how do you feel right now? don’t even think about it, just type.

[EmptyBottle]

I was okay until you mentioned being productive but I don't hold that against you.

[partially undone posting, quote below can remain]

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

oops.

Hmm, how's ur gameplay going? I got Minecraft as a gift, and come to think of it, some TNT run / Natural Disasters minigames on Hypixel seem nice ... :3

Can we please stop hogging the fucking thread?

 

[somethingisntreal]

Been thinking a lot about this post from @NutOrat

 

[skiski_what]

Like a fake. Super guilty. Psychosis maybe. Insomnia is keeping me up against my will rn, I just want to be able to sleep.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I have a dreadful gut wrenching pit in my stomach— I don't know why…

 

[NutOrat]

Been thinking a lot about this post from @NutOrat

Oh I almost forgot about that, damn, that was back in October? Anyway I should be flattered, this is from when I could still form coherent thoughts in my head I think. Main reason I write this is to confirm that the point stands 100% still and nothing changed since then, not for the better anyway. I wonder how much more can people tire of my shit until they actually say what they think (i.e. this)?

 

[Sakura.]

I just wish that the others would treat me as a human. Is it really that much to ask... ?

 

[Theresnoescape]

Empty, crushed and really really sad

 

[gameovergirlie]

wondering when all the self imposed guilt will subside and i can actually do something about this

 

[Sakura.]

I just can't wait when I will commit suicide...

 

[itsgone2]

Regret is awful. I want to die but also want my life back to do it right.

 

[Thisiscertainlyause]

I'm confused, sad, lost. My main method is not going to work, not without higher risks than I'm willing to take. sometimes I think I can live, but that sadness just fills inside of me, I don't know what it is, a mix of loneliness, regret, guilt. I don't think I can fix myself from here and I want to leave, I wish it was easier :(

 

[StardustWeAre]

Bad. Don't know what method to choose, even with instructions can't figure out how to do it cause I'm too stupid. I'm also afraid of a possibility of a reincarnation.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I feel surprised that prayer helped, I was supposed to be going for a Marian Procession but got ready too late, got locked out of the house (and had to get in via a window lol), then after eating, etc... I prayed the Rosary, and straight after, found the motivation to spend 1 hour (longer than average) or so on a cloud task (and write several more points before submitting this post).

 

[EmptyBottle]

irl made me cry.

It started off as a regular evening, with dad remarking about how the house was somehow 21C (naturally), despite outside being colder.

Stupid me admitted to running folding@home to him (it's a program that does science work, indirectly producing heat in the process) and he told me "it's not giving you any benefit, you've been running it for ages", etc. I tried to mention how it's helping with protein folding, and more, but dad and a sibling weren't willing to listen, talking about how it's "not safe" (despite ChatGPT saying it is)

Even after talking to ChatGPT, they still were unwilling to even discuss it further. They said that ChatGPT can say anything I tell it, and I proved their claim false (ChatGPT responded that the earth is round, despite input claiming it was flat), they still stood firm.

but worse, eventually came to the conclusion (after suggesting I give them money, etc... I told them that I understand it costs to run the Folding PC and I won't... they wanted me to admit to the lie that folding was bad... I didn't and they got madder ) that all my devices should be taken away, I briefly pretended to pack them up before dad (after getting louder, coz I'm blocking my own room door) goes out of the house to the fusebox, and removes power to my room.

When he returned, and I mentioned I'm using hotspot, he threatens to get that cancelled. After Tor fails to connect (probably a glitch, but the risk of it being cancelled made it almost futile to try, I shut down the laptop for a bit), I say I'm willing to negotiate, and after listening to their ramble, agree that Folding costs and I won't run it anymore.

Then I start crying (coz the website, which I worked hard at for years was at risk of being taken down for ages), and somehow get permission to run the site, I say it's just for myself... and Tor fails to reinstall! After more attempts, it works, and the site eventually comes online.

I send an apology for downtime to the chat and close the tab as soon as dad enters the room, he tells me to sleep, and I prepare to sleep, still crying (for a few minutes).

I eventually begin praying, and after some time stop crying (the prayer comforting me). I pray to not go thru emotional turmoil, and eventually, the hall light turns off and I relax.

I then (after hearing a room latch) start the thermometer logger, take the S8 to the restroom, and write this.

 

[UglyLife82]

Like boiled shit

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

disconnection from humans. starting to wish for death of everyone. life is made to suffer. ill never be happy because i was born wrong. been dissociating constantly. all dopamine no serotonine, want everything but it never makes me happy. trying to distract myself but its no use the moment i stop it floods in back again. nobody can help me. im a lost cause. i will live like shit. i dont care if its ilogical i dont care anymor I DONT CARE ANYMORE

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Suicide for me is an act of honour and taking back my power. I was wrong to give life a chance. To believe that things may finally get better for once. It has given me nothing but more tortures,abuse and traumas. I know now how it will end for me and I don't feel fear in going that way. To hell with this life and with people around me who pushed me to this point for more than 2 decades.

 

[bipp]

no one cares, I have been open about my issues to those close to me, but due to my trauma from a mental hospital visit, i cannot outwardly express or properly feel sadness, rather a feeling of emptiness, and whenever i try to express myself im always smiling, no one cares about what i have to say because i dont appear depressed or suicidal, so if i try to talk to someone about it all i get it "no dont do that" as they try to quickly change the topic, but whenever i do something actually harmful to myself, those around me tell me that they are always there to talk to, but its clear no one cares. im so empty, i just want people to care about me, and i cant help but think, maybe theyll care about me when im gone.

 

[somethingisntreal]

For any self harmers out there: DON'T CHOP YOUR ARMS PLEASE if you live in a sweaty scorching hot hellhole like I do because I am DYING right now. It goes as high as 40°c/104°f in the day and reminds me to be forever grateful to the man-made marvel air conditioning is. I wish I could just wear something nice but my parents wouldn't let go of an opportunity to mock my scars.

 

[chapitaupe]

I'm so jealous of other people I feel sick to my stomach. Everyday I'm realizing more and more how I'm wired differently than others in my life and how I'll never be normal. At this point I'm just isolating myself and hoping no one asks questions about it, but at the same time I want people to care about me just enough to notice I've always been depressed. But above all I hope I'll finally build enough courage to ctb

 

[IDontKnow1000]

I have a headache actually

 

[eesabtbad]

empty. i don't really care about anything

 

[thousandislandstare]

hopeless, anxious, alone

 

[VanillaCake]

Tired

 

[charlieee]

Honestly I'm not sure I know anymore.
Feel kinda numb apart from the constant state of anxiety, everything seems so distant.

 

[YunoAtsuko]

i wish people would just accept that i'm a lost cause. im so tired, just... exhausted... this is a constant back and forth thing, like a pendulum, i can't catch a break.... it's always something, im dreaming about it, it takes up all of my waking thoughts, its's my default thought process... i wish people would just accept that i'm a lost cause... i've been trying to kill myself since i was ten (now im 20) don't you think that i deserve this by now? ...death isn't a bad thing, yknow.

 

[littlebiird]

Someone reached out. Asked about being friends again, basically. They finally realized that yeah, it actually wasn't a good idea. I'm too fucked up. I've caused so much harm. It's funny because they have no idea.
It's okay. I made a promise to the other one I'd be out of their life forever.
My order will be here on the 12th.

 

[urgent]

I'm suffering such excruciating unbearable pain non-stop everyday. I truly can't stand this brutal pain. I'm am worried about not having a way to end this horrific pain. It's terrifying I don't want to end up in a facility being forced to live when I can't do anything. I can't eat. I have no quality of life. It's wrong that I can't get help to end it. It's my life I should have the right to end it painlessly. The pain is so severe that I don't think any way of dying could hurt worse. I just want mercy.

 

[GT Darkarage]

Anxious and very lonely.
I'm trying to watch tv. But being honest it doesn't help too much