Checked into hotel- goodbye thread-sn

[Idontmatter]

Don't beat yourself up. Actually catching the bus is one of the hardest things a human being can do, no matter the method.

I'm determined to make it happen still and soon.

 

[Everlong]

Well I've checked into the hotel. In less than 24 hours I'll be mixing sn and drinking it so I guess I can start my goodbye thread. I'm nervous and scared. Hopefully I can beat my si. I said goodbye to my husband for the final time this morning and cried like a baby in the car. He is going to be devastated when he finds out I'm gone. I'll update this thread as the process continues. Right now I'm relaxing in the hotel room. I've started fasting as well. I'm scared to death of failing. As always I apologize in advance if I ramble. I'm planning on drinking sn no later than 3 pm tomorrow afternoon. Thank you all on this forum for your support over the past year. I'm feeling guilty because my husband is very supportive but I can't go on anymore.

Severe depression and anxiety. I've tried many medications, I tried TMS treatments. I was in a mental facility last year for a week which was a waste. I'm tired of doctors because I feel like they don't care. I'm far from lazy but I can't get motivated to do anything. I only go to work because we need money to live.

I know it's the latest craze but I went camping last night alone. Ate some shrooms, swam in the lake watching the sunset standing in shoulder deep water, had a fire, roasted some dogs. I cannot explain the relief and release I have today. I strongly recommend based on this post of yours.
I'm not sure how long this will last as far as depression relief. I microdosed this morning and my family thinks someone else walked through the door. Things are much lighter today.
We support any decision you make. We are all trying to find relief from our tortured minds. If you want another chance to kick depression's ass, think about it.
Much love and respect.

 

[#imdone]

I'm a fucking pathetic wimp. I'm not doing it today. I checked out of the hotel this morning. I'm sorry for disappointing everyone. I was so sure that I was going to go through with it. I guess it's si. I feel horrible this morning about it. Fuck, I want to die but my body is saying no. I hate this.. I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry it's just not your time to go

 

[Idontmatter]

I know it's the latest craze but I went camping last night alone. Ate some shrooms, swam in the lake watching the sunset standing in shoulder deep water, had a fire, roasted some dogs. I cannot explain the relief and release I have today. I strongly recommend based on this post of yours.
I'm not sure how long this will last as far as depression relief. I microdosed this morning and my family thinks someone else walked through the door. Things are much lighter today.
We support any decision you make. We are all trying to find relief from our tortured minds. If you want another chance to kick depression's ass, think about it.
Much love and respect.

I want to try shrooms, just have to find where I can get some

 

[brokensea]

Since you mentioned your husband will be devastated by your loss, you want to do this at home but if someone finds a dead body of someone close to them who's committed suicide it compounds grief for them so much more and makes it so much harder to get over. They will never get the image out of their mind of your lifeless body and they've done studies it increases trauma a lot more. If you can go out hiking or find another place I'd suggest that if you do care how your husband will feel.

 

[Euthanza]

It's okay mate, no need to apologize, you owe us nothing but what's the best for you. I'll be still here to respect you whatever you decide to.

 

[trayansh]

I'm a fucking pathetic wimp. I'm not doing it today. I checked out of the hotel this morning. I'm sorry for disappointing everyone. I was so sure that I was going to go through with it. I guess it's si. I feel horrible this morning about it. Fuck, I want to die but my body is saying no. I hate this.. I'm sorry.

You didn't disappoint anyone, SI is a bitch.

 

[Hollowillow]

I know it's the latest craze but I went camping last night alone. Ate some shrooms, swam in the lake watching the sunset standing in shoulder deep water, had a fire, roasted some dogs. I cannot explain the relief and release I have today. I strongly recommend based on this post of yours.
I'm not sure how long this will last as far as depression relief. I microdosed this morning and my family thinks someone else walked through the door. Things are much lighter today.
We support any decision you make. We are all trying to find relief from our tortured minds. If you want another chance to kick depression's ass, think about it.
Much love and respect.

I think the relief is from going in nature & connecting to life... Shrooms in a stressful.place would be a bad trip. I wish I could go to a lake! Camping! Fire! Swimming! Eating flesh! Hopefully not actual dogs.

 

[Everlong]

How

I want to try shrooms, just have to find where I can get some

How's the world treating you today @Idontmatter?

 

[Idontmatter]

How

How's the world treating you today @Idontmatter?

Still tired, It seems like life isn't worth living. I'm pissed off that I'm still here

 

[Everlong]

Still tired, It seems like life isn't worth living. I'm pissed off that I'm still here

Man, do I understand that feeling. Just laying down is exhausting from the mental toll of the thought train. Executive function is compromised when we're tired. Do whatever you can to try and get some rest before you make any big decisions. Easier said than done, I know. Share here to get things off your chest. Perhaps it will bring some relief.

 

[Dot]

I'm a fucking pathetic wimp. I'm not doing it today. I checked out of the hotel this morning. I'm sorry for disappointing everyone. I was so sure that I was going to go through with it. I guess it's si. I feel horrible this morning about it. Fuck, I want to die but my body is saying no. I hate this.. I'm sorry.

U nevr nd 2 apolgse 2 othr ppl abt decidng nt 2 tke ur own lfe

Nobdy shld b dsappointd tht u chnge ur mnd- = ds nt wrk lke tht

 

[Al0neAlwayz]

As selfish that this might sound, I think I'm going to make my next attempt at home. I always have 8 hours of time alone on Thursdays and Fridays where I can ctb in the basement bathroom. My husband is going to be the one to find me which breaks my heart but he knows how suicidal I am. I was really nervous in the hotel room which was part of the problem. Unless I can find a ctb partner then I can do it somewhere else.

Where are you? I'm in FL I want a partner.

 

[Everlong]

I think the relief is from going in nature & connecting to life... Shrooms in a stressful.place would be a bad trip. I wish I could go to a lake! Camping! Fire! Swimming! Eating flesh! Hopefully not actual dogs.

I've always made sure I was set up for success with any psychedelic. I've been stressed lately. Really stressed. Had a blow up and decided to camp earlier. Everything was rushed. Friends and brother thought I was making a mistake. It was beautiful. Yes, nature does wonders for a tortured mind. I've been microdosing everyday since. I know it's psilocybin at this point. Not discounting the nature experience and any lingering effects. The sun is brighter. I see humanity in people. I have no agenda. No threatening feelings from strangers. I'm not slow to anger. I haven't felt it since. I know I'm conjuring a different mindset but I feel like my brain has no walls. It's just open. I think how I felt before and I literally imagine machinery in my head. Gears and cogs just turning thoughts going through every conceivable worst case scenario. I'm free…for now. I'm not sure how long this will last but I'll take it. I plan to continue micro everyday and a camping trip as needed.
I'm not saying this is the answer for everyone. That's shallow thinking. But I do want to share another avenue for people. I have so much compassion for all of us. It's terrible feeling like your mind is bent on your own destruction.
Please share any methods you guys find. And do be careful. A bad trip is a possibility and you make a worthy caution.
Much love and respect everyone.

 

[Idontmatter]

Where are you? I'm in FL I want a partner.

Pennsylvania but can travel

 

[booplesnoot34]

Severe depression and anxiety. I've tried many medications, I tried TMS treatments. I was in a mental facility last year for a week which was a waste. I'm tired of doctors because I feel like they don't care. I'm far from lazy but I can't get motivated to do anything. I only go to work because we need money to live.

I know you're no longer here, but as someone who is about to start TMS, I fear it won't work for me either. I'm scared. This is my last hope.