Venting Conflicted with leaving someone

[simplyunheardof]

I'm planning to CTB in exactly a week, I can't wait, but I'm also lost at what to do with my friend. He's struggling a lot too and besides me he has no reason to continue living, I'm stuck in a situation where if I don't message him at least once in two weeks he will have assumed I passed. I'm grateful to have a brother who has no strong understanding of death, could it be his autism? doesn't matter, point is he's willing to log into my account to message him once a week pretending to be me, so I can go in peace. Funny thing tho- I like that guy a lot, had a crush on him for a year lol but combined with everything else in my life I cannot stay for him or anyone. This is a ramble atp but idc I cant wait to cut myself head to toe and finally slit my wrists in a week, idc if its a painful way to die, I haven't even begun writing everyone notes when I intended to start friday. I finally set up a tinder account too so maybe I wont die a virgin lmao someone laugh at me and my situation

 

[indefinitesleep]

does your brother know?

 

[schmerz]

maybe a bit cruel to say but it isn't your responsibility to look after him or ensure his safety. i understand wanting to not leave someone behind though, but i also dont think its a good idea for your brother to keep messaging him since im fairly sure it will be much more crushing for him to find out it was your brother all along

 

[simplyunheardof]

does your brother know?

Yup, he knows about my intentions and he's known me the longest, he's down to do it, only thing he's afraid of is not replicating my mannerisms, I'm so lucky I have a brother like that

maybe a bit cruel to say but it isn't your responsibility to look after him or ensure his safety. i understand wanting to not leave someone behind though, but i also dont think its a good idea for your brother to keep messaging him since im fairly sure it will be much more crushing for him to find out it was your brother all along

true to both of your points, I could try to make an ai of myself on one of those chatbot things so my brother wouldnt have to think too hard abt stuff, he doesnt have to know abt my passing as long as he's doing just fine

 

[-nobodyknows-]

point is he's willing to log into my account to message him once a week pretending to be me

That's messed up

 

[simplyunheardof]

That's messed up

why?