Discussion Would it be wrong of me if I wasted a bunch of my mom's money by taking my own life?

[human123]

I am planning on ending my life. i was originally planning to do it at the end of August, but don't know if i can wait that long. I'm thinking of possibly doing it sometime in May, but then I would be wasting a bunch of my mom's money. My mom spent thousands of dollars to take me to Disney this summer to celebrate me graduating high-school. the tickets are nonrefundable, even in the case of death, so if I do die before hand, my mom would lose all of that money. I feel like I would be an asshole to waist someone else's money like that.

also, for Easter my mom got me a Nintendo switch 2, which while I was really grateful and enjoyed it, the console is very expensive and I'm not sure if it would ever get used after my death, so I would be wasting my mom's money with that too. if I killed myself, would I be an asshole for wasting the money my mom spent on me for the upcoming trip and for the video game console? I dont want to waist anyone's money, but i just can't take it anymore.

 

[leoneliona]

I think a parent is ultimately going to be more concerned with mourning a child than "wasting money". Any decent parent is going to be more concerned with your life, which is priceless, than what they've spent on you.

 

[fadedghost]

I am planning on ending my life. i was originally planning to do it at the end of August, but don't know if i can wait that long. I'm thinking of possibly doing it sometime in May, but then I would be wasting a bunch of my mom's money. My mom spent thousands of dollars to take me to Disney this summer to celebrate me graduating high-school. the tickets are nonrefundable, even in the case of death, so if I do die before hand, my mom would lose all of that money. I feel like I would be an asshole to waist someone else's money like that.

also, for Easter my mom got me a Nintendo switch 2, which while I was really grateful and enjoyed it, the console is very expensive and I'm not sure if it would ever get used after my death, so I would be wasting my mom's money with that too. if I killed myself, would I be an asshole for wasting the money my mom spent on me for the upcoming trip and for the video game console? I dont want to waist anyone's money, but i just can't take it anymore.

You should at least go to Disneyland.

High school is sometimes terrible for people. Once you are 18, and an adult, it may get better or worse, but things will change a lot.

You should at least wait until 20. If it seems like completely unbearable to live, if you have insurance you should get therapy, and if you don't have insurance, a lot of schools have insurance and you can take the bare minimum of classes to just get insurance and take them pass/fail and only take subjects you like.

Some people do get better with SSRIs and psychiatry, but just be careful because if you share you are suicidal, there's a risk of involuntarily hospitalization, which is extremely traumatic sometimes and expensive. Just be aware that if you mention suicidal feelings at all, the risk of involuntarily hospitalization exists.

 

[Shiitake]

You should at least go to Disneyland.

High school is sometimes terrible for people. Once you are 18, and an adult, it may get better or worse, but things will change a lot.

You should at least wait until 20. If it seems like completely unbearable to live, if you have insurance you should get therapy, and if you don't have insurance, a lot of schools have insurance and you can take the bare minimum of classes to just get insurance and take them pass/fail and only take subjects you like.

Some people do get better with SSRIs and psychiatry, but just be careful because if you share you are suicidal, there's a risk of involuntarily hospitalization, which is extremely traumatic sometimes and expensive. Just be aware that if you mention suicidal feelings at all, the risk of involuntarily hospitalization exists.

things became way way better for me after 20's
i used to cry tears of hapiness how enjoyable my life became,
im so glad i survived highschool

 

[name2come]

I mean, if you are truly at a place where you feel you need to CTB, that's your decision to make and you aren't accountable for how other people feel about that. I hope you can find peace, in this life or beyond it, and I hope you can hold off, but you aren't accountable for me. You aren't accountable for your mom.

I will say that I think your mom would be a lot more concerned about losing you than losing some money for a trip. I completely get where you are coming from. Right now, I'm planning a trip that I think I won't be around for, and I'm steering things towards refundable reservations. And I know, if it comes to it, its my choice to make. I can't control how other people will feel. I need to let go of that. Its not always easy, but its something I try to remind myself.

It is okay to try to bargain with yourself a little, though. Think about if this trip is something you want to experience, even a little. Even if just to be with your mom. I'm at a point where I'm realizing I may be doing a lot of things for the last time, and sometimes they are nice. It may not change the direction I'm headed, but that's okay. Its okay for something to just be nice for what it is. If you think the trip might be nice for what it is, even if it won't stop you, maybe its something you can hold out for. But that's ultimately going to be your decision. I wish you luck.

 

[purebliss]

I am planning on ending my life. i was originally planning to do it at the end of August, but don't know if i can wait that long. I'm thinking of possibly doing it sometime in May, but then I would be wasting a bunch of my mom's money. My mom spent thousands of dollars to take me to Disney this summer to celebrate me graduating high-school. the tickets are nonrefundable, even in the case of death, so if I do die before hand, my mom would lose all of that money. I feel like I would be an asshole to waist someone else's money like that.

also, for Easter my mom got me a Nintendo switch 2, which while I was really grateful and enjoyed it, the console is very expensive and I'm not sure if it would ever get used after my death, so I would be wasting my mom's money with that too. if I killed myself, would I be an asshole for wasting the money my mom spent on me for the upcoming trip and for the video game console? I dont want to waist anyone's money, but i just can't take it anymore.

"Dead man has no worries"

It is completely up to you to decide what is the best course of action for yourself.
If it's too unbearable, then your choice is yours alone.

I am also only here because of my CTB partner and promising each other that we first try a couple of "funsies ;)" before we go

 

[human123]

You should at least go to Disneyland.

High school is sometimes terrible for people. Once you are 18, and an adult, it may get better or worse, but things will change a lot.

You should at least wait until 20. If it seems like completely unbearable to live, if you have insurance you should get therapy, and if you don't have insurance, a lot of schools have insurance and you can take the bare minimum of classes to just get insurance and take them pass/fail and only take subjects you like.

Some people do get better with SSRIs and psychiatry, but just be careful because if you share you are suicidal, there's a risk of involuntarily hospitalization, which is extremely traumatic sometimes and expensive. Just be aware that if you mention suicidal feelings at all, the risk of involuntarily hospitalization exists.

Im 18 now, I've been in therapy most of my life. I have been hospitalized 3 times in the past and it just made me worse.

"Dead man has no worries"

It is completely up to you to decide what is the best course of action for yourself.
If it's too unbearable, then your choice is yours alone.

I am also only here because of my CTB partner and promising each other that we first try a couple of "funsies ;)" before we go

Oh, does a partner make it more likely to succeed do you think?

 

[whatdoidonow]

While I don't know how to advise you, I wish I had the chance to put the effort to make my parents happy, just like you. I hate it that I keep becoming a burden to my family for just existing

 

[Matchaaa]

Personally, I think you should go to Disney this time and see how it goes. Maybe the ctb option will still be available later, and maybe you can spend this time with your mom. So you can decide after you've had a chance to enjoy yourself, but ultimately, it's up to you.

 

[collapsenik]

I think you should try going to disney first. We're already on this planet, gotta make the best of being spawned in here.

 

[m3nhera]

I am planning on ending my life. i was originally planning to do it at the end of August, but don't know if i can wait that long. I'm thinking of possibly doing it sometime in May, but then I would be wasting a bunch of my mom's money. My mom spent thousands of dollars to take me to Disney this summer to celebrate me graduating high-school. the tickets are nonrefundable, even in the case of death, so if I do die before hand, my mom would lose all of that money. I feel like I would be an asshole to waist someone else's money like that.

also, for Easter my mom got me a Nintendo switch 2, which while I was really grateful and enjoyed it, the console is very expensive and I'm not sure if it would ever get used after my death, so I would be wasting my mom's money with that too. if I killed myself, would I be an asshole for wasting the money my mom spent on me for the upcoming trip and for the video game console? I dont want to waist anyone's money, but i just can't take it anymore.

WAIT OUR SITUATIONS ARE KINDA SIMILAR I was also thinking about August so I can graduate high school first and all, but like you said it's hard to wait so long. And then there's a bunch of other stuff that makes you feel bad for leaving(especially monetary). You're not an asshole regardless, I know why you'd feel that way but pain doesn't care whether your mom spent money, or whether you're going on a trip or about your Nintendo switch. If it was physical pain I don't think people would consider someone an asshole for leaving despite it all, or at least less people would, because society unfortunately doesn't think mental pain is as serious. For some reason this post makes me really sad to read even though you're a stranger, but it's crazy because there's always someone else in the world going through similar things. And the thought of you dying so early makes me really sad. This isn't about me but I just wanted you to know.

 

[human123]

WAIT OUR SITUATIONS ARE KINDA SIMILAR I was also thinking about August so I can graduate high school first and all, but like you said it's hard to wait so long. And then there's a bunch of other stuff that makes you feel bad for leaving(especially monetary). You're not an asshole regardless, I know why you'd feel that way but pain doesn't care whether your mom spent money, or whether you're going on a trip or about your Nintendo switch. If it was physical pain I don't think people would consider someone an asshole for leaving despite it all, or at least less people would, because society unfortunately doesn't think mental pain is as serious. For some reason this post makes me really sad to read even though you're a stranger, but it's crazy because there's always someone else in the world going through similar things. And the thought of you dying so early makes me really sad. This isn't about me but I just wanted you to know.

Im sorry your going through the same thing. I too feel sad about the idea of anyone dieing so early, and that includes you. but i sympathize with you, as I feel the same. I hope you get better or at least find peace. I dont think I can last till August and was considering ctbing in May, but I would feel guilty for wasting my mom's money. also my mom's birthday is in May. there is only 3 days in May that I would be alone long enough to die, and then i wouldn't get another opertunity where I would be guaranteed not to be caught till im in college.

 

[m3nhera]

Im sorry your going through the same thing. I too feel sad about the idea of anyone dieing so early, and that includes you. but i sympathize with you, as I feel the same. I hope you get better or at least find peace. I dont think I can last till August and was considering ctbing in May, but I would feel guilty for wasting my mom's money. also my mom's birthday is in May. there is only 3 days in May that I would be alone long enough to die, and then i wouldn't get another opertunity where I would be guaranteed not to be caught till im in college.

Hey you don't have to listen to me, and not to sound like a pro-lifer but something just compels me to tell you: don't do it. I have a feeling that if you stay things will get better even though everyone says that bullshit but I'm serious, I just have a really bad feeling about you dying now, like it's not your time. Please consider what I said. Have you ever gotten help before? Also, I heavily relate to the opportunity thing. Your mom sounds nice(unless she isn't). If you don't mind me asking, why are you suicidal? As someone who was abused for years I have a habit of assuming whenever a teenager is suicidal they probably have somewhat bad parents too unless stated otherwise, even though anyone can be suicidal, parents contribute to it SO MUCH that there's just a huge correlation. Sort of like how, in general anyone can develop mental illness regardless of how good their life is, and it's just as valid, however people with shitty lives are statistically more likely to become mentally ill.

 

[marcelmarceau]

It sounds like your mom really loves you. She spends money on you because she cares and wants you to be happy, not because it is a price she has to pay to keep you around. If she lost you, she would never think of those tickets again. She will never consider a dime spent on you as a waste. That is to say, likely money will lose all meaning for her.

 

[human123]

Hey you don't have to listen to me, and not to sound like a pro-lifer but something just compels me to tell you: don't do it. I have a feeling that if you stay things will get better even though everyone says that bullshit but I'm serious, I just have a really bad feeling about you dying now, like it's not your time. Please consider what I said. Have you ever gotten help before? Also, I heavily relate to the opportunity thing. Your mom sounds nice(unless she isn't). If you don't mind me asking, why are you suicidal? As someone who was abused for years I have a habit of assuming whenever a teenager is suicidal they probably have somewhat bad parents too unless stated otherwise, even though anyone can be suicidal, parents contribute to it SO MUCH that there's just a huge correlation. Sort of like how, in general anyone can develop mental illness regardless of how good their life is, and it's just as valid, however people with shitty lives are statistically more likely to become mentally ill.

Hey you don't have to listen to me, and not to sound like a pro-lifer but something just compels me to tell you: don't do it. I have a feeling that if you stay things will get better even though everyone says that bullshit but I'm serious, I just have a really bad feeling about you dying now, like it's not your time. Please consider what I said. Have you ever gotten help before? Also, I heavily relate to the opportunity thing. Your mom sounds nice(unless she isn't). If you don't mind me asking, why are you suicidal? As someone who was abused for years I have a habit of assuming whenever a teenager is suicidal they probably have somewhat bad parents too unless stated otherwise, even though anyone can be suicidal, parents contribute to it SO MUCH that there's just a huge correlation. Sort of like how, in general anyone can develop mental illness regardless of how good their life is, and it's just as valid, however people with shitty lives are statistically more likely to become mentally ill.

Thread 'My story'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-story.236940/

I wrote about my past here and why im suicidal. and I've tried everything to get better, meds, therapy, support group, institutions, I tried everything

 

[TooMuchHasHappened]

I feel a great sadness when I read that someone as young as yourself wants to end their life, no matter what the reasons are. I realise that your reasons for wanting to do so are subjective, and it is you that feels the hurt that these reasons are causing you, but it's still sad to me. I do not have the right to say to you, or anybody else, that your reasons are not valid enough to CTB, because we all feel and cope with trauma differently, so that would be very ignorant and insensitive of me.

I'm in my early 40's and have had many accidents, injuries and 15 surgeries, from a very active and adrenaline junkie lifestyle (for lack of a better description). This has left me in chronic pain 24/7 (for 9 years now) and unable to work or exercise anymore (things I lived for). There is no hope of me having any sort of a life that is meaningful to me. These circumstances have created a myriad of other problems and challenges (including mental ones) for me and unfortunately for me nothing can be done, and there's no possibility of my situation improving, in fact it's only going to get worse. I feel so uncomfortable in my own body and I hate that.

Out of all of the many issues I deal with, chronic pain is probably the worst, because even when I don't move, it's still horrible. I have two different types of pain, pain from all the injuries and surgeries etc, and whole body neurological pain, of which can get so bad that it literally feels like I've been set on fire. The latter kind of pain develops in some people who've been through far too much physical and psychological trauma (in case you're wondering), it's often referred to as psychosomatic. This kind of pain can be torturous, and I'm sure anyone else experiencing the same would agree. Those are some of the reasons that I am going to CTB, more than enough in my opinion.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I hope that you'll think again, and I guess a part of me hopes that by sharing my story with yourself and others, that you may think that things aren't really bad enough to end your life. And I'm sure your mom would thank me for trying with you. Also, I'm sure you're a lovely person and would be dearly missed by everyone who knows you. I know you've said you've tried everything, but if there's any chance, no matter how small, that you could have some sort of a meaningful life sometime in the future, then please stick around for a little while longer and see how things go. Ultimately it's your decision, as it is mine and everybody else's, because it's us who has to suffer, and if we can't carry on with that suffering anymore and with our lives, then I completely understand and respect everybody's decisions.

I wish you all the very best and I'm thinking of you from across the pond

 

[ilovenewyork]

If you think she will even consider the money lost then you simply don't understand what you mean to her.

You're young, fresh out of highschool and depressed. A lot of people have been there but the good news is that in the next few years life can become awesome, unrecognizable. Don't miss that

 

[m3nhera]

Thread 'My story'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-story.236940/

I wrote about my past here and why im suicidal. and I've tried everything to get better, meds, therapy, support group, institutions, I tried everything

Your story is very sad, I'm sorry you went through those things. You were so young too. My mental health also got really bad in 6th grade. I feel like we'd really understand each other. Also this is how I find out you're a girl too(unless you're not and that's just the sex you were born with, in which case I'm sorry. No pronouns in bio so that's all I have to go off of).

things became way way better for me after 20's
i used to cry tears of hapiness how enjoyable my life became,
im so glad i survived highschool

This makes me happy to hear but then why are you on a suicide forum?

 

[human123]

It sounds like your mom really loves you. She spends money on you because she cares and wants you to be happy, not because it is a price she has to pay to keep you around. If she lost you, she would never think of those tickets again. She will never consider a dime spent on you as a waste. That is to say, likely money will lose all meaning for her.

You really think that?

 

[human123]

I feel a great sadness when I read that someone as young as yourself wants to end their life, no matter what the reasons are. I realise that your reasons for wanting to do so are subjective, and it is you that feels the hurt that these reasons are causing you, but it's still sad to me. I do not have the right to say to you, or anybody else, that your reasons are not valid enough to CTB, because we all feel and cope with trauma differently, so that would be very ignorant and insensitive of me.

I'm in my early 40's and have had many accidents, injuries and 15 surgeries, from a very active and adrenaline junkie lifestyle (for lack of a better description). This has left me in chronic pain 24/7 (for 9 years now) and unable to work or exercise anymore (things I lived for). There is no hope of me having any sort of a life that is meaningful to me. These circumstances have created a myriad of other problems and challenges (including mental ones) for me and unfortunately for me nothing can be done, and there's no possibility of my situation improving, in fact it's only going to get worse. I feel so uncomfortable in my own body and I hate that.

Out of all of the many issues I deal with, chronic pain is probably the worst, because even when I don't move, it's still horrible. I have two different types of pain, pain from all the injuries and surgeries etc, and whole body neurological pain, of which can get so bad that it literally feels like I've been set on fire. The latter kind of pain develops in some people who've been through far too much physical and psychological trauma (in case you're wondering), it's often referred to as psychosomatic. This kind of pain can be torturous, and I'm sure anyone else experiencing the same would agree. Those are some of the reasons that I am going to CTB, more than enough in my opinion.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I hope that you'll think again, and I guess a part of me hopes that by sharing my story with yourself and others, that you may think that things aren't really bad enough to end your life. And I'm sure your mom would thank me for trying with you. Also, I'm sure you're a lovely person and would be dearly missed by everyone who knows you. I know you've said you've tried everything, but if there's any chance, no matter how small, that you could have some sort of a meaningful life sometime in the future, then please stick around for a little while longer and see how things go. Ultimately it's your decision, as it is mine and everybody else's, because it's us who has to suffer, and if we can't carry on with that suffering anymore and with our lives, then I completely understand and respect everybody's decisions.

I wish you all the very best and I'm thinking of you from across the pond

Im so sorry you had to go through all that. I couldn't imagine that much pain. Hearing your story saddens me that you had to live with all that chronic pain for so long. You are very strong for staying for so long. I hope you find peace.

 

[Hg5fd]

I'm so sorry you want to end your life by suicide. First of all, believe me, your mother definitely won't regret the money she spent on you, because it's nothing compared to life. I want to die too. Sad thoughts constantly creep into my head. But the only thing that stops me is the knowledge that I could ruin my family's life with this act.
My only advice is to wait and hope that things will change for the better, or see a psychologist/psychiatrist.

P.S. English is not my native language. I apologize for any mistakes.

 

[human123]

I'm so sorry you want to end your life by suicide. First of all, believe me, your mother definitely won't regret the money she spent on you, because it's nothing compared to life. I want to die too. Sad thoughts constantly creep into my head. But the only thing that stops me is the knowledge that I could ruin my family's life with this act.
My only advice is to wait and hope that things will change for the better, or see a psychologist/psychiatrist.

P.S. English is not my native language. I apologize for any mistakes.

Im seeing my psychologist today but I dont tell her that im feeling this way. I have been actively trying to get better for 7 years