Why am I like this…

[Mx_Pathetic]

I made a new friend recently and he had joined me in a game and I said some dumbass shit. They were all jokes but I feel like I completely crossed a line. I kept rage baiting him with things I straight up shouldn't have, it wasn't banter it was straight up me acting like a fucking kid. I feel so embarrassed of myself and disappointed. I sent him a message to apologise.

"I'm sorry about how I acted, sometimes I take my jokes to far and it's crosses the line. I know you said you were fine and I believe you, but it didn't feel fine to me. I felt like shit for saying those dumbass jokes. Joking or not it was dumb and I know that. If at all you every feel like what I'm saying it to much or my 'jokes' are getting on your nerves tell me, because I'm bad at reading people and don't want you to think I don't care about how you feel. I'd rather you be honest and tell me to quit it. Again I'm deeply sorry if I made you uncomfortable in anyway. I'm aware I can be a bit too much for some people. Sorry again."

No idea if he will read it for one and honestly maybe it's a bit to much of a message for someone I only meet two weeks ago. I'm not using this as an excuse either but yesterday I did relapse and it's taken a bit of a toll on me. When he joined too I was extremely anxious. I want to delete the message already but I also want him to know I'm sorry. I'm overreacting.

The need to punch something or myself is so intense it's not funny. I don't know why I'm acting like a fucking child and it's making me angry and disgusted in myself. I feel so emotional right now and I just feel so sorry. He said he was fine, but I feel like he's lying even if I want to believe him. What the actually fuck is wrong with me…I'm gonna delete the message.

 

[PenPen<3]

I understand what you mean I get really anxious over how I'm treating others and feel childish for it
This doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong besides maybe crossing a line right after relapsing, which is very understandable and a normal mistake. Please don't feel like you need to beat yourself up over it, you're just being human

 

[endboss]

You did nothing wrong imo. The best part about gaming is feeling like a kid and you got carried away a bit. I think if you really said something unforgivable he would have probably said something right away.