Workshop Your Suicide Note

[EmotionlessWanderer]

Bloody hell writing this out on paper is tough asf. I can feel my eyes getting watery just by a tad.

 

[Apostle]

My first draft, which has been seen on this site, basically boiled down to, "It's not your fault, it's mine, I'm sorry, I love you" over the course of several paragraphs. As I keep working on it, I'll probably put the newer version up on this thread. I want to keep that same general message, but my note does need work. I feel it should be a bit more straightforward, and if at all possible, less bitter.

 

[Bandzbandz]

This is mine.
"To everybody, this was my decision and mine alone. I've decided that I was going to take my own life late June 2018.

To mom, it was your fault you kept me from the most beautiful thing of my life. You need to learn to let go and let people be. Please don't cry when you learn about my death because you have no right to cry. You caused this and I hope you get over yourself and your judgement because you're not better than anyone else. Do NOT play victim. Just because you ended up with a child for a husband does not mean that I needed to as well. Please do not give anybody else relationship advice before fixing your own problems. You are not a good person. Nobody is. Suck it up and get over it and do more for Y. Stop meddling in O's life.

To dad, please grow up and stop being a child. Much of what happened as of late was influenced by how you raised me that caused me major confidence issues. Mom needs you, and so do the boys.

To O, I'm sorry bro. I know this will affect your life forever but please remember... I had all the money in the world and I still did this.

To I, I'm so sorry. You were the light of my life and always will be. The love I feel for you is deeper than any universe could hold. I know you're going to make it. And when you make it, please look after your mom and k. They deserve it.

To S and L I'm sorry. I couldn't handle the pain. I love you guys."

 

[No_more]

In my suicide note, I would put how I want my ashes to be sprinkled somewhere nice and that I don't want a funeral, because I hate funerals.

 

[Soul]

Here's my note to my sister. I am going to send her a delayed email.

-------------

If you are reading this, I am dead.

First, I would like to thank you and the rest of the family for caring so much for me. None of you are at fault. I needed to do this for myself. My health was deteriorating and I wanted to meet death on my own terms.

How did I die? I ingested 3 bottles of Nembutal. My death was painless.

Now, some housekeeping is in order.

Regarding my Body:
My body is in the silver Ford Focus I used to drive near the house. Try to find it before it decays too much. I should be in a diaper to prevent fluids from leaking onto the car.
Once you've called the police, call 800-417-3747. This is the number for Science Care. They will take my whole body and sell useful parts of it to scientific organizations. Included in this service is free transportation of the body and cremation. Mamá and Papá won't have to pay a dime.
If Science Care doesn't accept me, try MedCure: 1-866-560-2525.

Regarding my Work:
In my hard drives is all the art that I have made. If you receive requests to print copies of my art, you can find all the pieces on there. Use the highest quality pieces. Please note that you need a MacBook to access the hard drives. I have left my MacBook behind. Go to your local computer dealer and tell him to reformat the computer to have a fresh computer. * can keep a copy of her portrait. I should also be receiving copies of my work through the mail. If you must, donate my pieces to the Nasher Museum of Art or the Cameron Art Museum.

Regarding my Stuff:
You or ** can keep my books. There are very valuable and rare books in my collection so try not to just give them away. You can keep my computer, my iPhone, and the money in my *** account. I have left some undeveloped photo film on my bed. Develop the photos when you can.

Again, thank you for being my sister. I will forever cherish our time together. See you on the other side when the time is right.

Excellent note, and thank you for posting the numbers for Science Care and Medcure. Those should be stickied for people who don't want to generate expenses.

 

[Monster]

To everyone replying they won't write a note or don't need editing, okay but there have been several threads where people ask for help, this is exactly for them. More replies saying you don't need this are unnecessary.

 

[barny]

I was thinking about how to write letters and the links under resources were broken. yes I agree I dont really have anyone to leave a note for, except I wanted to leave one for my doctor as shes been nice to me in the past.
However I dont want to write some sort of usual waffle, like im so sorry I couldn't go on. I want it to be different, and more meaningful, but dont know how. if I cant then I probably wont bother.
I started to think maybe a poem?

 

[sadbunny]

I was going to make my own thread but I guess this one's relevant

My suicide note is short, feels a little generic but it's what I've literally been going through for the past 2 years.

I won't write what it says here because it's personal, I only want my family members to have that last piece of me.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Ok, so this is a rough draft I wrote in 30 minutes and contains whatever random thoughts I could write. I will probably re-write it a few times but first I'd like some criticism of it just to be sure I'm not starting it incorrectly already. Sorry if the paragraphing is all wrong. I just can't learn how to use paragraphs correctly. It's also a bit long too.

Draft of my note:
(Introduction and legal matters) If you're reading this, I'm dead. I've ingested a lethal dose of sodium nitrite and, despite what my appearance may suggest, I died peacefully and quickly. The medications on my bedside were taken with it but just to reduce discomfort. I'm not sure if that is a possibility, but in case authorities want to do an autopsy of my body or start an investigation this note should be enough to prevent those unnecessary things from happening.

(Disclaimer) Ok, so, firstly I'd like to make it clear that nobody has influenced or pushed me into killing myself. This choice was my choice and all responsibility of it is mine. Nobody is to blame for my suicide. My mind at the moment I had taken my own life was clear and sound despite my communication and memory problems, and I believe my decision was as rational as possible. Nobody could have prevented me from doing that. Please don't blame the internet or the people selling sodium nitrite for my death. If I couldn't use sodium nitrite I'd always find another, probably painful way to kill myself, and even if it weren't for the internet I'm sure I'd still be suicidal. Believe it or not I'm not so easily influenced.

(Reasons) I won't explain my reasons for killing myself in detail as that would take more time than I have and would be pointless, but in summary I've become unable to tolerate living what I believe to be a meaningless, pain filled and unsatisfying life forced upon me without my consent. My belief on that was based on years of study of philosophy, and with time I've made the conclusion that I wouldn't ever be able to enjoy life knowing the truth about this existence. Other people would've just ignored the hard truths of life, but I'm not one of them. I could never enjoy living in ignorance as much as I can't enjoy living knowing that life is a cruel joke. I'm not expecting anyone to ever understand that, but just respect it, and to not attribute my suicide to just a case of stupidity, impulsivity or depression. I am not a kid anymore. Death was the only I could have peace, and I was aware there's no way back.

(The "I don't really mean it but I'm trying to be polite" part) I apologize for the inconvenience of my death and the impact it may have on everyone, and for being when I was alive, in your own words, intolerable. I admit that I may have been a little harsh sometimes, especially with my brother. I hope you can understand that since years ago I could barely stand living, and we're always too much different and could never agree with each other so that was a recipe for disaster. I'd like to reiterate, though, that my decision was NOT influenced by any other person, and that includes you all. I could have had the perfect family and things would still have ended the same way.

(Final wishes and considerations) I know that you all are angry and sad at me for doing this, but please, if you can find the strenght to forgive me for killing myself, I'd appreciate a lot if I was cremated instead of buried. I have mentioned already that I believe that burial is a primitive practice and cemeteries take up a lot of space. I'd understand if you are unable to do it or don't want to do it, though, as the nearest crematory is in another city kilometers away. I'd also appreciate if the cause of my death was kept a secret from everyone not living in the same house as us, even my father. I ask for this because knowing the rest of the family I'm sure that my memory will not be respected by them, and also because I don't want my godmother to learn about it. No more people need to suffer unnecessarily.
I think that's all. Goodbye for all eternity.
Signed: *insert my ugly real life name here* 13/10/19(my chosen ctb date)

So, what do you guys think about it? More specifically in grammar and writing terms, is it decent enough? Is there anything I could add or remove from it? Thanks in advance for any (constructive) criticism.

 

[SimpleLivingThing]

(first of all, sorry if it's poor ettiquette to respond to old threads like this)

i just finished my first draft of my note and i kind of wanted to get an outside opinion on it, be they grammar/style suggestions or things that i should include, or any other tips really. the draft (with some personal info removed for safety) is below:

There's nothing that I can say here that will prevent those close to me from feeling guilty. No amount of "it's not your fault" will ever convince you that's true; you will always think of some sign you should have caught, some moment you should have done something different, something that, had you done it, would keep me here. I guess that's the hardest part. There's no way for me to do this without hurting the people I love; conversely, I can't just live my life for other people, especially when other people don't seem to see that I'm doing so.

It's hard to explain my reasoning without feeling like I'm guilt tripping everyone in my life, so let me just say this: you're allowed to grieve. You are allowed to be upset and guilty and angry, those are all natural responses to something like this. But don't grieve forever. Treat this like any other kind of death; give yourself a moment to process, but don't be afraid to move on. And at this point, I feel the need to say that I am fully aware that it sounds immensely self-centered to assume that anyone wouldn't be able to move on, that all of this is redundant. But I digress.

There are two main reasons why I'm doing this. The first is simply the state of the world and our politics. There have been so many problems that I can't even list them all. I think that the genocide in Palestine and the way that our government has enabled it was the first of many issues that just built up until I was left completely hopeless and disillusioned. There has also been countless indications of the US's backsliding into fascism, which is its own thing. The quality of life in the US, particularly for queer people, women, and people of color has plummeted. And I'm tired. And the US isn't the only place where this downward spiral is found, although it's certainly the most high profile. Because of the systematic way that society is structured, there are issues that are present no matter where I go, and as such, there's no way for me to escape. And because these issues ("Imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy," to steal a phrase from bell hooks) are so deeply ingrained in our lives, I don't see it changing any time soon. And I'm sick of waiting for life to improve.

The second reason is the more personal one. I am alone. I don't just feel alone, I actually am alone. And people will say "but there are so many people who love and care for you, so many people who want to support you!" But if you take a look at my life, you'll see that's not really true, or at least not in any meaningful way. I think that there are 2 main categories of love: love out of obligation, and love for its own sake. And if I take inventory of everyone close to me, I can't find one person that loves me just because they love me, and if there are any, they haven't showed it in a long time. I can't remember the last time someone invited me to do something or to hang out. For as long as I can remember, it's been me that reaches out. And I'm tired of being the only one to reach out. And again, I don't mean this as an accusation, but it is an observation that is important to understanding why I did it.

And this exacerbates the effects of reason #1; the world is a clusterfuck, and I have no one to turn to to make it bearable. As far as I'm concerned, this is the logical conclusion. The meaning of life is other people, so a life without other people is meaningless. When an animal has poor quality of life, you put them down. This is hardly any different.

[logistics, bank details, passwords, etc]

[people who should know that probably won't read the note itself]

I don't know how to end this. I want to give you something profound to hold onto, but there is no beauty in my suffering. My pain isn't artful, it's just pain. And now it's over. It's finally over. So this is goodbye.