Does anyone else get careless with money because they're suicidal?

[DeathSleep]

I've been gambling all my money away. I've lost a lot... well a lot for me. The little bit I had saved up is nearly gone. Part of me just doesn't care because I can't take it with me when I'm dead. The other part just hates myself for being so dumb because I still need it while I'm here. Does anyone else just get careless with your money or things because of being suicidal? I'm not really attached to money or possessions anymore but it'd be nice to know I had some money saved up to give away when I'm gone or something.

 

[CatLvr]

I used to. It was a coping mechanism. But then I realized that it was pretty selfish of me so now I put back more than I spend. So when the time comes I don't create anymore of a burden for the few people who say they care about me than I have to.

 

[Tesha]

Yup. I don't gamble, but I buy things I don't need - and I go normally go for the high end rather than basic quality item. I do it as a form of self harm; once the money runs out, I'll have one more reason to kill myself.

 

[Tarrasque]

I've been saving the money instead. If I CTB my partner can live better, and if I ever recover I won't regret having the money.

 

[dreamcatcher90]

No… I actually save.. so I can leave more to my relatives

 

[DeathSleep]

I used to. It was a coping mechanism. But then I realized that it was pretty selfish of me so now I put back more than I spend. So when the time comes I don't create anymore of a burden for the few people who say they care about me than I have to.

I understand that. That's a nice thing to do. I don't have anyone to leave money to when I'm gone. I guess my family will be notified of my death and have to pay for cremation or whatever. But my family hasn't talked to me in years. They don't seem to care about me. So, I'm not exactly feeling like I need to save them money to help out. It's selfish of me. I know. I feel like I used to be a better person. Maybe I should reconsider. They already think I'm a fuck up.

Yup. I don't gamble, but I buy things I don't need - and I go normally go for the high end rather than basic quality item. I do it as a form of self harm; once the money runs out, I'll have one more reason to kill myself.

I do that too.

 

[CatLvr]

I understand that. That's a nice thing to do. I don't have anyone to leave money to when I'm gone. I guess my family will be notified of my death and have to pay for cremation or whatever. But my family hasn't talked to me in years. They don't seem to care about me. So, I'm not exactly feeling like I need to save them money to help out. It's selfish of me. I know. I feel like I used to be a better person. Maybe I should reconsider. They already think I'm a fuck up.


I do that too.

Having family members who are assholes doesn't make you the fuck-up. It makes them selfish people. Trust me. I know. I walked away from my entire family over 30 years ago now and that ONE decision is a big part of the reason I am still here on this planet. My mother wasn't gonna be happy until I killed myself. So she could be the victim yet again. I almost gave her what she wanted to. But she pushed too hard one day and pissed me off. Gosh, it is amazing what you can do when you are mad.

 

[mistymoo]

I absolutely do. I'm waiting for a $32 sweater that's supposed to arrive today when instead I should have used that money for text books

 

[pumpkins334234]

yes. i've spent so much of my savings that i literally scrimped like hell for. i have a bad habit of spending it on my friends/family as well or just stupid purchases. i feel guilty because i could be doing something better with it

 

[mistymoo]

Oh I should also mention that I bought something else for like $90 that technically will make me money in the future but i know there's no future. Only happy temp feelings from spending money

 

[Imcantbreathe]

Prior to my new gambling addiction I spent 95k in a matter of 5 months lol... My impulsive behavior is out of the window at this point. I'm ready to go so money is worthless to me

 

[Kalista]

spent hundreds on food, games and giving some to people not long ago. this was when i still had my gun. then i stopped because i need some money left to leave for someone since there's a few lingering debt. now doing things minimally

thought about gambling. maybe can get lucky in winning thousands or millions, but it's all rigged. don't have the knowledge for it either

 

[ThisIsMe1357]

No, and I would not want to. You never know what can happen while you are alive. And for many people there is a great need for money that includes both getting certain...substances they might be looking for for a long time and surviving while they manage to do so.

I myself would not risk losing a lot of money because I do not have much, so I cannot afford to be careless. What if something unexpected came up in a few weeks?

 

[Ramsay Fiction]

Yes I already don't have a lot of money due to not having a real income but then I waste what I do have on impulse purchases I don't need. My brain likes the instant reward of spending.

 

[kilowatt]

I'm lucky enough to not have too much care about money but I'm not really wasteful I guess. I just want all of the money I have left when I'm dead to go towards my cats, for their food and vet bills to be covered for a long while.

 

[catmilk]

I get an immediate and obvious dopamine hit from purchasing things. The more expensive, the bigger that hit. I've bought $300 shirts because I've got nothing else going on. I don't even care when I receive it, it's entirely the act of spending money. Gambling I understand, it's a game and you can win stuff, but this I don't understand.

 

[stayedtoolong]

Due to impulsivity I can be quite careless with funds.

 

[Not Today Satan]

I used to, but spending money doesn't give me any pleasure anymore, so I've stopped.

 

[divinemistress87]

I waste it on expensive food and shit from Etsy

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Not careless but knowing I won't be around in 10 years - why save for retirement? I treat myself to a coffee because I need joy.

I have no life. All I do is apply for jobs and deal with my healthcare. Capitalism is set up to destroy people so I am going to have some fun with what little money I have knowing that death will be my release from the horrors of life with autism.

Fuck money, fuck it all - it's all an illusion, always was, always will be. To think we destroyed ourselves and our planet over green paper.

 

[alivefood]

I've been gambling all my money away. I've lost a lot... well a lot for me. The little bit I had saved up is nearly gone. Part of me just doesn't care because I can't take it with me when I'm dead. The other part just hates myself for being so dumb because I still need it while I'm here. Does anyone else just get careless with your money or things because of being suicidal? I'm not really attached to money or possessions anymore but it'd be nice to know I had some money saved up to give away when I'm gone or something.

yes! and think somehow this + more self destructive behavior is so that eventually i'll have no other choice but to kill myself

 

[banger12]

Yeah when I'm hopeless or suicidal I have the bad habit of blowing my money. I pissed away a lot of money on useless shit between April & July. I justified it to myself at first because after my medical withdrawal from my spring term at college was approved I got a big chunk of money back and I had "plenty to spare". I knew to an extent I was bullshitting myself and once I was at the point where my finances were fucked enough to eliminate that excuse I just said fuck it and pissed away the rest. Which was a terrible decision because I'm starting to feel closer to ready to CTB and I'm way to broke to afford a firearm.