm failing cuz I waited till I was done with the last two to turn them in. (30 minutes past the deadline). Also, excited, I'm looking forward to gifting my old highschool drama teacher a brand new copy of House of Leaves and one of my friends my old copy of Small Gods. Also, worried, last thursday I ranted and raved about discworld to a prospective friend and I'm worried that I dominated the conversation, right after we'd bonded over how the rest of our little group is kinda distant. Also worried, because I recently reconnected with an old friend, only to find that they've changed a lot in the years since we were speech and debate buddies. Also, insecure, because I haven't talked to some of my friends in a few days and am quietly worried that they've somehow come to hate me since we last spoke. Also hungry. Also tired, I'm failing two classes and would much rather be dead than academical. Also, tired, its midnight.

 

[Ash]

And now the dog's decided she's not well. I want to look after her but I just do not have the headspace for this today. And I'm hating myself for admitting that.

 

[Guy089001]

Like an Evil has been vanquished, but the village is in ruin, and we are counting our dead and boys are staring at the burning houses in that mediating somewhereness; silence. Trauma, or some stage of it.

 

[Meteora]

Anxious/down. Going to meet a friend for drinks. Gonna have to fake it so hard.... put on one hell of a charade

Edited: just got back home. Idk I think I sold myself well. Idk. Putting on this mask is just getting harder and harder....

What would happen if you wouldn't put on the mask, if I may ask?

________________________________

I wish I was dead that's all.

 

[arnxxx]

Another morning, another day living in sadness and anxiety. Have to do my taxes but I can't even do my daily chores without intense mental pain. Live has been torture for almost a year now. Why can't it just STOP. I would give up on my life savings just for returning to normal.

Over two years burnout, almost a year this severe depression. I don't think I'll ever ctb. I onlu think about it a lot.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I feel drunk again but this time I wasn't alone so it's pretty great. I found out some neat facts too.

 

[Ash]

I am so close to doing something stupid and impulsive. Ironically I think it's the migraine stopping me. Even more ironically it's the call I made to the Crisis Team that tipped me over the edge. Why do they employ films people who are so excellent and then others who only want to fix problems (that can't be fixed) and don't want to actually listen, even when the care plan and the person on the phone are asking them to do just that?

 

[voc_89]

What would happen if you wouldn't put on the mask, if I may ask?

________________________________

I wish I was dead that's all.

Probably destitution. It may sound extreme but if I don't act like a normal adult my chances of having a somewhat normal life will greatly diminish. I am sure many here are like this. Hiding their true feelings/emotions/desires cause they know if they were to come out life as they know it will change forever (and most likely for the worst).

 

[Meteora]

It may sound extreme but if I don't act like a normal adult my chances of having a somewhat normal life will greatly diminish.

It doesn't sound extreme, I perfectly understand and relate. Guess I was too stupid to consider that fact in my life, though. So I took off the mask and here I am, broken, on the floor, nobody takes me seriously anymore and I of course feel more devastated than ever.

 

[voc_89]

It doesn't sound extreme, I perfectly understand and relate. Guess I was too stupid to consider that fact in my life, though. So I took off the mask and here I am, broken, on the floor, nobody takes me seriously anymore and I of course feel more devastated than ever.

I am so so so so sorry that u are going through this. I don't blame u trying to be u. All the normies say... just be u... everything will work out once u are honest. I was, smh, fortunate to figure out this was a lie in my late-teens. I was open and honest (to other adults) about my parent's latest partner being emotionally abusive and nothing happened (one example... i got a scholarship to study abroad and they burnt my passport... i guess they didnt want me to escape being their 'punching bag'). That taught me. Always keep the mask on. Don't drop it. I am so so so sorry about your situation. I really hope it improves. My complaint is only... the mask gets HEAVY

 

[Meteora]

I am so so so so sorry that u are going through this. I don't blame u trying to be u. All the normies say... just be u... everything will work out once u are honest. I was, smh, fortunate to figure out this was a lie in my late-teens. I was open and honest (to other adults) about my parent's latest partner being emotionally abusive and nothing happened (one example... i got a scholarship to study abroad and they burnt my passport... i guess they didnt want me to escape being their 'punching bag'). That taught me. Always keep the mask on. Don't drop it. I am so so so sorry about your situation. I really hope it improves. My complaint is only... the mask gets HEAVY

Thank you... there were plenty of signs that people are not trustworthy. I just didn't want to believe it. Guess I thought there must be some good ppl somewhere. I was so wrong and now it is too late. The damage is more than done and I don't find the way back. Lost in the jungle of manipulation, don't even know who I am anymore.
How crazy can ppl be to burn a passport? I m speechless (although I experienced similar things).

 

[voc_89]

Thank you... there were plenty of signs that peoole are not trustworthy. I just didn't want to believe it Guess I thought ther must be some good ppl somewhere. I was so wrong and now it is too late. The damage is more than done and I don't find the way back. Lost in the dungle of manipulation, don't even know who I am anymore.
How crazy can ppl be to burn a passport? I m speechless (although I experienced similar things).

There are good people still out there (imo it's clear that most on this forum are... we just broken). I do hope that you find some salvation. Sigh at the passport. From what I've been through... i never underestimate the maliciousness of 'normies'

 

[Meteora]

There are good people still out there

Hm where are they, except from here?
Would like to meet them in rl.

From what I've been through... i never underestimate the maliciousness of 'normies'

You resmart, you re wise.... I ve been through so much as well and haven t learned it, yet.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

In pain. Forgot my RLS meds again