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LonelyLight

Warlock
May 31, 2019
779
Would not do we all do it in a different way, if we could? Sadly the clock is only ticking forward.
If I got the chance to do it all another way, I'd probably just find another way to fuck it all up. What I wouldn't give to try tho.
 
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JimFord99

JimFord99

Enlightened
Aug 18, 2019
1,047
If I got the chance to do it all another way, I'd probably just find another way to fuck it all up. What I wouldn't give to try tho.
Does not necessarily mean you'll make another fuck up. Indeed it may be a better way. Who knows?
 
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L

LonelyLight

Warlock
May 31, 2019
779
Does not necessarily mean you'll make another fuck up. Indeed it may be a better way. Who knows?
Unfortunately we won't ever know :hug: all we can do is change from today, but I've never been good with change.
 
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JimFord99

JimFord99

Enlightened
Aug 18, 2019
1,047
Unfortunately we won't ever know :hug: all we can do is change from today, but I've never been good with change.
Nah, me neither. I need consistency and permanence, and this is never ever going to change.
 
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Libracusp_1022

Libracusp_1022

Member
Jul 29, 2019
46
I may be wrong, but I think excessive remorse and regret are one of the symptoms of depression. Seems to me there are plenty of destructive, toxic people walking around with no regret or remorse whatsoever for the pain they cause, while too many of those who probably hurt no one intentionally are sitting home agonizing over every little thing.
 
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Windofmysoul67

Member
Sep 4, 2019
24
I may be wrong, but I think excessive remorse and regret are one of the symptoms of depression. Seems to me there are plenty of destructive, toxic people walking around with no regret or remorse whatsoever for the pain they cause, while too many of those who probably hurt no one intentionally are sitting home agonizing over every little thing.
Entirely too true!!
 
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Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

Enlightened
Sep 14, 2019
1,325
People kill themselves for all kinds of reasons. Someone said once they don't like the human body so they want to die. While I don't understand that it was their reason.
 
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L

Let'sgetoutofHERE

Member
Oct 7, 2019
81
I have so much guilt and regret. It consumes my whole day. I fear waking up in the morning. I've turned into a recluse. I recently got diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder after a 6 month episode of psychosis. My whole family acts different towards me. I would do anything to go back in time. Now my days are consumed with thoughts of how to ctb. My SI is so strong though because I have kids. I don't know what to do. Every day hurts so bad. I'm sorry you all are dealing with guilt. It really is a nightmare.
What is it that makes you feel so guilty and regretful? :( this sounds honestly terrible (but also relatable)
 
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I

itistimetoleave

Member
Oct 28, 2019
81
I have a lot of regrets and that's why I want to die. If I could do life all over with the knowledge that I have now, I would love to live it
 
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H

heylightiforgot

Experienced
Apr 30, 2019
256
The guilt and regret is the most agonizing aspect of my current mental state. I've read that there is no Jewish 'hell' per se -- only a limbo state where you are forced to confront your past mistakes and regrets, before being allowed to pass into Heaven. I'm completely trapped now (100% disabled, abused at home) and my days are just an endless mental circle of all the 'what if's' and ways things have gone differently; I just blame myself for not getting out of here somehow, even though I know I tried and it was impossible, and I could have never predicted things would end this badly.

It's like being near CTB, I've suddenly been granted this crystal-clear hindsight and it's tormenting. These fantasies are impossible, unattainable, but also like a kind of drug I cling to. I don't know how to let go and abolish them, and finally end things.
 
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L

Lonely789

Member
Nov 11, 2019
22
After years of me not being able to ever be happpy enough for those around me and not being able to find lasting joy, my wife finally decided to call it quits. It was my greatest fear. All I have left is shame and regret. Everything I see from pumpkins to someone putting a roof on (we had that done to our home last year) brings me pain. The pictures on Facebook, pictures at the homes of family of us when we were happy, quesadillas (what I always made my kids for dinner), dads with their kids at the bus stop. I know when I ctb it will hurt them also, but I feel less than the hurt I will keeping causing being alive.
Omg I'm going through the exact same thing right now. Everyday living with regret and pain...I want it to all end now too!
 
S

Saroshi

Member
Sep 6, 2019
94
I personally feel an irrational sense of guilt for existing,and every harmful action I have done to others. I would want to kill myself though so I don't affect others anymore, and so I do not have to struggle or think. But to say people suicide due to guilt and regret is too broad I think. You can kill yourself to stop pain, to spread some message, to control how you leave, and the ancient one, for honor. It would be wrong to say all people who suicide do so from some reason stemming from guilt and regret.
 
L

Lonely789

Member
Nov 11, 2019
22
Similar in some respects to me. I don't suffer from a diagnosed condition, but I know I am depressed as hell. Coming up to Christmas soon, for the past 7 years it has become torture as it was, as a family the best time of the year ever. The fact I have been robbed of all the 'family man things' things that I so craved and desired and driven into the ground financially leave me no other choice. I picture the future and I hate every single aspect of it. I used to be such a social animal and now I am a hermit. I spend my days doing absolutely nothing. My guilt comes from not fighting harder, but the laws in the UK provide little to no support for fathers so it would have been futile. I have no future apart from a dark and lonely one. I have no hope for myself for I am now far too damaged to come back. I have no self esteem for the thing I have become. Others may say that is a position you could recover from, I beg to differ.
I feel the same way in every aspect of what you have said. Self esteem, confidence, social skills, all shattered! Everyone keeps telling me that time will heal but I do not feel that way.
 
CrushedHopes

CrushedHopes

Ex-narcissist that is looking to end himself soon
Nov 3, 2019
471
Absolutely. I am overridden with so many regrets and crippled with guilt in every waking minute. It's fucking unbearable. :/
 
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I screwed up

Waiting for the damn bus
Sep 11, 2019
883
Guilt and regret r my reasons for ctb too. Have ruined a potentially successful career , my ivy college education and a wonderful family due to my addiction to prescription medication. I have an addictive personality ... Meaning I cannot stop from binging if there is such a word. I can never stop myself at one or two drinks .. If I drink I binge till I drop .. If I smoke weed it is never recreational .. I smoke the whole frekin weekend... And even during the week. Have lost everything I had ... No hope only regret ..
Have to ctb .. Hate my life
 
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exhausted

exhausted

Experienced
Oct 22, 2019
253
Yep, chronically tortured by guilt. Absolute agony. Feel I don't deserve to live. #BPDLife
 
R

Ritter

Member
Aug 30, 2019
76
My boyfriend of 2 years, the person I loved more than anything committed suicide. We lived together, we did everything together and yet...I never knew he was depressed. I never knew he was suffering.... I wasn't able to see it, to figure it out, to help him...and now he's gone and that guilt is why I'm here. I miss him so much, I really wish I could have made him happy. He deserved happiness.
 
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LMLN

LMLN

Paragon
Aug 10, 2019
929
My boyfriend of 2 years, the person I loved more than anything committed suicide. We lived together, we did everything together and yet...I never knew he was depressed. I never knew he was suffering.... I wasn't able to see it, to figure it out, to help him...and now he's gone and that guilt is why I'm here. I miss him so much, I really wish I could have made him happy. He deserved happiness.
I'm here for the same reason. My husband ctb. PM me anytime. I'm sorry for your pain ❤
 
APharmaDestroyedLife

APharmaDestroyedLife

Your RX drugs are likely your real problem
Nov 4, 2019
305
So
I may be wrong, but I think excessive remorse and regret are one of the symptoms of depression. Seems to me there are plenty of destructive, toxic people walking around with no regret or remorse whatsoever for the pain they cause, while too many of those who probably hurt no one intentionally are sitting home agonizing over every little thing.
there is so much truth to that paragraph.
I'm here for the same reason. My husband ctb. PM me anytime. I'm sorry for your pain ❤
It was not your job to make him happy, it was not your failure to do so that caused him to exit...in relationships happiness is a creation of togetherness and love. you cant make someone happy anymore than you can make pigs fly. I am sure you tried but some of us are just to overwhelmed by the world. I am sure you being in his life gave him more time then he would have had without you... I am so sorry for your loss.
 
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Nem

Nem

Drs suck mega ass!
Sep 3, 2018
1,489
I think that's one of the main reasons to kill oneself
Peace
 
W

Worthless_nobody

Enlightened
Feb 14, 2019
1,384
I have massive regret. It's definitely a huge factor in my decision. If I could go back and undo the thing that got me to this point I probably wouldn't have to ctb.
 
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