Discussion are you aromantic, asexual, or aro-ace?

[dreamofnofuture]

I myself am aro-ace and generally uninterested in relationships and the like. Not because I'm not curious about them, but because I don't find the majority of people to be good partners. An even smaller percentage are decent ones but don't have the same values as me. I am a bit sex-repulsed as well.

Since the A-spec is more complex than people believe (it's not just "Oh, I don't feel any sexual or romantic feelings at all!" for the majority of aro-ace people. This influences how the expression, intensity, and frequency of romantic or sexual attraction; it doesn't turn the dials all the way down for anybody.), I'm wondering what it's like for the rest of you???

How has this influenced any relationships you've been in or your decision not to be? Are you just aromantic, just asexual, or both? If you are one or the other, what makes you say that and how do you experience allosexuality or alloromanticism? When did you figure out that you were asexual, aromantic, or both? Are you autistic, as many of us experience personal attraction differently?

Would you prefer a conventional romantic relationship or something queerplatonic?

I think I'd like something queerplatonic. It's like a committed friendship with romantic and sexual elements agreed upon by both people, and if I have some attraction for a person, it's usually queerplatonic feelings: not fully platonic, but not really romantic or sexual either. It's something else entirely and I'm not even sure how to parse through it. I don't have that drive to pursue either like allosexuals. It just is what it is for me.

What are some opinions about things in this community? For instance, I think demisexuality (the need to have feelings for someone in order to have sex with them or to have sexual attraction for them), while a valid sexuality marker, isn't asexuality. It can be for someone who's already asexual, as in someone who's frequency and intensity of sexual attraction is low. In isolation, though, I don't think it's enough to call A-spec or be considered A-spec, because many allosexuals need to have feelings for someone/an established relationship based on romantic feelings with someone in order to have sex with them or have noticeable sexual attraction for them. That's not something uniquely asexual??? And if it takes romantic feeling to have sexual attraction to somebody, if the intensity and frequency of this sexual attraction to other people isn't low, then are you even asexual or just have standards? Idk, but that was just an example on opinions you may have about the community or what the A-spec is.​

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not really sure what my sexuality is. It's more like I have normal desires in terms of fantasy. Although in reality- I would likely feel too uncomfortable to engage in anything. Uncoincidentally- all my crushes have likely been unrequited limerence. Even when there were small chances of them being more- I ran away.

Mostly because I'm repulsed by how I look. So- I find the idea of me engaging in anything sexual repulsive and embarassing- in reality anyway. I suppose in truth too- I'm not attracted by either genitalia.

I think my attitudes were initially formed by being raised with very prudish values. But then, I was never really a typical woman either.

I am mostly demisexual I suppose. I don't tend to sexually desire people I feel no connection to. Even if that connection is more imaginary! I agree with you though- being demisexual surely doesn't make someone asexual. It just means they need certain things to feel that way.

 

[darksouls]

asex but not aro

 

[dreamofnofuture]

asex but not aro

What's it like for you to be asex? And if I may ask, are you not aro because you experience conventional romantic feeling, or is it because you experience romantic feelings at all that you don't consider yourself to be aro??? Just trying to understand as someone who is aro-ace. It's hard to wrap my brain around just being asexual.​

I'm not really sure what my sexuality is. It's more like I have normal desires in terms of fantasy. Although in reality- I would likely feel too uncomfortable to engage in anything. Uncoincidentally- all my crushes have likely been unrequited limerence. Even when there were small chances of them being more- I ran away.

Mostly because I'm repulsed by how I look. So- I find the idea of me engaging in anything sexual repulsive and embarassing- in reality anyway. I suppose in truth too- I'm not attracted by either genitalia.

I think my attitudes were initially formed by being raised with very prudish values. But then, I was never really a typical woman either.

I am mostly demisexual I suppose. I don't tend to sexually desire people I feel no connection to. Even if that connection is more imaginary! I agree with you though- being demisexual surely doesn't make someone asexual. It just means they need certain things to feel that way.

I've had aesthetic attraction to certain people and have had sorta kinda crushes on celebrities where I find them extremely, personally aesthetically appealing.

Sometimes I'll create little scenarios in my head. They didn't have to involve relationships, but sometimes they do as a subplot. I like the tension part, it's interesting. So I get the part where it's in theory/fantasy. Also, creative types do this sorta daydreaming and scenario-creation in their heads.

In practice/reality, I just don't get anything really. Or it's like little sparks of something I can't define here and there because of what a specific person says or does, but not because of the person.

What was your unrequited limerence like? Was for someone IRL? And what were those prudish values that were pushed on you? Could they have influenced that limerence?​

 

[darksouls]

What's it like for you to be asex? And if I may ask, are you not aro because you experience conventional romantic feeling, or is it because you experience romantic feelings at all that you don't consider yourself to be aro??? Just trying to understand as someone who is aro-ace. It's hard to wrap my brain around just being asexual.​

the biggest problem for me is that men cannot accept a romantic relationship without sex,
but I think even if I were " normal " ,
I would still be unhappy in a relationship,
my ex-boyfriends treated me like garbage,
and that has nothing to do with the fact that I have no interest in sex

 

[LigottiIsRight]

Ace here. I've experienced romantic attraction in numerous occasions towards men and women, but that was never accompanied by the desire to have sex with them.
I've had sex in the past, and although I enjoyed it, I could live the rest of my life without it and never miss it.

 

[FoolsExpedition]

i'm not completely sure but i'm in some kind of grey area between asexual and allosexual and sometimes it kinda swings further towards or away from one direction. there was a long period of time was well where i liked sex from a sort of third person perspective? i kind of imagined me but not really me… like a character version of myself to place into these scenarios. but the real deal would make me uncomfortable. not sure if that has a word for it or not.
i'm possibly demisexual? i'm panromantic though i've been starting to question that as of late.
i've had both regular relationships and queerplatonic relationships in the past and both suited me fine.

 

[darksouls]

are you not aro because you experience conventional romantic feeling, or is it because you experience romantic feelings at all that you don't consider yourself to be aro???​

I get along better with animals because animals are gentle and sensitive beings and humans are not,
I am not aro,
because I have lived in harmonious and loving relationships with my pets

 

[Pluto]

 

[bodiless]

My problem is that I want a relationship with all the normal stuff like hugging kissing and going to the park but I'm asexual and extremely sex repulsed, like I'm not exaggerating when I say I feel the same disgust toward porn and female genitals than toward a gore video.

My opinion on asexuality is that it is a normal phase except we're stuck in it. Maybe it's copium but I feel like my disgust toward sex is shared by all of the kids

a kid disgusted by a sex video is not called "asexual" he is called normal. Then he will turn 15 and he will magicaly start to feel excited instead of disgusted by the exact same video.

So instead of viewing my asexuality as a normal sexual orientation I prefer considering that something in my brain is taking more time to develop than the others.

I'm 19 so maybe, in the next few years, if I'm still alive, I will experience my disgust toward sex magically disappearing like it did to everyone else

 

[3spiral]

I'm confused about being aromantic because I feel like I feel attraction more rarely than other people, but also I'm not exactly sure how much do they feel or what is romantic attraction so I could not be

I've felt things for other people before, but they are usually spikes of short term attraction or they are a really strong feeling of admiration and wanting for that person to be happy but at the same time in a really unattached way

for some reason I never really missed people, so it's like I admire you and I deeply wish you to have a great life and would take part of the responsibility for that but I also wouldn't mind if you didn't want me in your life because I care more about your wellness then your closeness. like, even if we never saw each other ever again, while other people seem to struggle to deal with rejections and break ups

I just don't miss people in my life but still care about them idk

 

[K14~♡]

if it takes romantic feeling to have sexual attraction to somebody, if the intensity and frequency of this sexual attraction to other people isn't low, then are you even asexual or just have standards?

I'm not sure if I count in any way cuz the only sexual attraction I've ever felt in my life was only towards my 2nd ex...For other people, even the ones I had romantic feelings for, I didn't feel any sexual attraction at all

with romantic and sexual elements agreed upon by both people

I think this should be the ideal too, I find it sorta strange otherwise. Like every relationship is different, can't we customize it ourselves and be loving partners no matter how we are?

 

[coolcow1289]

I think we gotta chill with the coming up with names for everything lmao. We can have relationship preferences without torturing poor Merriam Webster

 

[Lamentice]

I think we gotta chill with the coming up with names for everything lmao. We can have relationship preferences without torturing poor Merriam Webster

I'm always so baffled by takes like this.. like what do you mean "We gotta stop expanding language", as if that's not the antithesis to linguistics.