Discussion Anyone feel like they've lived too long?

[ZRA]

There's a particular point at which I was about to make an attempt - method prepared and so on - and I didn't. In retrospect, it seems like I really should have. Up to then, my self-hatred was purely internal; since, I've just gotten more and more unable to function. It feels like I missed the perfect moment, though I might be biased by lost dignity.

 

[Obliviate]

I'm honestly surprised I've lived this long

 

[Chronicillness]

I haven't truly been alive because I've suffered for far too long.

 

[Mofreeko]

All I know is that if I had offed myself a decade ago I would have spared myself from a lot of wage slaving and suffering in general.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Oh, there's no doubt about that. I wish I could have been gone 25 years ago.

 

[iltloml]

I'm 34 and I lived way too long. I caused nothing but pain and hurt to people. Should have been dead 5 years ago. My time is so close now I can taste it.

 

[freedompass]

60 here and what was the fucking point. I resent the physical body, its insistence on living is a tyranny. At this point I despair of ever finding it in me to end it. There's no way around it, ctb is a brutal act, yet limping on against our will is also brutal. Life is a predicament and as time goes on the fear of being old and helpless gets stronger. I've never made a serious attempt. So I limp on like many of us here, clinging to distractions and numbing myself to the pain as best I can.

 

[Hirokami]

How did I make it to my late 20s, even?

 

[nootthenoot]

Yeah, even though people consider this phase of my life to be the beginning, I still feel I lived too long. Should of ctb when I was still young, now I'm forced to suffer.

 

[nohopenohappiness]

As life goes on and on I wonder if I'm causing myself more damage and pain by staying alive continuing to fight when the war is over is my greatest battle and biggest question

 

[foreverfalling]

200 years ago, life expectancy was 30-40 years. Many will say 30 is still young and is when life begins, but I feel I've lived enough, my natural time span is calling. What else am I going to do with the rest of my artificially prolonged life? Exactly the same thing?

 

[lionetta12]

There's a particular point at which I was about to make an attempt - method prepared and so on - and I didn't. In retrospect, it seems like I really should have. Up to then, my self-hatred was purely internal; since, I've just gotten more and more unable to function. It feels like I missed the perfect moment, though I might be biased by lost dignity.

12 year overdue.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My Mum died aged 40. All my life, I was convinced I would do the same. So gutted that I'm now 42. I did have health issues a few years back that left unattended may have eventually lead to death (a gallstone in the bile duct) but the pain was unbearable and I got it removed.

Honestly though, my birth was described by doctors as a 'medical impossibility', so I'm pretty pissed off I made it on to this rock at all.

 

[Ashu]

60 here and what was the fucking point. I resent the physical body, its insistence on living is a tyranny. At this point I despair of ever finding it in me to end it. There's no way around it, ctb is a brutal act, yet limping on against our will is also brutal. Life is a predicament and as time goes on the fear of being old and helpless gets stronger. I've never made a serious attempt. So I limp on like many of us here, clinging to distractions and numbing myself to the pain as best I can.

Fortunately for us, passive suicide in the form of surrender to some deadly illness, becomes a more and more likely opportunity with every year that passes.

 

[fireball2]

The first time I tried to ctb, I was 10. I forced myself to believe what everyone said about things getting better, but here I am a decade later and it's only gotten worse. I just have more people to feel guilty about hurting now. It should've worked the first time.

 

[Musichater]

Yes, to the point that I have to resist the urge to snap at anyone wishing me longevity on my birthday.

 

[freevoid]

Yes absolutely. I foolishly had hope things would get better and also decided to follow my general morbid curiosity for life. Wish I offed myself at 15 like i had originally planned.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I've never really lived at all… At least not up to my expectations… But I'm out of steam

 

[counting-out-time]

The way I see my life is that I'm 30 now but been alive 30 years too long.

 

[almaranthine]

I've been in two car accidents where I was sure I was about to die and was at peace with it... that was such an incredible feeling. Unfortunately still here... not sure how. Not happy about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Even one second of this life is far too long for me. I should have left this life behind as soon as possible, staying alive is the worst and most pointless thing. Only those who die are truly lucky, all that I have wished for my whole life is to achieve true peace that cannot be found in this nightmarish world.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Certainly. I wish I had never had to live a moment of this life.

 

[myfinalform]

Yes, i damn past my prime

 

[whileIstillmatter]

When you attempt to CTB in your teens or 20s, the idea of having "your whole future ahead of you" is the carrot they dangle. Well, I took the carrot and deeply regret it.

 

[whitefeather]

Great thread.

 

[Sniffer]

I'm 47. Last four years torture but grateful for a decent life before that. Fucked now though by a medical condition that is untreatable. It's actually so hard as I remember the good life but there is no way back to it and that is frustrating. Facings facts I'll probably CTB this week.

 

[makethepainstop]

I first failed to ctb at age 11. I'm now 60+ years old. Yes I've lived too long.

 

[whywhywhy]

Never had a truly happy life but this last year I even I lost the feeling of excitement and anticipation that I had for the few things in my life that made me keep going. Everything that excited me stopped doing it. Its like Ive seen/done everything I had to. I dont know if someone else has this feeling I'd rather feel sad than dead inside but thats how it goes.
Thats why I cannot comprehend how someone can keep going until their 60-80s without having the same feeling and finding new things to be excited for. Maybe im too cold or a fucking robot psychopath but thats how it is now.

 

[ikadasui]

Every day I don't is just another day I disappoint myself and annoy those around me. It's just shame 24/7 and never fun, truly no fucking idea why I'm still here

 

[Dark Moon]

Yeah, I've lived for too long and things are getting worse. I thought I would have been dead by now because I have already attempted twice and failed.