Discussion Would/ is being appreciated by others enough to make you want to live?

[Forever Sleep]

Is that maybe how we decide whether we are a more selfless or selfish person? I'd say I was fairly well appreciated by family, friends, employers etc. They're not actually around to express it the majority of the time but they are appreciative when we are in touch. So, I suppose I live with the knowledge that I am needed to a reasonable extent.

I'm not sure that makes life easier though. It's a not entirely a warm feeling. Part of it is a tethered annoyance- we need you so- don't go anywhere. You can't do what you want entirely- if it means it will affect us.

I think I have become a pretty selfish person though. Maybe that's why having people who to some extent are attached to and to some extent appreciate me doesn't do much to keep me here in a positive way. Sometimes it's more in an emotional blackmail way. Maybe a mix though. It would be worse in some ways if they weren't there or, we fell out.

What are your thoughts?

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Sometimes I feel like these types of threads are made for me

Okay, okay, all jokes aside, here's my Narcissist's Perspective


I genuinely think that being shallowly appreciated by many would keep me alive temporarily. But only temporarily. Because eventually the shallowness becomes too obvious.

In my experience, only being shallowly appreciated leads to reckless dopamine-seeking behavior, and—like you said—a bit of annoyance that they care just enough where now you're being tethered to your one-dimensional life, but only just. Shallow bonds are nothing like family, or love. Which is why I hate how I tend to form such shallow bonds so quickly, but get too scared to commit to allowing the bond to further. I want someone to appreciate my soul, flaws and everything. Not just "me." I don't know know who "me" is, honestly. Sometimes it feels like I'm known in name only.

So I guess, no, being appreciated wouldn't help me live. I think I'd rather me deeply loved and cherished by a group of people who I trust completely, than to have many, many people appreciate me. And that's hard to say for me, I think.

Currently my "love/cherish" group is too small and my "trust completely" group is even smaller, so it's not working very well. Especially since I wonder if things are more one-sided in regards to some people I cherish.

And I do crave fame. But I've realized that fame just overwhelms me if it gets too large for my liking. Sure, being known by others might get me appreciation, but I think I care more about creating art/doing something that will tangibly make a mark. Maybe not on history, but on someone's life—like so many people's art made on mine.

People's appreciation can deplete with time. Art and tangible change is timeless, even when it becomes part of history, or simply a memory.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometimes I feel like these types of threads are made for me

Okay, okay, all jokes aside, here's my Narcissist's Perspective


I genuinely think that being shallowly appreciated by many would keep me alive temporarily. But only temporarily. Because eventually the shallowness becomes too obvious.

In my experience, only being shallowly appreciated leads to reckless dopamine-seeking behavior, and—like you said—a bit of annoyance that they care just enough where now you're being tethered to your one-dimensional life, but only just. Shallow bonds are nothing like family, or love. Which is why I hate how I tend to form such shallow bonds so quickly, but get too scared to commit to allowing the bond to further. I want someone to appreciate my soul, flaws and everything. Not just "me." I don't know know who "me" is, honestly. Sometimes it feels like I'm known in name only.

So I guess, no, being appreciated wouldn't help me live. I think I'd rather me deeply loved and cherished by a group of people who I trust completely, than to have many, many people appreciate me. And that's hard to say for me, I think.

Currently my "love/cherish" group is too small and my "trust completely" group is even smaller, so it's not working very well. Especially since I wonder if things are more one-sided in regards to some people I cherish.

And I do crave fame. But I've realized that fame just overwhelms me if it gets too large for my liking. Sure, being known by others might get me appreciation, but I think I care more about creating art/doing something that will tangibly make a mark. Maybe not on history, but on someone's life—like so many people's art made on mine.

People's appreciation can deplete with time. Art and tangible change is timeless, even when it becomes part of history, or simply a memory.

Yes- that makes sense. That only deeper connections would feel worth it. I suppose that's my other issue though- with life generally. I've had those deep connections and lost them. The person has died, moved away, found a partner and formed that bond with them instead, been too closed off to bond with to begin with etc. I came to the conclusion a few years back that the risk of loss intrinsic to all close connections was too great to risk again.

So for me, things are surface level more because people moved on one way or another. I'm not so much one for fair weather friends. It's nice to have achievements admired or, to have someone appreciate a job (reasonably) well done but then, my feelings towards work have also become more lack lustre.

I suppose it's just the feeling of being jaded really. That relationships are too risky to rely on and achievements aren't always worth the effort. I'm partly bored with how pessimistic I am myself! But then, also too lazy to address that.

 

[dhk96]

I'm too dead today for a long response so I apologize. My short/ultimate answer is no because being appreciated wouldn't fix anything for me or alleviate much. It'd be nice but my main goal is to avoid any and all pain. And my pain comes from living and having to experience anything, whether that's something negative or positive. I don't want my existence to have meaning for others or for others to find a reason for my existence when I hate my existence entirely.