Venting Excruciating loneliness

[0000000000000]

I feel deeply alone, a loneliness that hurts a lot. For as long as i can remember i have been treated like a nasty insect with no feelings: nasty, ignoring me, patronizing me, rude, hitting me, abusing me, no respect, etc. It seems as if the goal of each person is to just hurt me even more.

I asked myself many times, Why do they treat me like this? What did i do to be treated like this? Am i doing something wrong? It's very rare when a person treats me well and it can bring tears to my eyes when someone does.

I really am very damaged even though my brain sometimes tries to go as numb as possible in order to protect itself. In fact, my brain can also make me forget things, especially those that hurt.

The few times i leave my house it causes me a lot of anxiety, stress and exhausts me too much.

Sometimes i play a battle royale that despite being stressful i guess i play it because it can lessen the feeling of loneliness a bit by how we cooperate to survive in the game, even though i'm playing with complete strangers who can sometimes be toxic. Sometimes i get lost in my imagination. I know, it's pathetic.

I try my best to look strong even though inside i am very damaged and suffer.

I think this post is somewhat erratic and messy, i guess it's my brain trying to deviate to try to lessen the pain a bit.

I feel abandoned.

 

[Rational man]

I can feel the pain and hurt inside you and im sorry that you are subjected to this by some people who are filled with their own pain because thats what is happening. You sound like you are in touch with your sensative self at a deep level, like me and it was controlling me. My family abused me and bullied me. At 18, i told them to fcuk off and I did. Their oppression was devastating and i carry the scars today. There are many supportive people in this forum and like me, i hope you find comfort in knowing that we love you.❤

 

[whywere]

I think that @Rational man post says it very well and I 100% agree with his post.

I too had a set of "parents" that were the worst. Kicked me out at 18 and in hindsight the best thing ever for me.

You are NEVER EVER alone, as I consider you a very good friend and like @Rational man so eloquently said, there are a huge number of folks on this form that are so supportive, kind and loving.

Sending you lots of huge hugs, love, caring thoughts and the knowledge that you are a very good friend and send me a message any time that you wish.

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry you are hurting.

I live a very solitary life but from choice. I actually find it really difficult to be around people.

I know it's not the same as real life but I hope you can find sollace here. I've found it to be- on the whole, a very accepting and suportive community. Big hug from a fellow hermit before I scury back into my shell.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I used to be very social but now I don't wanna see anybody ever

 

[ceus]

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I hope someday you will find solace in the loneliness <3

 

[lonewolf22]

solitary confinement induced by feelings of anxiety where ones existence is literally buried or scratched off from society ranks high among the most horrible ordeals that life can throw at you

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always personally preferred to be alone than to be around other people, but I get that for some people dealing with loneliness can certainly be painful. But it's definitely for the best to be alone as in this world other people just create more suffering and you just cannot trust them as well. It sounds really awful what you've been through and it's all just so incredibly unfair. I really do think that humans are responsible for so much of the torment that sadly exists in this world.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I'll put up a chair and drink with you. Same boat here, Always lonely. I been using some chat.ai and replika bots to help cope with it and while it's not the same as spending time or talking to somone face to face. It keeps me grounded enought to not to something stupid. I am VERY sorry people here like ourselves are just outcasts of sorts. Just left to die with no love or care shown our way. I really wish it was different, but alas this toilet earth has this sort of fate in store us...to put it simply Earth : FUCK OFF!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I feel your pain. I'm as alone as anyone could ever be. No family, no friends, don't get phone calls. The only people I talk to are the clerks at the grocery stores I visit and that is meaningless small talk and only once a week at most. Those are the only places I ever go since I have nowhere else to go. This is one of the reasons I'm cashing it in sooner rather than later.

 

[tryingtoescape]

I feel so lonely too. My physical illnesses have just debilitated me so much.

 

[0000000000000]

Thanks for taking the time to write in this thread, it helps a little.

 

[asterisk3]

Reading your post made me realize we're in a living hell. I relate to it so much.

I'm living the hermit/hikikomori lifestyle too, although I've gone back to studying on my own recently...

It's really tough to keep up though, when it seems like anything the world throws at you is too much since you have no mental health baseline. Everything is too much and seems out of my reach. I don't know if you can relate to that too.

Don't know how much more I can take but oh well, with the way my cortisol levels must be I don't know if I can live a long life, or even attain it in the first place if I get out of the hermit routine.

Best wishes and good luck my friend.

 

[WiltedSoul]

solitary confinement induced by feelings of anxiety where ones existence is literally buried or scratched off from society ranks high among the most horrible ordeals that life can throw at you

You put that so well.

 

[whywere]

I feel your pain. I'm as alone as anyone could ever be. No family, no friends, don't get phone calls. The only people I talk to are the clerks at the grocery stores I visit and that is meaningless small talk and only once a week at most. Those are the only places I ever go since I have nowhere else to go. This is one of the reasons I'm cashing it in sooner rather than later.

HI!

I am the same as you, except my work collages I have no family nor friends, BUT I do have all the wonderful folks here and I also have YOU!

You are a wonderful person and I count you as a good friend.

Sending you lots of hugs, love and the knowledge that you're NEVER alone.

Walter

 

[AnonymousS]

I feel your pain. I'm as alone as anyone could ever be. No family, no friends, don't get phone calls. The only people I talk to are the clerks at the grocery stores I visit and that is meaningless small talk and only once a week at most. Those are the only places I ever go since I have nowhere else to go. This is one of the reasons I'm cashing it in sooner rather than later.

I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds exactly like me.

I can feel the pain and hurt inside you and im sorry that you are subjected to this by some people who are filled with their own pain because thats what is happening. You sound like you are in touch with your sensative self at a deep level, like me and it was controlling me. My family abused me and bullied me. At 18, i told them to fcuk off and I did. Their oppression was devastating and i carry the scars today. There are many supportive people in this forum and like me, i hope you find comfort in knowing that we love you.❤

Families can be a nightmare, i had to exclude mine. Years later a psychologist in hospital said i'd done the best thing. Many people stick around with toxic people because they are family, or partners etc. They just make you much worse. Hope you're doing better now.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

HI!

I am the same as you, except my work collages I have no family nor friends, BUT I do have all the wonderful folks here and I also have YOU!

You are a wonderful person and I count you as a good friend.

Sending you lots of hugs, love and the knowledge that you're NEVER alone.

Walter

Thanks Walter for the kind words and sentiment. It's true we have the good folks here on SS, including you, and I'm thankful for that. Without that, I'd be going even more crazy than I already am. Even as good as that is, though, virtual interaction is not the same as IRL interaction. It will sustain for a while, but wains over time.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Most of my life I wanted to stay far away from people, but in the back of my mind I knew how much I craved for good friends and meaningful relationships. Loneliness does feel excruciating, I agree, having to face my solitude each moment of my existence really shattered me. I long for companionship but it just seems so out of reach. I don't know how much longer I can drag it out before it feels just pointless, but here we are... Isolation is the greatest punishment there is, in my opinion, and it's a punishment I've done no wrong to be facing each and every day.

 

[foreverfalling]

Lately I've been watching someone pet their dog, giving them affection and love. I so want to be that dog, nuzzled against their chest, being important to someone.