Chronic Illnesses and Physical Diseases Megathread

[PhDone]

I'm jealous of the terminally ill

Omg yes

 

[8leveloquenfrn4evr8]

So bloody true. And people around us in general too. We have a daily fight that is disgraceful. And people then assert our mental health is problematic to healing. Omfg it makes me so triggered to have to even justify answers to their bs. I can even imagine the bs said after I die: "oh see, I knew it was mostly mental health"….thereby belittling mental health AND the reality of my physical health experience.

Disgraceful is the right word, yes. It almost seems like there is something about human nature that prevents most people from having real empathy toward those who are weakened due to being stricken by some kind of disorder including something as simple, even if mysterious, as bad luck.

 

[suffering_mo]

Disgraceful is the right word, yes. It almost seems like there is something about human nature that prevents most people from having real empathy toward those who are weakened due to being stricken by some kind of disorder including something as simple, even if mysterious, as bad luck.

You only get real and lasting empathy if you are dying. Most will be empathetic at first if you are sick or injured but as time goes on, this fades away and they expect you to just "get better already". It's really messed up.

 

[PhDone]

You only get real and lasting empathy if you are dying. Most will be empathetic at first if you are sick or injured but as time goes on, this fades away and they expect you to just "get better already". It's really messed up.

Omg this is so true. Its like people are hesitant to ask how you are in case the answer is "no change". They only really want to hear that you are better or improving. "The same" is like too depressing for them. Terminal is different because then everyone gets to rally round and play comfort roles. And be heralded for their support.

 

[suffering_mo]

Omg this is so true. Its like people are hesitant to ask how you are in case the answer is "no change". They only really want to hear that you are better or improving. "The same" is like too depressing for them. Terminal is different because then everyone gets to rally round and play comfort roles. And be heralded for their support.

100% yes. No one asks me any longer how I am doing or feeling. They don't want to hear it any longer. And if you bring anything up, they often will go silent and not even engage. It's so strange!! I've even been told that I need to have joy in my suffering and stop wallowing in misery, and realize that everyone carries burdens and that because life is short, I will only carry these for a short time. It's horse shit. I'm expected to live like this for decades and it's not short. I've barely been hanging on by a thread for several months, let alone years. I'd like them to walk in my shoes and then tell me this.

 

[PhDone]

100% yes. No one asks me any longer how I am doing or feeling. They don't want to hear it any longer. And if you bring anything up, they often will go silent and not even engage. It's so strange!! I've even been told that I need to have joy in my suffering and stop wallowing in misery, and realize that everyone carries burdens and that because life is short, I will only carry these for a short time. It's horse shit. I'm expected to live like this for decades and it's not short. I've barely been hanging on by a thread for several months, let alone years. I'd like them to walk in my shoes and then tell me this.

Omg this so much my experience too. Its like we have to do our best to not have others lives tainted by our presence. Fake the joy so we dont look unhappy, or bring anyone down. Bring anyone down??? Fml, try having some compassion and consider how we're doing well even being here. I wonder if/when we ctb what they'll say then? "Oh they really did need to try harder not to be miserable". Makes me mad. One day in my shoes and they'd be in utter shock.

All the positive toxicity and platitudes crap. Joy in your suffering, fmfl. If we dont 'make it through' we'll inevitably have everyone believing we were weak and miserable. Not overwhelmed in debilitating suffering. Its lose-lose.

 

[Monad]

I am dealing with constant back pain. About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with a herniated disc. No matter what I do, even laying down, causes moderate pain in my lower back. It isn't completely debilitating, but is something that impairs my daily life.

About 6 months ago, it got a lot better, but recently, due to some unfortunate circumstances and poor posture while doing things, it has come back.

I constantly thing the pain will never go away, even though it has in the past and will again, my brain things it won't.

I know it's not the worst thing in the world, but it causes me a lot of suffering.

I hope all of you are doing well and coping with the suffering of life. Love you all.

 

[howunfortunateforme]

I will throw in my voice to keep this megathread going because people need to realize that the health care system is totally failed. There are people who have conditions that were not properly diagnosed and/or could have been prevented if the doctors and health care administrators did things properly. I will now almost certainly have to kill myself due to having a spinal disorder that could have been prevented if its early manifestation had been operated on long ago. Now I am forced to "live" with chronic pain, along with all my other problems, while being lied to and disrespected by medical doctors on a regular basis. Having to deal with their attitudes and bullshit only adds to my misery.

I was given multiple drugs that caused permanent vidual and neurological issues so now I have to die very sad bc leaving kids behind but I'm disabled now after being a helathy active teacher and athlete very sad

 

[takinoborudesu]

im just venting here because no one else in my life understands.

last year i got approved to receive VA disability money because of fun stuff that happened in the military, and it allowed me to quit my job that was crushing my already-broken body day by day. it's been a reprieve from the daily torture, when i thought of ctb every single minute.

now i just stay at home all day and focus on churning out as much artwork as possible, because that is my life's purpose, and i feel frantic and desperate to get it all out onto paper before i leave this world, or else it will all die with me. but im aware that one day, very likely VA payments will be cut, especially under this administration, and when that happens i will eat through my savings and then say goodbye.

i just can't go back to the torture that my life was, and i don't have the skills or brainpower to get into a field where telework is common. besides, telework is disappearing, and those jobs are being replaced by AI anyway. i don't want to go back to selling my body and sanity for money.

and i can't vent about this to anyone because people act really weird once they find out you get money from the government that wrecked your body. the only ones who know are my family, and they don't understand why my depression didn't miraculously disappear after i left my job, and shouldn't i be grateful, and i can just get back to work if the money dries up, and i have nothing to whine about. maybe you guys think the same. maybe this website is a waste of time too.

i'm just so tired.

I'm jealous of the terminally ill

yeah things have been kind of fucked up between my dad who is has cancer and me who is depressed and suicidal. we both think the other should be grateful...

 

[HD72]

im just venting here because no one else in my life understands.

last year i got approved to receive VA disability money because of fun stuff that happened in the military, and it allowed me to quit my job that was crushing my already-broken body day by day. it's been a reprieve from the daily torture, when i thought of ctb every single minute.

now i just stay at home all day and focus on churning out as much artwork as possible, because that is my life's purpose, and i feel frantic and desperate to get it all out onto paper before i leave this world, or else it will all die with me. but im aware that one day, very likely VA payments will be cut, especially under this administration, and when that happens i will eat through my savings and then say goodbye.

i just can't go back to the torture that my life was, and i don't have the skills or brainpower to get into a field where telework is common. besides, telework is disappearing, and those jobs are being replaced by AI anyway. i don't want to go back to selling my body and sanity for money.

and i can't vent about this to anyone because people act really weird once they find out you get money from the government that wrecked your body. the only ones who know are my family, and they don't understand why my depression didn't miraculously disappear after i left my job, and shouldn't i be grateful, and i can just get back to work if the money dries up, and i have nothing to whine about. maybe you guys think the same. maybe this website is a waste of time too.

i'm just so tired.

yeah things have been kind of fucked up between my dad who is has cancer and me who is depressed and suicidal. we both think the other should be grateful...

I think everyone should have the right to done instead of having doctors torture them while they get to live a wonderful life. My wish is every doctor and asshole had to be in pain and not be allowed pain meds.

 

[benjamind2020]

I wish that too. I think any doctor who knowingly allows a patient to suffer needlessly should be put before the courts and forced to pay restitution big time. The government also needs to stay...the...fuck...out of our personal medical business. I mean, Trump and the like want to outlaw abortion and the stacked justices have ensured that will happen at least on a Federal level. What a bunch of fucking pigs. They don't care about your human rights. I don't know what it is they care about, but your rights are not on their list of priorities. I thought governments were there to serve the people.

Seems like it's the other way around. It just angers me so much when you realise the controlling nature of governments and the fact that they won't just allow people to have some autonomy over matters involving their own health. But no...God no...we can't have that.

And you see, that's why we can't have nice things.

 

[SWATKATS]

I joined this site ,because as of this year I have been dealing with chronic nerve pain in all extremities but mostly my feet. I had my first surgery 2 weeks ago, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. No one seems to know what exactly is causing all my issues, but it isn't one single condition. I don't see myself getting better, only worse. I can't live like this, especially since I'm still relatively young. Im loosing my business, Its difficult for me to leave the house, let alone the bed. The only reason why I haven't CTB is because it makes me sick to have to put my amazing wife and daughter through such misery because of my loss. But, I also know in the long run they would be better off without having to care and suffer with me. Life was so good up until a year ago, and Id do anything to fix what is going on but my hope has all but dissipated. ='( Scared and hurt with nowhere to turn.

 

[littleearthquakes]

I really need to talk to someone who understands chronic pain and illness, especially in severe forms, and won't be toxic positive and freaked out by how sick and disabled and depressed I am. My conditions are treatment resistant and degenerative. It's so hard to even be able to talk about what's going on or how I feel with people who don't know what it's like. I just want to be able to vent a little or even distract but know that someone gets it and won't push me away or be weird to me. DMs are open.

 

[SWATKATS]

Im so sick of getting pushed away by one doctor after another. Each referral takes moths to see someone, and finally the appointment arrives after months of waiting, only to let your hopes of finding a solution to ending this misery come crashing down again. Everything I did before last year I did on my feet. I participated in several ultra endurance sports, I went to the gym daily, camped, wade fished, hiked for days, walked the dog everyday, gardened, and landscaped. My trade even requires me to be on my feet for 8 hrs. Rarely would you find me sitting down, I was always on the go, and I loved it. Everything I love, everything that has made me is being up on my feet. Now I can barely walk 50 yards without being in tears. I can't even stand long enough to throw the ball to my dog. Each week that passes gets harder and harder, and is filled with even more tears. I can tell my time to CTB is closing in, I've bought the rope, learned the knots, now I just have to find the courage and a tree.

 

[IsThisEverything]

Just a vent but thought it would be good to post it here.

I've been suffering from nausea and severe fatigue for several months. I've lost a lot of weight as I can barely eat anything. The fatigue/brain fog has meant I've been off work sick and while I've tried to go back part time, I can't focus and am not productive. I've seen the GP and had some tests but no diagnosis yet. Doctors seem in no hurry to find out what's wrong.

I'm very stressed I'm going to lose my job over this. I can't afford to lose my job as I live alone. I'll lose my home and everything. I'm under a lot of pressure to go back to work or tell them what's wrong but I don't know.

This is all making my depression worse as working is one of the few things that helps my mood as it makes me feel useful. I'm really struggling mentally and physically and just want to give up.

 

[gothbird]

I've suffered with treatment resistant fibromyalgia for over a decade now, rheumatoid arthritis and a slew of mental illnesses including PTSD and MMD. I fear being disabled will hinder my chances at successfully CTB. I want to leave so bad.

 

[TurboCharcha]

Hey, I'm in my late twenties and have long covid. I can't work, I can't enjoy and I can't seem to die either, so it's torture.

Recently I realized how starved I was of friends that were in the same page. Even though I know other people with long covid, none are as severe as me (that isn't a bad thing, but it's harder for them to relate to me) and all of them love giving advice. I don't want advice. Also none of them really want to stop existing and they don't understand when I talk about that with them. They tell me things like "life is a gift" and I don't get it: how can you, being disabled, think that? Anyway that's their problem, they can think whatever they want, but they project it onto me and I hate that and it makes it even harder to connect.

I want people that can truly understand a disability situation and that want to build an online friendship. I can chat almost every day, but sometimes I have a lot of trouble with long, multi-topic messages, especially in the mornings because of severe brain fog. That shouldn't be a problem to someone that empathizes, though.

I'm in UTC-4 timezone and also speak Spanish natively, if that's what you prefer. Feel free to start a conversation with me.

 

[aiyuxhan]

I think everyone should have the right to done instead of having doctors torture them while they get to live a wonderful life. My wish is every doctor and asshole had to be in pain and not be allowed pain meds.

Omfg, I've had these thoughts before. Doctors just tell me to accept and live with pain. I hate them