Venting i deserve to die

[puppyboy]

i'm so toxic and manipulative to everyone in my life without realizing sometimes. i don't understand basic empathy and i just don't feel like a person at all. i feel like a goddamn alien. people care for me so much but i feel so strongly that they just SHOULDN'T. why should anyone care about someone so useless and selfish as me? i love my folks so much but i feel like i can't care for them as much as they do for me. i can drop people from my life like they meant nothing to me. most of the time i only form relationships because i can get something out of it. i wish i could die a horrific terrible death and get sent straight to hell to burn for eternity. i deserve this, i deserved to get abused and assaulted and abandoned. i deserved everything, i hate myself so much, why was i ever born??

 

[unkown00]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I can't imagine what you're going through. I don't know your situation, but most bad people don't think they are bad.
It sucks that you feel so strongly about your presence in social settings and your behavior in social relationships. I hope you find some peace.