About Gratitude

[dust-in-the-wind]

I suffer from major depressive disorder and every therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist talks about gratitude. They want me to keep a journal and write all the things I am grateful for each day. They say this can change my brain chemistry and help my depression. Problem is I am not even grateful I was born so how can I be grateful for the simplest of things like waking up each day, breathing fresh air, sunsets ect. I can't feel gratitude for anything. I think mere existence is a hell scape. Even though my life is not bad I know the horror and suffering of the world others face.I have so much to be grateful for yet I don't feel it. I guess I am either selfish or too empathetic, maybe both. Thanks for letting me rant. Can anyone relate?? I just so sick of everyone telling me to have an attitude of gratitude. Easier said than done when you just want to be dead.

 

[evanescent_eva]

I saw the title of this thread and immediately wanted to SCREAM.

I've heard the same thing as you from just as many people and feel exactly the same way as you. I'm not grateful that I was born. And I'm not grateful for the least awful parts of being alive, because they are what's keeping me alive - for which I am utterly ungrateful.

It's entirely possible that being grateful can help some people, so hey, why not try it? But it makes me viscerally mad when anyone suggests it to me.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I saw the title of this thread and immediately wanted to SCREAM.

I've heard the same thing as you from just as many people and feel exactly the same way as you. I'm not grateful that I was born. And I'm not grateful for the least awful parts of being alive, because they are what's keeping me alive - for which I am utterly ungrateful.

It's entirely possible that being grateful can help some people, so hey, why not try it? But it makes me viscerally mad when anyone suggests it to me.

Very profound what you said about how the good things in your life keeping you alive when you don't want to be. I never thought of it that way.

I know what I should be grateful for but I don't know if faking it psychologically will help any. I can try I guess.

 

[Polyxo]

I experience this a little differently. For me, gratitude always transforms into regret. Because something always tells me I don't deserve the good place I'm in. And then I feel guilty for feeling this way. It must be some sort of chemical screw-up because I know that I have nothing real to complain about. It's all in my head but then again the voice inside is loud and so real to me. I feel like a privileged asshole.

Edit: not saying that you're a privileged asshole. Suffering is suffering and I'm so sorry you have to live through it. It's just me being mentally ill

 

[Apathy79]

I experience this a little differently. For me, gratitude always transforms into regret. Because something always tells me I don't deserve the good place I'm in. And then I feel guilty for feeling this way. It must be some sort of chemical screw-up because I know that I have nothing real to complain about. It's all in my head but then again the voice inside is loud and so real to me. I feel like a privileged asshole.

Edit: not saying that you're a privileged asshole. Suffering is suffering and I'm so sorry you have to live through it. It's just me being mentally ill

Yeah I'm like this too. I feel like I should be grateful for almost everything in my life, heck even being born a human, and in a relatively safe country, to decent enough parents, etc. The idea that I have something to complain about is really comical when viewed in totality. So if I have all these advantages, I need to give back at least commensurate with them don't I? And I haven't done that. That's the downside that I guess is supposed to be motivating.

 

[nobody_oac]

I experience this a little differently. For me, gratitude always transforms into regret. Because something always tells me I don't deserve the good place I'm in. And then I feel guilty for feeling this way. It must be some sort of chemical screw-up because I know that I have nothing real to complain about. It's all in my head but then again the voice inside is loud and so real to me. I feel like a privileged asshole.

Edit: not saying that you're a privileged asshole. Suffering is suffering and I'm so sorry you have to live through it. It's just me being mentally ill

It's similar for me as well. I usually start by telling myself I should be more grateful because others have it so much worse. Then I compare the two, to obviously make me feel worse about not being grateful. Then, I use that to somehow run it into one of my many other flaws or insecurities. A few more soul crushing things will usually come after that. Then randomly,

Rinse. Repeat.

 

[Nauyaca]

I don't know what your particular circumstance is, I can only tell you what I did.

First I ditched the therapy, they are nothing but money sucking leeches, just thinking about those "doctors" is revolting

Second, I radically changed my environment, quit my job and changed careers, this was by far the most difficult part, i could have tried something less dramatic but the point was to experience something different.

Third, i started jogging, it also changes brain chemistry.

Yes, i wish i was never born, but by now, even suicide would be an empty gesture, so i'm not grateful, there is nothing to be grateful for, but that thought, as crude and terrible as it is, was also liberating to me, my logic was, if i'm not grateful for anything, that also means i'm not attached to anything, up until now, that's how I've been coping.

I don't know if this will help, I just shared my experience, best of luck to you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I feel this too. I actually really resent being told to be grateful because- the same as you- I resent being born. Without that, none of these other things- either the bad or the good and the apparent need to be grateful for that good would need to exist. Why would I be grateful for anything I wished hadn't happened in the first place? That's a weird thing to ask.

It's like telling someone to climb a tall ladder, then when they fall off and break their leg, saying: 'Just be grateful you didn't break your neck.'

I also think it's sort of perverted/ sadistic in a way. Ultimately, it's about comparison- surely. I'm supposed to be grateful that my life isn't as bad as that poor person over there. That's sort of like gloating though- surely? That's a horrible attitude!

I also feel like there's this assumption that if we feel sorry for ourselves, we don't feel pity for others. That's nonsense- I can feel just as much pity for the person who has life so much worse than me but, still resent my life too. I can multi task!

Where I would agree is- some of the (seemingly) happier people I've known in life were/ are in fact, very grateful. That seems like a genuine gratitude though. When I'm in a happier state (very rarely,) I've been known to feel that love, warmth and gratitude and, it is a genuine feeling. But- for that to truly work, personally, I already need to be feeling happier. For me- feeling happier preceeds genuine gratitude- not the other way around.

People trying to push me to feel gratitude makes me think they are trying to guilt me into feeling selfish. Which then triggers me to feel resentful because again- I don't need to be here! It isn't my fault that I am. I believe it's much more selfish to bring a being into a situation where they can and do suffer and then, get shitty with them when they're unhappy about it! Rather than expressing how grateful they are to have that (unwanted, awful) opportunity.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Not depressive people feel gratitude for every day of life, they just want to celebrate each new day of living. So far your therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist are obviously not depressive, which clears up with an old prejudice. But they are definitely not able to see the world through your eyes and to give you adequate advice. I know, it is a shot in the dark, but maybe it is more helpful to do just the opposite of what people with opposite minds advise.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

The only thing I'm grateful for is that I have some means of escaping this nightmare called life and this evil world, like my rifle and shotgun

 

[prettyclam]

I have mdd too and have heard the same thing. What non-depressed people don't understand is that it has nothing to do with gratitude or thankfulness or whatever. Depression gets so bad that you want to end your life, so how are we supposed to be thankful for flowers and shit? Life is beautiful for some, but for those like us, that's not the case. But nooo we're the selfish ones for not being thankful for the life we never asked for

 

[Esc9434]

Maybe try to be thankful for the simple things in life?

You found a community full of nice people in similar situations as yourself in SS, right? You have a device that allows you to access this community and other places on the Internet? You have the free time to post on here daily? Etc.

Maybe it is a trick to get you to seek out other things if you keep writing the same things everyday?

Maybe it is low-key subscribing to the Buddhist proverb of "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."?

From LLM:

At its core, this principle teaches that enlightenment does not change the external world—it transforms one's **inner perspective**. Before enlightenment, daily tasks may feel mundane or burdensome. After enlightenment, those same tasks remain, but they are approached with **presence, acceptance, and harmony**.

This philosophy encourages finding **meaning in the ordinary**, embracing life's simple routines, and recognizing that true wisdom lies in **being fully present**—whether chopping wood, carrying water, or simply washing dishes.

I'm just guessing all this. Please don't bite my head off.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I also see existence as something so hellish and more than anything I just wish I never suffered in this cruel, torturous existence at all, I would never be grateful for being forced to suffer so unnecessarily especially as there were never any disadvantages to never suffering at all, to me existence is the problem, I see existence as the most terrible mistake, it's just so insensitive to me when they act like people should be grateful for this existence of unnecessary suffering that nobody even chose, I'll always see existence as an imposition, I suffer just from being burdened with this existence.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

I've found gratitude to be a slippery slope. To it it puts a person in the role of supplicant toward life and from there it's easy to slip into an apologetic orientation.

I much better align with the idea of appreciation and by that I mean "increase in value" or take efforts to maintain. Even though I'm depressed and I'm not grateful for my predicament, I appreciate my present level of heath enough to maintain it for example. In the case that I do ctb, I hope I appreciate my family enough to minimize trauma to them by finalizing my affairs and not leaving them to find my body by surprise.

In the therapeutic or intrapersonal context, I've found talking about how I really feel is met with rebuttals and the changing of subject so as to "be positive" or "not dwell on negativity". I don't think well adjusted people make gratitude lists though many with a disposition toward prayer do thanksgiving.

One thing that's documented is that many times a suicidal person will get happy a few days before the act when they've made their final decision. Maybe they're thankful that it will finally be over?

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Not depressive people feel gratitude for every day of life, they just want to celebrate each new day of living. So far your therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist are obviously not depressive, which clears up with an old prejudice. But they are definitely not able to see the world through your eyes and to give you adequate advice. I know, it is a shot in the dark, but maybe it is more helpful to do just the opposite of what people with opposite minds advise.

I'm told I need to see the world through a different lens. Ok like it's that simple like flipping a switch. Not !

Maybe try to be thankful for the simple things in life?

You found a community full of nice people in similar situations as yourself in SS, right? You have a device that allows you to access this community and other places on the Internet? You have the free time to post on here daily? Etc.

Maybe it is a trick to get you to seek out other things if you keep writing the same things everyday?

Maybe it is low-key subscribing to the Buddhist proverb of "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."?

From LLM:



I'm just guessing all this. Please don't bite my head off.

Thank you for this. I am also familiar with buddhism. I've read a lot of books on it to try to help my depression.

 

[bankai]

Oh boy. The therapists usually have a set of things that we can do to make us feel better or that can cure us.

Writing in a diary?That's nice. I think that makes sense, maybe for normal people. For people like us who are actively suicidal I'm not so sure.

 

[Crematoryy]

I suffer from major depressive disorder and every therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist talks about gratitude. They want me to keep a journal and write all the things I am grateful for each day. They say this can change my brain chemistry and help my depression. Problem is I am not even grateful I was born so how can I be grateful for the simplest of things like waking up each day, breathing fresh air, sunsets ect. I can't feel gratitude for anything. I think mere existence is a hell scape. Even though my life is not bad I know the horror and suffering of the world others face.I have so much to be grateful for yet I don't feel it. I guess I am either selfish or too empathetic, maybe both. Thanks for letting me rant. Can anyone relate?? I just so sick of everyone telling me to have an attitude of gratitude. Easier said than done when you just want to be dead.

I am boiling with anger, resentment, hatred, disgust. WHENEVER I FEEL SADNESS I FEED BACK MY REVOLT. My mind is being forged by the steel of hell. I feel a suicidal hatred that makes me want to blow everything up.

There is no gratitude, there is only disillusionment. My neurochemical system is flooded with the chemistry of depression.

 

[divinemistress36]

Worthless therapists. A good one understands that some depression cant be treated by just being "greatful". Fire that therapist

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

The only thing I'm grateful for is that I have some means of escaping this nightmare called life and this evil world, like my rifle and shotgun

i replied impulsively. after thinking about it . i'm not gratefull for anything in this hell i can't even hire someone to shoot me because they made that a crime. so it's not guaranteed and i have to take a risk and shoot myself and it's very difficult to shoot yourself . i wouldn't have to shoot myself or do any risky diy suicide method that might leave me even worse off if i hadn't been born. or at least they hadn't made every suicide method like hiring someone to help you suicide a crime. but the best thing would have been for them to never have imposed this nightmare on me. the best thing by far would be if i had never been born then i wouldn't even have to commit suicide nor have any problems .

i'd like to ask that therapist are you grateful to be under threat of suffering unending constant unbearable pain like we all are ? i 'm not .

i don't have to be grateful for anything . why do i have to be ? why do i have to live even another minute? i wonder what they would say?

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Worthless therapists. A good one understands that some depression cant be treated by just being "greatful". Fire that therapist

I swear every single one I see talk about this "Gratitude" BS.

i replied impulsively. after thinking about it . i'm not gratefull for anything in this hell i can't even hire someone to shoot me because they made that a crime. so it's not guaranteed and i have to take a risk and shoot myself and it's very difficult to shoot yourself . i wouldn't have to shoot myself or do any risky diy suicide method that might leave me even worse off if i hadn't been born. or at least they hadn't made every suicide method like hiring someone to help you suicide a crime. but the best thing would have been for them to never have imposed this nightmare on me. the best thing by far would be if i had never been born then i wouldn't even have to commit suicide nor have any problems .

i'd like to ask that therapist are you grateful to be under threast of suffering unedning constant unbearable pain like we all are ? i 'm not .

i don't have to be grateful for anything . why do i have to be ? why do i have to live even another minute? i wonder what they would say?

I like your questions and plan to ask my therapist what she has to say about this.

i replied impulsively. after thinking about it . i'm not gratefull for anything in this hell i can't even hire someone to shoot me because they made that a crime. so it's not guaranteed and i have to take a risk and shoot myself and it's very difficult to shoot yourself . i wouldn't have to shoot myself or do any risky diy suicide method that might leave me even worse off if i hadn't been born. or at least they hadn't made every suicide method like hiring someone to help you suicide a crime. but the best thing would have been for them to never have imposed this nightmare on me. the best thing by far would be if i had never been born then i wouldn't even have to commit suicide nor have any problems .

i'd like to ask that therapist are you grateful to be under threast of suffering unedning constant unbearable pain like we all are ? i 'm not .

i don't have to be grateful for anything . why do i have to be ? why do i have to live even another minute? i wonder what they would say?

I like your questions and plan to ask my therapist what she has to say about this.