Venting Darkest secret

[NumbItAll]

My darkest secret is the Nembutal in my closet. I would like to be able to tell some people, but unfortunately suicidal ideation is punished and I can't screw up my safety net.

 

[stellabelle]

I struggle with homicidal thoughts as well. That's why I prefer to ctb. Living with this hatred is eating me alive.

 

[Zaynaldeen]

I thought I was the only one who had homicidal thoughts in here lol.

@FBI is a joke xd

 

[LongSeason]

I thought I was the only one who had homicidal thoughts in here lol.

@FBI is a joke xd

Yeah xD

 

[wanttodie]

I often fantasize having my arms and legs cut of so i can bleed out and die

 

[ReadyasEver]

In January of 1991, we stormed across the desert when we got reports of an entire Iraqi Republican Guard armored division moving to block our path. We picked up the pace and intercepted before they got into position to effectively defend. We fired away destroying everything in our path. Many of the men came out with their hands up, while many kept firing. We were ordered to keep up the fire until all their guns ceased. Those images will never leave my memory. I do not talk about it much to anyone, but their faces will never leave my mind.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Many of the men came out with their hands up, while many kept firing. We were ordered to keep up the fire until all their guns ceased

Sorry to ask, but did youse shoot the guys with their hands raised?
I probably know the answer already.

 

[ReadyasEver]

The tanks fired away until their guns ceased, hands up or not.

 

[Dwellinglifeless]

The actual cases of what happens in war. Not what you are told. I have other vet friends who have told me similar stories.

 

[JJ-NOHOPE]

Here's something I wrote to a friend recently:

My real sin is not loving anybody. I am not capable of it. It is the only thing in this world that matters, and I cannot have it. All lives without love should be allowed kill themselves without question. Perhaps that should be my next profession. Hit men to the chronically unloved and unlovable.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I have a deep dark secret, but I'm going to keep that to myself. For now anyway.

+1

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I've been taking Vicodin, hydrocodone actually that I got after I got my wisdom teeth removed to get high. I've been downing alcohol with it too so that I don't have to face life. It makes me feel good. Content. Like I can breathe.
I can't find that bottle anymore and I've just been drinking my life away ever since. Haven't spent a day sober in a long time. Gonna get drunk tonight too actually. Just been craving those magical little pills. They were amazing
I've also been lying to my roommates and saying I'm in pain (this time i am) cause almost all of them have some sort of disability that they are prescribed opiods for to see what the reaction is with alcohol. I'm trying to find something that feels as good as hydrocodone. So far nothing has worked. Surprise though. One of them has hydrocodone and I just got myself a pill. About to head to the bar now :/

 

[Soon4me]

I always wanted to be a helicopter.

 

[SMarie1204]

I feel awful saying this bc I know it's so wrong but it's a very intrusive thought--I'd do anything for an illness that would kill me.If a doctor gave me a month to live I'd walk out of there like I won the lottery. My sister died of a brain tumor 10 days after it was discovered and I know it made my mother's heart cold as hell, but at this point if it also happened to me I think she'd feel like she won the lottery too.

Then I remember that that is so offensive to people who have been affected by cancer and I feel like a douche. I'm sorry to anyone who reads this and thinks I'm incredibly selfish. I am.

 

[Jiva]

My darkest secret thought? When i read on SS a funny thread about suicide in a costume, i want to hang myself publicly on a gallows and being a big dead plush toy.

 

[Johnnythefox]

My darkest secret thought? When i read on SS a funny thread about suicide in a costume, i want to hang myself publicly on a gallows and being a big dead plush toy.

Yeah, I considered the clown costume, thought it would be some kind of statement. Maybe give the emergency service a chuckle.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I was the sole caretaker of my mom for years as she was dying. I tried to balance working so we had a place to live, school, providing her physical care and dealing with a mountain of hospital and government documents. Overwhelmed, I checked out emotionally. And I was even cruel (but never physically) at times. And I regret it every day of my life. I feel in some way I deserve this life I hate enough to throw away for having been a rotten kid to my mom. Even though I never asked to be here and my parents weren't remotely competent to justify becoming parents. I'll never forgive myself for how I treated my mom.

 

[sleepless]

I often think I would have enjoyed being a hit man, sometimes I feel nothing for no one. This list I gave my doctor when he asked me to write down the traits that make me think I may have autism! Seems I might have omitted some things. View attachment 4570

I love your handwriting, my eyes just glide over those words. I noticed they were all capitalized except for the letter 'i'. Are you a humble person, or are you the one behind the names of Apple's famous products?

 

[Johnnythefox]

I love your handwriting, my eyes just glide over those words. I noticed they were all capitalized except for the letter 'i'. Are you a humble person, or are you the one behind the names of Apple's famous products?

It's easier for me to understand when I write that way, I am humble.

 

[21Neberg]

I often imagine shooting my narc dad with a shotgun just to shut him up.

hit me too if you're at it then thanks ;)

 

[odette]

Throughout most of my childhood, I would have fantasies that my dad was dying and begging me for help and I would just stand there with a smile on my face. I can picture the look of shock and horror as he realizes I'm not going to help him. I haven't had those fantasies as an adult so much, but it still happens occasionally.

 

[Wallflower]

Homicidal thoughts I can definitely relate too. Torturing people I hate, really fucking hate, in the slowest, painful way possible. I can understand why some people go on a rampage. I would never want to hurt anyone, who has never done me wrong or simply just pissed me off. But those others who have..

i think about shit like this all the time. like fuck. probably just teen angst.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

It's not a secret. But I'm crazy. I told "you" all my secrets. I don't know if you were on my side. I hate that i miss you.

 

[Exile]

Sometimes I roll my cat onto her back and smooch her tummy. Poor girl.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

Sometimes I roll my cat onto her back and smooch her tummy. Poor girl.

I bet she loves it!

 

[namelessX8]

Yes I often get the torture fantasy.

well... related to "the torture fantasy" is my fantasy. I've always wanted to be tied up to a frame or something and fully restrained by a cute cis/trans girl and then repeatedly kicked between my legs until I pass out or die of shock or something.

I always wanted to be a girl anyway. :(

 

[Jodes]

I am now stuck in "angry". Smaller things triggered me more and more often. I end up bottling it up like a good citizen. But I am now so angry so much of the time I no longer recognise myself. I am stuck in a shit hole off a life in a country that iscsufficating me with cunts running the world, ruining the world and all that shit I am now having frequent homicidal thoughts. Were it legal I'd certainly have killed someone by now.

How's everyone feeling? Did you miss me LOL. Im sorry to hear about @Xerxes, whatever others thought, I always had no doubt he was genuine. And @Sinbad, @Whatshername , and quite frankly a list is impractical and would be insincere but my thoughts linger with bittersweetness, and I'm sure that's relatable so I'll leave this here, just finally though, it's nice to be back here where I've met some of the most decent, enlightened people.

 

[GeorgeJL]

If anyone wishes to share feel free. I have homicidal thoughts and strong call of the void that is near insatiable for me to ignore if my mood is low enough. It has left my life in shambles. Probably my easiest excuse to ctb.

It's better to take your own life than someone else's.




I have a dark secret that I can't even share on this forum. It took me years to tell my brother and he doesn't even believe that what I did was fucked up, which is really bazaar.

 

[Jodes]

It's better to take your own life than someone else's.




I have a dark secret that I can't even share on this forum. It took me years to tell my brother and he doesn't even believe that what I did was fucked up, which is really bazaar.

Sorry to hear. I have been told of one or two possible such stories and the pain must be unbearable.

I do think though, that there is absolutely a time to kill: for the sake of more lives, or a greater good. I'm opposed to the death penalty because the whole system and process is fallible and cruel. But some people just gotta die.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Sorry to hear. I have been told of one or two possible such stories and the pain must be unbearable.

I do think though, that there is absolutely a time to kill: for the sake of more lives, or a greater good. I'm opposed to the death penalty because the whole system and process is fallible and cruel. But some people just gotta die.

I use to be for the death penalty because I believed that criminals had to get what they deserved, then against it because DNA kits were coming out and exonerating people on death row, now I am for it because prison for the most part is a shit hole and the people in it don't deserve to suffer like that and create all that suffering, sin, and karma.