I've mentioned in my last post that I stopped reading stories lest i feel human. But now it's just kinda confusing. I dont wanna feel human. But daydreaming and stories help me better visualise my death and come to terms with it. I wish I were never born. Then I wouldn't have to be so cowardly and cause irreparable damage to the people around me. I wish I lived alone. Idk what to do. Is there a way to read stories and not feel human simultaneously? I dont want the calm that usually comes with someone believing in their goodness. I dont want it. Pls don't respond with compassion. I dont want to feel/experience compassion or kindness, from my end or from others to me, as these are human things. I only want a solid moral compass and advice if you have any. I am very sure you would promote my death happily if you knew what kind of monster I was, so believe me when I say I am not a human being and the equivalent of a nazi. If you feel as though I am manipulating you, point it out and I shall agree with you as long as the reason is not positive. Thank you.
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