Venting Does anybody else wish they had caught the bus sooner?

[ScaredToLive]

Yeah I think had I gone at live 21 I wouldn't have really had to have experienced too much shitty stuff

 

[Vault of Memories]

Wish I just got it over with in high school, when it started. Nothing has really changed.

 

[booray]

I wish that I had died of an OD when I was a drug addict. It would've saved me from all the pain and heartbreak that followed as I systematically destroyed my life.

 

[Celerity]

On bad days, I wish I had caught the bus when I first thought about it 16 years ago. I was 11 when my dad told me to kill myself and 12 when I agreed with him.

 

[greyismyfavecolor]

i wanted to kill myself when i was 13, i made a plan and everything but stopped myself the last second. i wish i did it. i would have saved myself a lot of suffering. now, years later, everything is even worse.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I wish I had killed myself when I was 13 and first started having thoughts. I would have never had to experience chronic illness, sustained sexual abuse, grooming, or any of this bullshit if I had just ctb then.

 

[builtwrong]

I desperately wish I had killed myself in Minneapolis when I lived alone. I knew there was no future for me, but I wanted to do helium at the time, and I was too depressed and apathetic to get the whole setup. When two of my best friends mentioned I could crash with them I did it in a heartbeat, suckering myself into believing I'd get back on my feet. Once I started couch hopping, living with people again, I slammed face first into a guilt I didn't think about or probably just ignored. Not only that but I lost a critical piece of my autonomy, while I may still be able to go to my car and drive now, there wouldn't be much doubt as to why. Slinking away in the dead of night to go off yourself is so much harder like this

 

[Mixo]

I have been through (and continue) to go through absolutely human torture, misery, and pain since about four years ago. I had a good chance to leave in 2018 because I was alone, isolated, and had N. I wish I had gone then because staying on, being alive, and being married to a total abusive bitch (on top of all my health problems and complete lack of support) is far worse. I should have gone so much sooner. Now, I have to find a way to do it without all the drama that will ensue now with this person I'm chained to everyday.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I wish I did it sometime ago, it would have prevented a lot of suffering I have experienced. Things got worse over the years and I have been alive for far too long. Life is just tedious and disappointing and it is simply not for me. I am better suited for non existence.

 

[Lost Magic]

I wish I was never born so that I didn't have to ctb. Pockets of bliss isn't worth years of humiliation and suffering.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

THIS now this is a regret. I should have done this as soon as this HORRIBLE skin condition acne ruined my life. Everything declined socially, looks, trauma. What is the point if their is no enjoyment and pleasure? I'm not sticking around out of guilt and obligation for others "feelings" it's inhumane to contain people here against their will another reason why I hate society. I should have done it at 14 or as soon as high school ended.

 

[ClownMe]

Most definitely, i wish i killed myself in my teens.

 

[Grumpy Bear]

Second to last suicide attempt should have been it for me. I could have saved others and myself from so much pain and suffering. So I'm basically 7-8 years past my expiration date.

 

[toforigivelife]

Yes. I truly regret not following through with the plans I made months ago.

 

[LivedTooLong]

Every day. Preferably in junior high school, or at least when there was easier access to better methods.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Wanted it since 12 but kept giving life a chance. Now wondering if Nov is my turn to catch the bus ride.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Haven't really considered this, but now that I do, it would have been so much better to end it in high school. There would be less things keeping me here, and I could have directly left a note to my crush before I killed myself.

 

[GrizzlyGrapefruit]

Yes! Just today even I was wishing that I had had the courage to CTB during the times that I was going to do it in the past.

With that being said, I truly believe that taking the whole CTB thing slowly is the right choice -- making sure that this is exactly what I want. So even though I'm a bit disappointed that I'm still here suffering every day, I'm glad that when the day comes (solid 95% sure I'll die by suicide at this point) I'll be sure of my death.

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

Agreed.

Back when I was sixteen, had I killed myself, at least it would've been somewhat understood by others.

Found a family secret about my father, got hated by almost my entire class, and got a lot of bullying and abuse, and pretty much I had no friends aside for a 2-3 exceptions... Plus a lot more stuff as well.

Now, eight years later... I'm pretty much the same way but at least ten times worse, as I had to endure rejection in college, losing tons of friendships, having therapies that never worked and pretty much destroying my life by a misidagnosis...

 

[FailureGirl]

I planned to ctb 5 years ago but decided to give life another good try for my at the time baby but now I think staying this long was selfish of me as iv always wanted to ctb, I should have just done it back then before he was old enough to truly know and miss me.

 

[flower]

I always thought I'd ctb when I turned 18, but still here 8 years later. I wish I'd quit while I was ahead instead of letting my life get even worse. the upside is that I've experienced some good things in that time, and found my best friend, but there will always be regret. I was really dumb when I was younger though, and would've probably failed anyway.

 

[one.way.out]

Yes. I wish I killed myself when I first got suicidal. Would've saved myself from experiencing so many bad things.

 

[ScaredToLive]

More than literally anything yeah. 21 for me, I'm 35 now. I've had a harsh reality check recently.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Wish I would've CTB when I was a teen. Wouldn't have spent even more years in misery.

 

[TriggerHappy]

The idea had always been there....
used to be i was busy living :: then about three years ago I wanted to get busy dying.

I used to love trees; watching em / drawing em :: now they just look like hanging posts. Thats when it all changed. Funny. Not really....
Everyday I fantasize about climbing one with a noose around my neck and leaping into the next life....