goodbye (?)

[haveyounoheartx]

if you see this post, i'm likely gone (or in a hospital...) by now. as i'm writing this it's the 4th of may, and i've scheduled this thread to post exactly a week from now. if my attempt goes to plan you'll be seeing this, but if it doesn't by either failing or getting caught then i'll delete this before it's able to post. however in case i'm in the hospital meaning i won't have access to my computer or phone, give it two weeks after this is posted; if i'm not online at all during that time assume i succeeded. istg if i don't succeed today i'll be so upset because i've already had 2 scheduled goodbye posts like this that i deleted days after, since well… i'd feel embarrassed to have them go through when i'm still here.

anyway all my failed attempts so far have been allll over the place. first i tried to do PSH with a strip of towel that i cut up as i don't have access to a rope, but welll it was too weak and tore up a bit. then i lost hope in my chances of succeeding in that method so i switched to a simple in theory yet harder one -- ligature strangulation. i was really hoping it'd work, but seeing as i'm still here unfortunately it didn't. my positioning was high up in my neck where i felt the strongest pulse so i know that not's the reason of failure, meaning either i didn't have the proper ligature to go unconscious (i was using a thin round shoelace) or i didn't put enough pressure. i kinda doubt the latter though since i swear i was pulling that shit as tight as i could. that's not to say it isn't a plausible method of course 'cause it might work for some people; i just wanted to share my personal experience. now my next (and hopefully last) method is doing PSH again but with an electric cord. i'll be honest i'm more convinced i'll fail than succeed but hey i need to atleast try before saying anything. and well, if it works out i'd be more than over joyed.

i know I've only been registered on this site for less than a month with near two weeks of being a guest but i enjoyed my time here. i love how topics like this can be discussed without censorship and see the not only empathetic but supportive people on here. literally no one knows about my suicidal thoughts as i'd just be confronted about it (which i'm genuinely mortified of) so i'm happy i can share them here without any of those confrontations.

i would vent about my life seeing as this would be the last trace of me alive, though unfortunately i'm ass at putting my thoughts into words and low-key inarticulate so i'll stop here. andd i kinda hate being vulnerable, even if no one was to see this. honestly i wasn't planning to write a goodbye message anywhere but something in my head was just screaming at me to leave something just for a sense of finality -- and well, here this is. to anyone who finds this, thank you for reading my little talk. i hope everyone on this forum finds the peace they desire.

 

[Helio_Helio]

I hope you're well, on earth or not... and if you've ended up in a hospital, I hope you'd be let go soon and safe

 

[bl33ding_heart]

We are all wishing the best for you. May you find your peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering.

 

[LittleJem]

Good luck finding peace

 

[RadiantNumber]

hope you'll find peace wherever you are

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find peace

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

Good luck and see u on the other side

 

[lastexit717@proton.]

Good luck my friend if you come back im always here.