Cauliflour
The masochist who doodles.
- Mar 24, 2025
- 681
My motive isn't the clearest and is a bit of shit writing that but in case anyone's confused: I love causing scars on myself, specifically on my lower arms. I used to do it at least once a week so that there's always a few scars at that red-ish healing stage but I lost the will to about 3 months ago and it just doesn't hit the same anymore...
Nobody really understands why I do it and they tend to think I'm stressed or something, but in reality I just like it. It's a nice feeling. Probably an autistic thing. Very satisfying watching scars heal day by day. They're all faint lines now. They don't even do the bumpy thing. I wish I could fuck up my arm like the people on Google images from venting forums.
Then again, I haven't been doing it consistently for all these years and tends to be in clusters of a few months on and off so maybe this is just the down time and the second I discover a new technique or get a sudden urge, it'll all be back. That's why I don't really use the terms "clean" as I'm not really clean; that would imply I decided to quit.
I wish people would stop treating it like it's a problem that needs to be fixed. They think they're helpful but they're not. Never met someone like me as all the other self harmers on various forums seem to have actual mental problems like depression and low self esteem and I'm just a wannabe ig. Not sexual though, the arms aren't sexy. Also that would imply I was into BDSM shit, which I'm not I think that's stuff's weird as hell to roleplay getting raped and rubs me the wrong way.
Anyways I'll shut up now. Can't focus on my actual drawings with that nagging y'know?
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