Absolute dread

[DeathAddict]

Hey,

does anyone now the feeling of absolute dread?
I use the word dread because I don't know how to describe it otherwise.
It feels like how I would imagine it feels when you jump out of great height and start to regret it a split second before impact or like you're about to get mauled by a wild animal in its den all alone.
If you read Kafkas The Trail, you'll remember when Josef K was brought by two men to the stone quarry and got executed.
It reminds me of the same feeling that I got when I first read this scene.
I fear there is something bad about to happen to me and I don't know what, but I know I can't escape it.
Back in november I felt this feeling for the first time in my life and I was on my knees because I couldn't stand it, I went into my bathroom and just sat there in my shower in the dark.
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.
The days passed with me just anxiously waiting for something to happen.
Suicide seemed like the only solution that could have freed me from the feeling, but luckily I had nothing but a small dull kitchen knife at hand, which would have made a mess.
Then it went away, but the taste never left my mouth.
It made me get SSRIs and see a therapist, holy fuck.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Yes I can relate i have that feeling right now and I feel sick to my stomach and almost as if the walls are caving in on me... I don't have much time I think there may be a dark cloud over my head misery and dispair are closer than ever

 

[porfin1234]

I have been feeling this way a lot after crazy life changes. No clue what my future holds. I'm terrified.

 

[DeathAddict]

I hope both of you find a way to get rid of it.
It is something I wouldn't wish to my fiercest foe.

 

[waterbottleman]

I think I had a similar experience 7 months or so ago.

I was so depressed and felt so awful one day that I went into my walk-in closet, shut the door, turned off the lights, curled up into a ball and just held myself all day. That's literally what I spent the entire day doing, I felt so awful I just wanted to escape into total darkness and silence.

I still remember that day and how awful it was, and also I tried to make myself cry to ease the emotional pain but I couldn't. No matter how hard I try to make myself cry I just can't do it. Really sucks.

 

[imagineit]

Absolutely. I think some people mean different things when they talk about crippling depression but for me this is it. It brings a bodily feeling. Like, the core of your person is responding to the moment. The mind and body completely at odds with the moment. Dread is the word I always use because these things can be hard to describe. Most people can relate I think to the notion of sustained dread.