Discussion anyone else scared of NOT dying?

[unbelievablydead]

especially with the new year coming up, i'm just so scared of my method not working. i don't want to make it to 2026 i really don't. anyone else?

 

[MicahBell]

especially with the new year coming up, i'm just so scared of my method not working. i don't want to make it to 2026 i really don't. anyone else?

I don't want to live that long either. I'm not afraid of death but i'm afraid of hurting others.

 

[woodlandcreature]

that's a big reason why i'm still here. i'm such a coward.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I always fear suffering for longer in this dreadful, torturous existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel, I find it so horrible how this deeply undesirable and cruel existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for can continue for way longer.

All I want is some peace, I just want to be gone, I just want to never suffer again, all I see as positive is being permanently unconscious free from the burden of existing that just causes harm and suffering, I just always suffer so much from existing in this horrific, dreadful world where peaceful death is denied for me with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what instead.

 

[somewhatdeadly]

I understand, I always fear suffering for longer in this dreadful, torturous existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel, I find it so horrible how this deeply undesirable and cruel existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for can continue for way longer.

All I want is some peace, I just want to be gone, I just want to never suffer again, all I see as positive is being permanently unconscious free from the burden of existing that just causes harm and suffering, I just always suffer so much from existing in this horrific, dreadful world where peaceful death is denied for me with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what instead.

it feels like this torute wont be ending if i dont end it. i feel like i'll live forever.

 

[tunnelV]

Yeah my birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I was thinking of doing it on my birthday. Same day in, same day out. Before the new year.

 

[itsgone2]

Sometimes I get this little window of normal. Last night for some reason
Today? Right back in the shit. Yes I'm terrified of how long I'll survive

 

[unbelievablydead]

Sometimes I get this little window of normal. Last night for some reason
Today? Right back in the shit. Yes I'm terrified of how long I'll survive

idk about you, but for me, that little window of "normal" (not what i would call it in my case but maybe something close lol) is almost annoying. like i know i want to ctb and then there's a small nudge of either "but maybe you'll still be ok in this life" or "see things are getting better". the issue for me is that i've suffered a really awful kind of trauma, and i don't think i can live a normal life/the kind of life i was imagining for myself because of it. i'm not able to enjoy the same things i used to, i feel trapped inside my own mind and body, and i look at everyone around me and just feel so jealous because they look happy and free. so i just don't see the point for myself anymore.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

yeah, anxious i'll somehow screw up trying to ctb on my bus date. that's why i've been looking for ways to minimize the chance of failure as much as i can. i'm really iffy about ctb'ing earlier than the date i have set for myself, and i know for sure i can't push it back....i really can't.

but even then, i can only hope i'll succeed and find peace once and for all. :,(

 

[ifihadnever]

Yes, I really didn't want to see another Christmas and new year through. but I've a horrible feeling ill be entering 2026....its weighing down hard...

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I seem to be the kind that is just going to run out the clock, I guess. A nice thing about getting older ( approx 60 ) is the years go by really fast. But yeah, I'm tired of the years, I've had more than enough New Year's Days. I just go to bed early and hope to not wake up. Thank God I will die one way or another.

 

[eggsausagerice]

geniunely i need to die this month or i'll have a mental breakdown come january. i just feel incredibly anxious at the thought that i won't be dead before next year and i'll have to force myself to get my license and enroll back into college even though i have no will to do anything. because it's like, what am i going to do with myself if i keep living? it freaks me out. i guess it's a mix of laziness and knowing that i don't have a way to forget all the self isolation and suicide research i've done this year. i already feel like i've done irreparable damage to myself and can't find any hope for the future. i legitimately don't want to function in society anymore if i know that i can just drop dead and kill myself.

 

[Terrible_Life]

Yes I am scares of it because if I don't die this endless circle of pain will continue and it is unbearable what i go through day after day.
I am stupid for not killing myself years ago.

 

[madwoman]

I'm terrified once I've completed my planning/prep and am ready for it that it'll fail and then what? I am kind of planning for a possible failure so if it happens I'm not completely effed. But who knows how it'll actually go. Living like this sucks

 

[davidtorez]

Since my N is from 2018 and I'm planning to take it soon, there's still a bit of a worry in my mind that it wont work due to it being expired even though experts have said its good even decades beyond its expiry date

 

[eggsausagerice]

Since my N is from 2018 and I'm planning to take it soon, there's still a bit of a worry in my mind that it wont work due to it being expired even though experts have said its good even decades beyond its expiry date

dawg how and why do you have N lol

 

[davidtorez]

dawg how and why do you have N lol

Got it back in 2018 from a guy in Mexico who is now in jail for precisely this reason. Selling N .

 

[Defenestration]

Me also...i hope 2026 will be the death

 

[ifa26]

I know for a fact that my family would go in debt to pay for medical care for me even if I was a vegetable and was still 100% certain that I want to die
My biggest fear is being even more of a burden than I already am
The fear that I won't actually die is huge because they would just lock me into their house against my will and take care of me not letting me see the sun or the world
Hooked up to tubes, on medication, incapable of functioning properly. Being sick and disabled was a nightmare in the past and the prospect of being powerless like that again in the future terrifies me; Being completely physically dependent. They've put me in therapy and mental healthcare before, it was painful, patronizing.
I'm "recovered now" just to get them off my ass about it all.
I know being taken care of is a luxury and I feel for anyone reading this who does not have a family who cares for them, but my family does not care out of love
They care for me because they don't want the inconvenience, the funeral, the "shame" or "stain" on the family, the legal implications of it all.

 

[unbelievablydead]

Yeah my birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I was thinking of doing it on my birthday. Same day in, same day out. Before the new year.

happy early birthday and wishing you peace with whatever you decide

 

[nendn]

not scared but it is a mild increase in mood instability

 

[Macedonian1987]

especially with the new year coming up, i'm just so scared of my method not working. i don't want to make it to 2026 i really don't. anyone else?

To be honest I'm petrified of failing my SN attempt. I want to succeed on my first attempt. I just don't want to be alive anymore. I'm so very tired of being so alone, not being loved, avoided by all because of my Asperger's and like all of this wasn't enough I have chronic pain on top of it all.

I'm so very very tired.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Definitely. I'm terrified of failing an attempt and being in an even worse state as a result. I also fear old age and illness/ natural death. I fear that future too.

 

[zdeweilx]

especially with the new year coming up, i'm just so scared of my method not working. i don't want to make it to 2026 i really don't. anyone else?

Yes. My worst biggest fear is eternal life.

 

[Luke27]

especially with the new year coming up, i'm just so scared of my method not working. i don't want to make it to 2026 i really don't. anyone else?

At this point I've accepted that there's no way I can die

Yes. My worst biggest fear is eternal life.

You definitely don't have to worry about that

 

[merlinscries]

I thought you were talking about immortality lmao.

Actually, I'd love to be immortal. Why? Because it would mean I had an infinite amount of time to figure out how to alter my body and consciousness in a way that would make life more bearable.
But immortality would need to be defined. Does it mean immortal in the sense of not aging? Not getting ill either? Can somebody else kill you?

I mean, look at the immortal jellyfish [Turritopsis dohrnii]. TECHNICALLY, it is immortal but it can still be killed.

True immortality is impossible for biological organisms. That only works in fiction.

 

[Baisley]

I am terrified of not finding a method that I can actually do to end my existence.

 

[Defenestration]

Yes fear of sn dont kill me

 

[unluckysadness]

Yes fear of sn dont kill me

Me too

 

[inkmage333]

I'm scared too, because I really don't want to survive my next ctb attempt. What if I survive only to be completely unable to try and ctb again because I'm paralyzed or something? I want to make sure this next attempt does the job for good and finally rids me of this painful existence.