My mind controls me more than id prefer

[awfullymorbid]

TL;DR Does anyone have solutions on how to drown out the thoughts

I think one of the main reasons why i feel like im destined to ctb is because i cant control my thoughts and they end up controlling me

i spend far too much time alone, and when i do i always have really loud thoughts. usually the only solution is to play really loud music into my ears or sleep, sometimes i do both at the same time because theyre too loud for me to fall asleep and its driving me insane

the thoughts are almost always negative, either bringing up vivid memories of childhood trauma or just negative thoughts about myself. sometimes i catch myself physically asking the thoughts to quiet down but as i said the only solution ive found as of right now is to sleep or listen to music so loud that i cant hear anything else. if anyone relates and know better solutions let me know, i want an ounce of peace before i ctb

i know this post might sound a bit stupid, but im very tired of these involuntary thoughts keeping me up at night
also theyre not hallucinations, im pretty sure its just intrusive thoughts or something

 

[ZeroRedz02]

For me, the mind is me, my being to exist or to solve life, while my real self being is my brain, it's like being twiced in two parts of your soul.