Bikishii
yeah yeah whatever
- Mar 12, 2026
- 86
To start, this is not a goodbye post. Not yet, at least.
I'm going to be writing a script and filming a goodbye video for everyone, saying who gets what and what my last words are for everyone, and what I want done with my remains. I already have my methods (I'm going with multiple methods at once, baby!) and am probably going to keep going and making sure that I'm not going to fail; I already did that once half my life ago, and I'm not doing that shit again.
I understand that in my jurisdiction "video wills" are not legally binding and people like my family will still have to go through a bunch of legal bullshit about my estate and I doubt that they'll respect my wishes for what will be done with my body, but I do at least hope that they would respect what I want for my friends in terms of what I'll be bequeathing to them. Besides, a lot of this shit that's very sentimental and important to me couldn't mean less to them. So be it.
I'm going to make sure that my last meal is a good one, one of my favorites, but won't eat too much so as to ruin one of my methods (for the compound overdose part, I don't need good food in my tummy slowing down absorption). But I want my last few moments in the physical realm to be pleasant.
If all else fails and I get too scared or the goodbye pills start to hurt me or make me sick before I pass out, I'll have my revolver right by my side to get the job done faster.
Anyway. That's all. I needed to tell somebody. I tried talking to one of my closest friends about how I feel (I thought they were a best friend; today they referred to me as "one of [their] closest friends" which stung a lot) and this person became furious at me, telling me there was no point in apologizing for my feelings if I was going to do it anyways, so to not even bother saying sorry. I know they were upset and didn't say these things intending to hurt me, but after the day I'd had, I felt horrible. At first I began to change my mind and just live and suffer, but things have gotten so bad for me lately that I think it's about time to ctb already.
I don't know if I'll leave a goodbye note on here. I feel like it's kinda lame in my case, though I don't judge anyone else for doing the same. But if you never see me again and this is my last post, well... I'll see you guys on the other side, if there is one.
Godspeed to you all.
I'm going to be writing a script and filming a goodbye video for everyone, saying who gets what and what my last words are for everyone, and what I want done with my remains. I already have my methods (I'm going with multiple methods at once, baby!) and am probably going to keep going and making sure that I'm not going to fail; I already did that once half my life ago, and I'm not doing that shit again.
I understand that in my jurisdiction "video wills" are not legally binding and people like my family will still have to go through a bunch of legal bullshit about my estate and I doubt that they'll respect my wishes for what will be done with my body, but I do at least hope that they would respect what I want for my friends in terms of what I'll be bequeathing to them. Besides, a lot of this shit that's very sentimental and important to me couldn't mean less to them. So be it.
I'm going to make sure that my last meal is a good one, one of my favorites, but won't eat too much so as to ruin one of my methods (for the compound overdose part, I don't need good food in my tummy slowing down absorption). But I want my last few moments in the physical realm to be pleasant.
If all else fails and I get too scared or the goodbye pills start to hurt me or make me sick before I pass out, I'll have my revolver right by my side to get the job done faster.
Anyway. That's all. I needed to tell somebody. I tried talking to one of my closest friends about how I feel (I thought they were a best friend; today they referred to me as "one of [their] closest friends" which stung a lot) and this person became furious at me, telling me there was no point in apologizing for my feelings if I was going to do it anyways, so to not even bother saying sorry. I know they were upset and didn't say these things intending to hurt me, but after the day I'd had, I felt horrible. At first I began to change my mind and just live and suffer, but things have gotten so bad for me lately that I think it's about time to ctb already.
I don't know if I'll leave a goodbye note on here. I feel like it's kinda lame in my case, though I don't judge anyone else for doing the same. But if you never see me again and this is my last post, well... I'll see you guys on the other side, if there is one.
Godspeed to you all.
