Discussion Doing something that gives you hope for living.

[narasаnu]

A little history. I grew up as a weird kid my whole life, or rather, I grew up normally, but I always felt different. I had friends in kindergarten, but in elementary school I gradually began to withdraw (I don't quite remember why, maybe it was my shyness), and by middle school I only had a couple of best friends left, who I still keep in touch with. I stopped hanging out with my classmates then. I always felt pressured, I had low self-esteem, and my interests were different from the other kids.

At the end of 9th grade (according to the Russian system (I was 15 or 16 years old then I harshly remember my childhood)) I began to think more often about CTB, and for the next 2 years I felt depressed and planned to do it as soon as possible, I don't want to drag out the story about this for too long, but I didn't succeed and the thoughts about CTB somehow disappeared for 1-1.5 years.

I loved drawing all my childhood, and now I even take small orders ($8-9) to make small purchases for myself. But today I've already taken a couple of orders to buy SN for myself. I really enjoy drawing, and it's weird to think that I'm doing it only to get money for SN and kill myself later. It brings me joy even when life is going badly and I don't fit in with society. And now, starring at money, I can't bring myself to buy SN, even though I see it as a way out.

 

[whywere]

I am so envious of you, as far as I cannot draw a stick figure, yet I LOVE art in all its forms.

You have a raw talent and, I am older (70), reference point, as it of course takes time and effort to develop a mastery, but you are already so far along, selling artwork, well, that IS TALENT, in my book, and you HAVE talent.

If it was me, this is for my sake, as I never think that anyone should listen to anyone but their heart, but I would take that money and either buy more art supplies and. or sign up for some classes to help advance yourself more quickly.

You HAVE talent and the world is waiting to see your work(s).

Lots of well wishes hugs and the knowledge that you have a gift.

Walter