Will this work?

[galaticgrizzly]

I have decided to end my life. It is not an impulsive decision.
I have tried the "typical" methods before.
I am waiting until Tuesday, because that's when I have my physical and I want everything to be normal there. Also, it gives me time to think through it.
I am going to use the bathroom then put dirt in the toilet, and inject 50 ml of it under my skin. The plan is to cause cellulitis and left untreated, this will spread into my blood, rendering me in septic shock.
I have done this with antibacterial cleaner before, but it resulted in tissue death, not infection.
I have a pretty strong immune system.
Will this amount produce a severe enough infection that can't be fought off?
Thanks.

 

[Flippy]

I honestly couldn't say, I've never heard of anyone trying such a method. It sounds like it would be very painful. Are you sure it's the best way for you?

 

[galaticgrizzly]

I honestly couldn't say, I've never heard of anyone trying such a method. It sounds like it would be very painful. Are you sure it's the best way for you?

I have tried overdosing, antifreeze, cutting, hanging, and starving/ dehydrating. Nothing else but this seems to have any potential to work

 

[issyishere]

i'm sorry if this sounds mean but i just wanted to chime in and say this seems like a really bad idea. you could get a bacterial infection and be found and get one of your limbs amputated due to infection. you could cause yourself to become blind or even cause brain damage. there are too many risk factors for this to be viable. if you're serious about ctb there are some resources here to help such as the wiki and megathreads

 

[mesohappy]

I don't think this ones gonna work for you either,bud..How did you do antifreeze? Drink it?

 

[Flippy]

I have tried overdosing, antifreeze, cutting, hanging, and starving/ dehydrating. Nothing else but this seems to have any potential to work

That all sounds pretty tough, I can't really promote a method to you but there are lots of threads with detailed information in them. I don't think you should proceed with your plan for inducing septic shock. It might leave you in a worse state than you are already in!

 

[galaticgrizzly]

i'm sorry if this sounds mean but i just wanted to chime in and say this seems like a really bad idea. you could get a bacterial infection and be found and get one of your limbs amputated due to infection. you could cause yourself to become blind or even cause brain damage. there are too many risk factors for this to be viable. if you're serious about ctb there are some resources here to help such as the wiki and megathreads

No, it's not mean. I know that I could get a bacterial infection, that's the point. I will let it spread into my blood, which will eventually kill me. I have tried many other ways, and I can't think of anything else. Plus this will be a slow painful death that I really do deserve.

I don't think this ones gonna work for you either,bud..How did you do antifreeze? Drink it?

yeah I drank a cup it was the most disgusting thing ever

That all sounds pretty tough, I can't really promote a method to you but there are lots of threads with detailed information in them. I don't think you should proceed with your plan for inducing septic shock. It might leave you in a worse state than you are already in!

Even if I survive, it will be really painful and I deserve that.

 

[issyishere]

No, it's not mean. I know that I could get a bacterial infection, that's the point. I will let it spread into my blood, which will eventually kill me. I have tried many other ways, and I can't think of anything else. Plus this will be a slow painful death that I really do deserve.

don't be so hard on yourself man nobody ever deserves that. no matter how much of a bad person you think you are. What i was trying to get across is since you don't know what bacteria is getting into you, it could just cause a few bad outcomes such as blindness, brain damage, amputation etc but not kill you. i'm sorry you're in such a dark place right now.

 

[mesohappy]

What were the effects of drinking the cup of antifreeze,besides the taste? (If you don't mind me asking)

 

[galaticgrizzly]

don't be so hard on yourself man nobody ever deserves that. no matter how much of a bad person you think you are. What i was trying to get across is since you don't know what bacteria is getting into you, it could just cause a few bad outcomes such as blindness, brain damage, amputation etc but not kill you. i'm sorry you're in such a dark place right now.

Most likely, it will be staph, this is found in the soil. It may cause those things, you're right, but I'm hoping that untreated those will lead to death.

 

[Egddios]

If you have the means and materials to inject yourself, are you able to access H or F?

A thought when reading your method was: instead of dirt, I'd pour in a cup of the murky water that collects in a garbage or trash bin. I imagine it would be awful, but more effective than just dirt. Please take into note, I have ZERO experience with self injection, and am no expert on cellulitis.

Either way, an interesting method if successful. Seems it'd be a painful and drawn out though. Hence why I asked if H or F were possible to attain.

 

[galaticgrizzly]

What were the effects of drinking the cup of antifreeze,besides the taste? (If you don't mind me asking)

I got methanol poisoning and was admitted to the ICU for dialysis because my levels were so high

 

[k75]

Im sorry, but this just sounds absurd.

If you do it, I hope you have a lot of heavy painkillers on hand, because you'll need them.

I doubt you'll make it far enough to get the infection you're after. Painful is an understatement. My son had cellulitis a few times. The worst, he hid from me until it was pretty bad, but he was forced to finally show me because of the pain.

You're more likely to lose a limb than die, though.

 

[Lorntroubles]

I see you are new here. Just relax a little and have fun exploring the threads. There's plenty of answers and even things you might not have considered here.

 

[galaticgrizzly]

If you have the means and materials to inject yourself, are you able to access H or F?

A thought when reading your method was: instead of dirt, I'd pour in a cup of the murky water that collects in a garbage or trash bin. I imagine it would be awful, but more effective than just dirt. Please take into note, I have ZERO experience with self injection, and am no expert on cellulitis.

Either way, an interesting method if successful. Seems it'd be a painful and drawn out though. Hence why I asked if H or F were possible to attain.

I'm sorry, I'm new here. What are H and F

Im sorry, but this just sounds absurd.

If you do it, I hope you have a lot of heave painkillers on hand, because you'll need them.

I doubt you'll make it far enough to get the infection you're after. Painful is an understatement. My son had cellulitis a few times. The worst, he hid from me until it was pretty bad, but he was forced to finally show me because of the pain.

You're more likely to lose a limb than die, though.

lol It IS absurd, I know, but nothing else has worked. I've injected stuff before and am familiar with the extreme level of pain caused by cellulitis. I have a very high pain tolerance.

I see you are new here. Just relax a little and have fun exploring the threads. There's plenty of answers and even things you might not have considered here.

I don't want to wait.

 

[Flippy]

It sounds like you are going through sheer hell right now! If you are considering this so seriously and almost like a punishment. I'm sure you don't deserve to be punished like that. Do you want to talk a little about how you got to this point?

 

[galaticgrizzly]

It sounds like you are going through sheer hell right now! If you are considering this so seriously and almost like a punishment. I'm sure you don't deserve to be punished like that. Do you want to talk a little about how you got to this point?

I was raped and it was my fault and I don't deserve to live because I am a fat selfish pig like my parents say

 

[k75]

I'm sorry, I'm new here. What are H and F

lol It IS absurd, I know, but nothing else has worked. I've injected stuff before and am familiar with the extreme level of pain caused by cellulitis. I have a very high pain tolerance.

I don't want to wait.

Heroin, fentanyl.

He has a high pain tolerance, too, but he was ready to chop off his own leg rather than endure that pain anymore. He waited so long to show me out of embarrassment.

Have you looked into the resources here? Maybe SN? Points for creative thinking, but we have proven methods.

 

[Egddios]

I'm sorry, I'm new here. What are H and F

lol It IS absurd, I know, but nothing else has worked. I've injected stuff before and am familiar with the extreme level of pain caused by cellulitis. I have a very high pain tolerance.

I don't want to wait.

H = heroin, F = Fentanyl

I'd say most of us if not all have reached that point of IT HAS TO BE NOW, and cannot wait. I've had a few failed attempts, and it sucks to "survive". As another person commented, I encourage you to read through the resources and method threads here.

It's difficult to hang on/in, but this forum is here for you.

 

[Flippy]

I'm sure it wasn't your fault at all! Have you called the police about this?

 

[Lorntroubles]

@galacticgrizzly all I'm saying is there's a few ways to ctb that will be more likely to finalize your life than what you are doing. A lot of failed attempts are due to impulsivity. Besides, you can end up worse than you are now and you never know how much pain you can ensure until it happens to you and you want the pain to stop so bad but the pain won't cease. Just consider my advice. Or not. My two cents.

 

[k75]

I was raped and it was my fault and I don't deserve to live because I am a fat selfish pig like my parents say

This breaks my heart. There is no way any of what you're feeling about yourself is even remotely true. I'm sorry you're hurting, but you don't deserve this.

 

[galaticgrizzly]

Heroin, fentanyl.

He has a high pain tolerance, too, but he was ready to chop off his own leg rather than endure that pain anymore. He waited so long to show me out of embarrassment.

Have you looked into the resources here? Maybe SN? Points for creative thinking, but we have proven methods.

Unfortunately, I don't have a way of getting it.

 

[Flippy]

It's really horrible what you have gone through. Has this just happened? It's definitely not your fault whatever anyone says!

 

[Egddios]

I was raped and it was my fault and I don't deserve to live because I am a fat selfish pig like my parents say

It was not your fault. I thought the same when I was raped and instead of telling anyone, I bottled it up and it ate me alive until I attempted to hang myself. It sounds like your parents aren't the best support, and may be exacerbating your feelings of self hatred and self blame. You've been through a traumatic event, I'm hoping you can somehow find it in yourself to at least know and accept it was not your fault.

 

[galaticgrizzly]

H = heroin, F = Fentanyl

I'd say most of us if not all have reached that point of IT HAS TO BE NOW, and cannot wait. I've had a few failed attempts, and it sucks to "survive". As another person commented, I encourage you to read through the resources and method threads here.

It's difficult to hang on/in, but this forum is here for you.

I'm just ready.

It's really horrible what you have gone through. Has this just happened? It's definitely not your fault whatever anyone says!

It happened freshman year of high school

It was not your fault. I thought the same when I was raped and instead of telling anyone, I bottled it up and it ate me alive until I attempted to hang myself. It sounds like your parents aren't the best support, and may be exacerbating your feelings of self hatred and self blame. You've been through a traumatic event, I'm hoping you can somehow find it in yourself to at least know and accept it was not your fault.

❤

it was though

@galacticgrizzly all I'm saying is there's a few ways to ctb that will be more likely to finalize your life than what you are doing. A lot of failed attempts are due to impulsivity. Besides, you can end up worse than you are now and you never know how much pain you can ensure until it happens to you and you want the pain to stop so bad but the pain won't cease. Just consider my advice. Or not. My two cents.

I don't consider this to be implusive

I'm sure it wasn't your fault at all! Have you called the police about this?

no

 

[Flippy]

Have you tried talking to a counselor who specialises in this sort of thing? I can understand that you may be reluctant to report it to the police. If you have had to deal with it on your own it must be incredibly difficult. :-(

 

[k75]

Rape is never the victim's fault. Someone inflicted their will on you and hurt you very badly. You didn't ask for it, or it wouldn't be rape and you wouldn't be upset about it.

You didn't cause it, but I understand feeling like you did. I was raped, and I thought because I was high that it was my fault. I got pregnant as a result, and I took that as my punishment for being an awful person. But none of that was true.

What you really need is help and support. I wish there was something I could do.

 

[galaticgrizzly]

Have you tried talking to a counselor who specialises in this sort of thing? I can understand that you may be reluctant to report it to the police. If you have had to deal with it on your own it must be incredibly difficult. :-(

I have a therapist but I'm not honest with her because I don't trust her

Rape is never the victim's fault. Someone inflicted their will on you and hurt you very badly. You didn't ask for it, or it wouldn't be rape and you wouldn't be upset about it.

You didn't cause it, but I understand feeling like you did. I was raped, and I thought because I was high that it was my fault. I got pregnant as a result, and I took that as my punishment for being an awful person. But none of that was true.

What you really need is help and support. I wish there was something I could do.

I have done other things that make me undeserving of life

 

[k75]

I have a therapist but I'm not honest with her because I don't trust her

I have done other things that make me undeserving of life

Have you ever tried finding another? You have to trust your therapist for it to ever help. Don't be afraid to switch and keep trying until you find someone you do trust.