Wishing for catastrophe..

[CravingPeace]

Now that I have everything I need to CTB, I've found myself in a state of limbo, where things aren't explicitly terrible, yet I am not enjoying any of my days. Every day is just a grind to get back in bed. But I'm not in crisis, I just don't have any purpose for living anymore.

I feel like I can't just CTB without some sort of triggering event. Although I know I'm going to do it eventually. It's like I'm endlessly postponing the inevitable and suffering in the mean time.

Is it weird that I WANT something bad to happen to me to push me to the edge?

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Now that I have everything I need to CTB, I've found myself in a state of limbo, where things aren't explicitly terrible, yet I am not enjoying any of my days. Every day is just a grind to get back in bed. But I'm not in crisis, I just don't have any purpose for living anymore.

I feel like I can't just CTB without some sort of triggering event. Although I know I'm going to do it eventually. It's like I'm endlessly postponing the inevitable and suffering in the mean time.

I feel exactly the same. Part of me keeps hoping my ex will come back, but it's just not happening, the more time passes the more it all fades away even if I don't want to and it all just leaves me...empty. Not in crisis, I'm not shaking and constantly paranoid everyday, but I just don't want to be here. This is not the life I wanted.

 

[Big_Eal]

Same here , is what i call a detonate , i had two before but without any CTB process ready , now i have it , im just waiting for the window of time at home , tbh im tired of it

 

[Crow_88]

Every day is just a grind to get back in bed.

Is it weird that I WANT something bad to happen to me to push me to the edge?

That first line perfectly sums this up. And I don't think it is weird. I think many here are like that. Just trying to find that final push to get them where they want to go.

 

[CravingPeace]

I feel exactly the same. Part of me keeps hoping my ex will come back, but it's just not happening, the more time passes the more it all fades away even if I don't want to and it all just leaves me...empty. Not in crisis, I'm not shaking and constantly paranoid everyday, but I just don't want to be here. This is not the life I wanted.

"This is not the life I wanted". Absolutely.