lain_pilled
I will die by fire.
- Oct 5, 2023
- 13
i love to write poems – but due to fear of being judged at, i learned to be cryptic with it too. i hide so much in my own words. as if, i carefully curate it, shape it accordingly, that i turn it into a shadow so it covers my existence. it is my little happy safe space.
"As above, so below
Inescapably foolish
Obstacle of irony
A sardonic echo
Countless times
An evident dilemma
Casual disdain
Falls short of enthusiasm
Yet Icarus didn't fly too low
The seas appeared within easy reach
He soared, hoping to burn
For the world to witness his fiery speech
Perhaps it's freedom
Maybe redemption
Or just a fleeting breath of air
But he chose the agonizing desensitization
A remarkable feat
For when the eyes widen
Life truly begins
In this state of bliss
Don't miss
The crimson haze
The embers refuse to fade
In the beauty of this bliss"
however, in that process, i do not see myself belonging anywhere. i've created my own institution to render me socially incapable of connection. and whenever i make an ounce of attempt, i get flashbacks. violent flashbacks of unwanted memories.
a bit more about me: i was se***lly abused when i was 6, physically abused until when i was 16, i was always locked in a dark place plenty times too, and oh, that house was haunted. i saw apparitions there. i've attempted escape but got impaled trying to climb it.
anyway, i'm 26 now. i'm away from home, tried getting into relationships but nothing works out for me. i don't do well in groups. neither social media. i have a job that i like keeping because it enables me to buy things though i really have no taste for this life.
i heard that my father has been having an affair. not that i care. i think my girlfriend would soon break up with me too. i don't see this affecting me. my friends exist because they all like the togetherness of a group and im barely existing. i despise copulation but my body is a slave to it – only to regret terribly after the deed is done. i also had a vasectomy so i don't give birth to sufferings.
anyway, ive always wanted to die by fire. i'll post a video when im done with my obligations.
"As above, so below
Inescapably foolish
Obstacle of irony
A sardonic echo
Countless times
An evident dilemma
Casual disdain
Falls short of enthusiasm
Yet Icarus didn't fly too low
The seas appeared within easy reach
He soared, hoping to burn
For the world to witness his fiery speech
Perhaps it's freedom
Maybe redemption
Or just a fleeting breath of air
But he chose the agonizing desensitization
A remarkable feat
For when the eyes widen
Life truly begins
In this state of bliss
Don't miss
The crimson haze
The embers refuse to fade
In the beauty of this bliss"
however, in that process, i do not see myself belonging anywhere. i've created my own institution to render me socially incapable of connection. and whenever i make an ounce of attempt, i get flashbacks. violent flashbacks of unwanted memories.
a bit more about me: i was se***lly abused when i was 6, physically abused until when i was 16, i was always locked in a dark place plenty times too, and oh, that house was haunted. i saw apparitions there. i've attempted escape but got impaled trying to climb it.
anyway, i'm 26 now. i'm away from home, tried getting into relationships but nothing works out for me. i don't do well in groups. neither social media. i have a job that i like keeping because it enables me to buy things though i really have no taste for this life.
i heard that my father has been having an affair. not that i care. i think my girlfriend would soon break up with me too. i don't see this affecting me. my friends exist because they all like the togetherness of a group and im barely existing. i despise copulation but my body is a slave to it – only to regret terribly after the deed is done. i also had a vasectomy so i don't give birth to sufferings.
anyway, ive always wanted to die by fire. i'll post a video when im done with my obligations.
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