Help Why’re you still here?

[nailcat]

because I can't bear to cause such hurt to my children...and i really worry about what kind of life they would have without me

 

[stellabelle]

If you're decided on suicide why're you still here?

Spinning wheels
Couldn't figure out an exit
Figured out an exit
Must attain exit

 

[Sensei]

Is there any particular rush?

Well put.

 

[Halo13]

My last two attempts failed so I'm replanning. Every time I think I've succeeded, I wake up alone or in the hospital with tubes everywhere. It's awful knowing I can't even die right. It's a mix of SI, fear of failure/psych ward again and needing to try a different method next time.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Letters to finish
Debts to clear
and my youngest daughter

 

[jrums]

My mother. Put I won't hold out forever. I have my SN and domperidone ready to go

 

[daffo]

still here not for family connection (my mother and my father means nothing to me). i don't have girlfriend or wife. i'm still here because i'm too much scared to fail with SN, and exit bag is very difficult to retrieve and organize. once, in the past, i thought "i will remain because someday, sometime, i will find someone that will chose me and only me, someone able to love me the way i am and no other man."
such a silly statement, now the only thing that makes me wait is the fear of failure on dying. so fucking pitiful.

 

[Soul]

I'm not quite sick enough yet.
I love my cats.
The Rolling Stones may release a new studio album.

 

[Thereisnothing]

I have no method yet and am very scared anyway of what might happen. I did attempt last week and didn't get very far.

 

[deltahead]

Because I am a fucking idiot.

 

[TAW122]

I've probably answered this before, so I'll refer to my post here. Also, currently waiting for the right time and finishing up some things (on my own volition) before I decide to go.

 

[arainynight]

I'm not in a hurry and I want things done right.

 

[262653]

Trying to quit life cold-turkey was met with severe resistance so far. I don't think this barrier can be breached at once without the aid of intense distressful emotions. Some proposed a workaround, to develop habits that would alleviate or eliminate the influence of forces which oppose suicide, which in turn would also require the executive power of emotions... I guess it's not my time yet.

I'm avid video gamer who's getting new PC soon, and with it lots of new video games to try, so I'm also not in a hurry, even though I've acquired all supplies I was looking for.

 

[Woodnote]

I don't want to abandon my dogs. They're what's keeping me here.

 

[Lady black]

I don´t want to be alone, when I die

 

[oxymoron]

because I can't bear to cause such hurt to my children...and i really worry about what kind of life they would have without me

Hmm. But are our lives worth living anymore?

 

[antony14562]

I don't know if I'm fully sold on suicide yet.
I don't want to keep living this endless daily cycle of feeling no enjoyment, knowing it'll never get any better, but death scares me.
I also reconnected with a friend a month ago, and she is in a pretty bad place right now. I feel like my suicide would break her. She has an amazing set of friends, so I'm sure she'll get over it in a few months but I don't want to inflict that pain on her. If she hadn't reached out a month ago, I probably would have ended it by now.

 

[WhyamIstillhere]

It's just hard to do logistically, there are a lot of things I'd want to take care of before doing it, and they're things I'd only be doing if I was sure I am truly going for it (e.g. wiping hard drives, sending some things out). If I don't really do it, I just wasted a lot of time, and committing to it is really fucking hard.

 

[Epsilon0]

I am still here because after my first attempt I realized I wasn't ready to go through with it. Being on this forum has taught me an invaluable lessons: CTB should not be rushed; it should be properly planned and only carried out when I am sure beyond any doubt.

 

[Xebsora29]

If you're decided on suicide why're you still here?

To be honest, its because of my family. I don't want to bring them down. Do I have a purpose for living? I'm not sure. All I know, is that everyday is a day worth trying just to make my family happy. Not for me, but for them. Suicide is something I desire, yet won't approach until I feel that I'm satisfied leaving my family.

 

[Sadddd]

Guilt of what it would do to my gf, mum and sister
Shame at them having to sort out funeral etc
Some weird hope that my life will turn around (unlikely)
Squeamish at the best of times, terrified of heights, no guns in the uk

 

[animatriste]

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm only afraid of not giving me the right time. I am afraid of hurting the people who fought for me and who love me. I know I would leave an immense pain and a huge void. I try to strive every day and find happiness in small things. Ever since my wife left me, I've been afraid of all relationships. I have isolated myself and I cannot open myself to the world. But I'm waiting with the company to find the N in powder form. Then, at that point, I will decide when it will be my moment. I tell you not to be in a hurry. CTB's decision is for ever. Thank you all for being there. Don't leave me alone. I love you and thank you for existing and being understood

 

[Lastsauce]

My elderly parents.
Dad is not doing too well but mom will most likely live for a long while still and there is no way I can make it for years.
I haven't even bought a gas cylinder so the temptation doesn't get too strong.

 

[Paula]

I'm still here because I didn't find yet a method that is effective and painless. I don't want to suffer when I'm dying. I'm not afraid os dying, but I don't want to suffer and I want it to be a hundred percent effective.

 

[Vertigo]

I'm just waiting for an opportunity at this point, I refuse to CB by anything other than the charcoal method so it might take awhile

 

[George81]

I feel sad about leaving my poor dad on his own. We lost my mom very nearly a year ago and there's now only me and my sister left to help my dad and my sister lives miles away so really it's only me. He's very self sufficient and can cope alone but he misses that human contact and talking about his day in general and just some company as I visit him most evenings after work and phone him when I can't. Also I feel bad for leaving my friend who is alone thanks to me (long story) and the guilt is killing me. It's best for my friend that I'm not here and it's best for my dad to never know the shame I've brought to him with my behaviour. Before this all happened I wanted to kill myself because of depression but now I have real genuine reasons which aren't all in my mind. Living a double life is exhausting and I can't do it anymore. Much love to you all

 

[strawberrypug]

Family. I know my friends would be sad too but they'd be able to move on.

 

[waterbottleman]

I have to wait until October.
Me and my husband are going to 2 events, one music festival in June and seeing Jimmy Carr in October.
He won't get the chance to do them again after I die, so I'm sticking around so he can enjoy these last 2 events.

You're a good wife =)

As for me OP,

I'm a lazy fuck who needs to do some errands before I ctb however my depression has caused me to have so little energy and motivation that I end up spending most of my day lying on my bed.

Although slowly day by day I'm doing a little bit and getting closer to finishing everything I need to ctb.

 

[ComingClose]

My OH is overseas making his 3 yearly visit to his homeland and I feel guilty about wanting to end it while he's away because it'll spoil his holiday. I mean, seriously, wtf is wrong with me? He's away for a month...temps of around 37 degrees, and I'm in the Uk, working 7 days a week and I feel guilty!!

 

[SardonicSatire]

I'm planning sometime this month but I've been trying to ctb for almost a year now and I always chicken out at the last minute. I don't really have any reason not to, my dysfunctional friends and family pretty much abandoned me so I give no fucks how they react. I've gained alot of weight, dropped out of school, and I'm addicted to drugs. I don't know why I'm still here all I know is that I don't want to be.