Discussion Does anyone else ask "why me?"

[Jean Améry]

The universe is amoral: it's not conscious and therefore does not care one whit about humans. Why do small children get terminal cancer? Why does a volcano explode and wipe away entire villages? The universe is an extremely inhospitable place: by chance there was one tiny planet that was conductive to the development of life and the lifeforms that developed on it are locked in a merciless struggle for existence where one lifeform feeds off the other. Where's the morality in any of this?

I believe suffering in some form is the rule, not the exception.

There are so many bad things that didn't happen to you but happened and happen to others, among them things that are likely to be worse than what you face. This isn't meant to belittle your suffering (to be clear I absolutely do not claim your suffering is trivial) but the misery the sun shines upon each and every day on this planet truly is staggering and some of our fellow human-beings get the absolute worst lot in life. They are truly to be deplored.

It's like Schopenhauer wrote: in almost all cases we can console ourselves on our misery by reflecting on the misery of others that is worse than ours but what a sad fate is this for humanity as a whole.

In my view it truly would have been better if life never arose on planet earth. Everything we are and everything we do isn't worth the horrible suffering of even one individual let alone the countless number that suffered since our species began.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I used to ask myself those questions but not anymore.

Im done with asking the "why"
I've accepted my life was shit.

Just need to figure out how long it takes me to get things together.

 

[Done at Fifty]

Did for many years. Now its more of "I knew this would happen to me". At one point I decided that it was my thoughts attracting misery. I went through a phase for many years of forcing a smile, taking my happy meds and I trying all the positive thinking, manifesting and dream board nonsense. I finally came to the realization that I don't like life and it doesn't like me.

 

[k75]

When I was much younger, I used to. But that was just teenage angst, before anything was actually wrong. Now, there's no point in self-pity or blame. I don't exist to the universe.

I can trace everything I suffer with to a very specific origin, and the majority boils down to me. It's all my fault. I allowed this to happen. I fucked up. I gave permission for others to kill me because it was easier. Because I was stupid. Because I was scared. Because I was complacent. Because I can't be trusted with important things.

 

[Rockman]

Why not?
I was in this stage of course years ago. Then i uderstand with professional help in what shitty conditions and people was raising me and my damages were normal on this enviroment.
I think there is no answer except that shit happens.

 

[demuic]

The universe is amoral: it's not conscious and therefore does not care one whit about humans. Why do small children get terminal cancer? Why does a volcano explode and wipe away entire villages? The universe is an extremely inhospitable place: by chance there was one tiny planet that was conductive to the development of life and the lifeforms that developed on it are locked in a merciless struggle for existence where one lifeform feeds off the other. Where's the morality in any of this?

I believe suffering in some form is the rule, not the exception.

There are so many bad things that didn't happen to you but happened and happen to others, among them things that are likely to be worse than what you face. This isn't meant to belittle your suffering (to be clear I absolutely do not claim your suffering is trivial) but the misery the sun shines upon each and every day on this planet truly is staggering and some of our fellow human-beings get the absolute worst lot in life. They are truly to be deplored.

It's like Schopenhauer wrote: in almost all cases we can console ourselves on our misery by reflecting on the misery of others that is worse than ours but what a sad fate is this for humanity as a whole.

In my view it truly would have been better if life never arose on planet earth. Everything we are and everything we do isn't worth the horrible suffering of even one individual let alone the countless number that suffered since our species began.

Life itself can be considered "evil." All existence greater than that of a plant depends on the suffering of another being in the process known as "predation."

 

[Toybox]

I guess I have a childish view on life. Thanks for replying guys

 

[Jean Améry]

I guess I have a childish view on life. Thanks for replying guys

I wouldn't call it childish, perhaps a tad naïve but you seem quite young so that's perfectly understandable. Quiet a few members indicated they felt the same way when they were younger. It's rather natural to wonder about this and we tend to project our own humans values and expectations unto the world but in the end I really do think what happens/happened to us is not due to anything we did. At least largely.

Plus theistic religions (especially christianity) project the image of a fallen humanity whose members are inherently sinful and therefore rightfully subjected to evil. If you were raised religiously (as most of us have I suppose) you might have picked it up there.

 

[woxihuanni]

I wouldn't call it childish, perhaps a tad naïve but you seem quite young so that's perfectly understandable. Quiet a few members indicated they felt the same way when they were younger. It's rather natural to wonder about this and we tend to project our own humans values and expectations unto the world but in the end I really do think what happens/happened to us is not due to anything we did. At least largely.

Plus theistic religions (especially christianity) project the image of a fallen humanity whose members are inherently sinful and therefore rightfully subjected to evil. If you were raised religiously (as most of us have I suppose) you might have picked it up there.

At least the abrahamic cray cray stories put the guilt on everyone equally. Don't forget about the indian cray cray stories where you deserved everything because previous lives, completely personal hell you have to be grateful for experiencing.

 

[Jean Améry]

At least the abrahamic cray cray stories put the guilt on everyone equally. Don't forget about the indian cray cray stories where you deserved everything because previous lives, completely personal hell you have to be grateful for experiencing.

True although in Genesis it is written that humanity is sinful because of the transgression of the first two humans so in a way it's even crazier: you (must) suffer because of someone-else's mistakes with which you had nothing whatsoever to do since you weren't even born yet. With regard to this question I would give the prize to judaism/christianity.

In a way we were all effectively born in sin: the sin our parents committed against us by conceiving and giving birth to us. It is the true Original Sin (without any metaphysical make-up) that is repeated over and over again which is the fundamental reason evil, suffering and death persist.

No life no evil, suffering or death. Not procreating is the only way to effectively prevent the banes of mankind. Yet mankind relishes in the cycle of birth, suffering and death so in all its folly it keeps repeating the same tragedy over and over again.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Such a low chance of being me yet here I am being me, such a disappointing turn of events

 

[XYZ]

Yet mankind relishes in the cycle of birth, suffering and death so in all its folly it keeps repeating the same tragedy over and over again.

Mankind is a slave to its biology. We don't really have a choice. The selfishness encoded by our genes overrides any and all moral or philosophical considerations that might prevent us from procreating. Our genes will multiply - it's the sole imperative of our species. Alas...

 

[Brokensaddle]

I just want to ask the universe what I did to deserve this. Was I a terrible person in my past life, and now this is my punishment? I feel like I'm just a kid. It's all so harsh

Does anyone else feel this way?

I used to do this a lot. I never hurt anyone and never gone out of my hurt anyone ever and I do my best to help people but I'm numb to it. There's no use asking questions like that. I try to focus on the getting through each day which I'm barely able to do at the moment.

 

[Jean Améry]

Mankind is a slave to its biology. We don't really have a choice. The selfishness encoded by our genes overrides any and all moral or philosophical considerations that might prevent us from procreating. Our genes will multiply - it's the sole imperative of our species. Alas...

Of course we have a choice: more and more people remain childless/childfree than ever even though they are in a (heterosexual) relationship and are healthy so they could easily reproduce if desired. Certainly not only for philosophical/ethical reasons (ironically many so called 'selfish' reasons: wanting to be free; pursuing a career instead of child-rearing...). Procreation by itself isn't even a biological imperative, sexual lust is. Nature just arranged it so that one necessary leads to the other or at least that used to be the case.

Since the advent of contraceptives we can engage in intercourse without it leading to offspring. We broke the necessity of the causal link between intercourse and conception.

Whether that means our species will ever go extinct voluntarily is another matter entirely but I dispute the claim that we don't have a choice. We are not mere animals and even in the days where sexual abstinence was the only way to avoid procreation some people did it so it's obviously possible.

I don't control what others do but for me the matter is very clear: the buck stops with me. I will not bring any more sentient life into this world of suffering, evil and death. If my life has any meaning it's this: to behave morally and responsibly to the best of my ability. Knowing I'm a fallible human-being just like anybody else.

 

[XYZ]

Procreation by itself isn't even a biological imperative, sexual lust is.

It's the other way around. Organisms don't replicate because of "sexual lust." Not all organisms even have a brain that can process "lust".

Think of bacteria or very small organisms.
They replicate because if they don't, they die out. And the purpose of each organism is the survival of the species.

I reallt like and agree with everything else

 

[chrisbate7]

I don't see it as a why me kind of thing. Life is shitty for most people in the world.

Yes, nature is cruel in its application. It is uncaring about any human or creature on the planet. And after we are dead, it will just be a blink of an eye that all we have known we follow us into nothingness. Kind of peaceful knowing this I guess in a strange way
Wh

I ask it everyday . The probability that I would have gotten this disease was 0.1% (I am in my early 20's). This too is a conservative figure, the actual probability is even lower (my guess is it's 0.04% ) . Which is 1 person out of every 2500 people. To make matters worse mine is progressing rapidly while most other people with my condition only worsen slowly.

What disease do you have?

Life itself can be considered "evil." All existence greater than that of a plant depends on the suffering of another being in the process known as "predation."

Very true. Murder happens all the time in the animal kingdom, from the top of the food chain to the bottom. All that really matters is calories, water, shelter and procreation

 

[Aeathelina]

I wonder that all the time.
Why did I even have to exist when I have no willpower & weak to bad addictions.
Worst bit is that I know I could have had a better life if I was a better person.

 

[flower]

nah, some people just aren't equipped to deal with life and i happen to be one of them

 

[Lupgevif]

Yes. I don't understand why I couldn't even get things considered common in life.

 

[aBLEACHyindividual]

Yes, often. I think it's because I did something wrong in my past life or something.

 

[opiatedreamz]

i definitely know that feeling... asking "why did these ailments and problems bestow upon me? why did i have to be the one to receive them?" it is sad, i suppose... but, well, i deal.

 

[Lilacmoon]

i don't know. everyone suffers. there's no reason why me or why not me.
I think of it as just the sum of my choices, and the choices of some others (but mostly mine), so whatever fate I get, I rightfully will get, I deserve, and this is just what will happen. asking why is just asking a question there i no real answer for.
but im stupid so maybe that's just me.

 

[Lordsudbury]

I know why me - the consequences of my actions and ego. I don't need to ask.

 

[suicidal-raven]

I do ask myself this quite often. I still don't know what I did to deserve this. I tried my hardest to be kind, to be a good person, friend, etc. But it was never enough. So now I suffer until I finally CTB.

 

[Sadfairytale]

Every single day.

 

[NeverGrowUp]

I feel like a kid too, but I try not to dwell on my misfortune it just makes me more upset. I am however, able to envision what life must be like for people without any illnesses and how they go about experiencing life. Doing that really makes feel like I'm stuck in some alternate hell reality.

 

[Mixo]

From the way I've been seemingly and insistently cornered by the universe - out of health, stability, love, housing, means of any support or true connection with others I can trust or rely on, I'd say yes - I can really relate to this feeling. Sometimes I do think that maybe karma just set me up for a terrible path, especially researching positions of my Vedic astrology chart (some of the descriptions were frighteningly predictive). Other times, I think that maybe I just built up too much negative karma because of my past mistakes in life with others. Sometimes I just think it's just because I'm a bad person. It's hard to make sense of, so I guess I won't ever get an answer.

The only thing that matters now is trying to forgive myself and to end the suffering.

 

[bigdog]

Yes and I came to conclusion that life is pure luck nothing else
you don't choose parents environment genetics stimuli your brain structure etc

 

[Sinkinshyp]

going to try to give the short version- grew up mentally & physically abused, my dad died when I was 15 about 6 months later I met a boyfriend more evil than my dad-who abused me even worse, teased in elementary school, cancer at 18, most relationships they were just using me, life long depression and anxiety, very minimal friends and when my son died my friends all 3 of them ran from my new destroyed me, to many birth defects to even begin to explain, life support twice once from the cancer once in 2013 from respiratory failure from my emphysema and cold germs, with the birth defects in my spine and my advanced for age emphysema- my blood clots and my depression, anxiety I'm unemployable.. had my older son at 20 and was a single mom I loved it. Everything I've tried to improve our life has turned into nightmares like buying a mobile home on land only to find out it was falling apart under the siding and the neighborhood was horrid, . My son died in a car accident on his way to work 3 years ago- and yes I asked Why me only after my son died. What did I do to deserve a life sentence of such pain only existing without half of my heart and soul...

 

[Binami]

Never; I believe the universe is deterministic, it's all causality so there's no active agent or spiritual force meddling in my life/condemning me to some fate.

I do like this Peanuts strip though:

Charlie Brown: "Sometimes, I lay away at night and I ask, why me?"
"Then a voice answers "Nothing personal- your name just happened to come up."