R32
Member
- Sep 20, 2019
- 5
Because I know it would destroy my moms life. So I just move on... day for day. Hating every second.
Hennessy
Specialist
- Jan 14, 2019
- 360
So far I have made no attempts. I actually feel a little better now, so currently I am postponing any plans to ctb. But I know the darkness will return. Then I will be ready I hope. But I do struggle with the suvival instinct. Meanwhile I just try to cope as best as I can.
LegaliseIt!
Elementalist
- Nov 29, 2019
- 808
porfin1234
Arcanist
- Dec 26, 2019
- 476
I'd miss ya! Who else would be there to tell me to "relax"
Goofty
I don’t know anymore to be honest.
- Feb 1, 2020
- 7
Three reasons for me
1) My own fear of dying
2) My parents and family
3) My ex, I don't want her to think that she's the reason and I know no matter what I tell her in a note or letter she would blame herself.
1) My own fear of dying
2) My parents and family
3) My ex, I don't want her to think that she's the reason and I know no matter what I tell her in a note or letter she would blame herself.
I did try already and failed 3 times. Scared the 4th time I will be in a worse situation or cripped.
Despondent
Archangel
- Dec 20, 2019
- 6,777
Inferdan
Meeting the first minor relapse after recovery
- Nov 3, 2019
- 450
There are people who will be hurt by my departure. I suffer so that they can be happy. Currently, though, I'm faltering, and am indecisive on what I truly want now.
notjustyetagain
- Oct 28, 2019
- 169
i still have effective antidepressants (opiates) to take, which let me "function" enough to get out of bed. once they run out, nothing can stop me. i'll be devastating the lives of my parents and brothers, my two cats, and possibly an old friend. i'll be forcing my brother to move house. i have things to square away: my cats, finances, selling what i can, cleaning my room -- let alone the house -- from top to bottom... but i know i'll never be able to do these things in my current mental and physical state. i can't even eat properly; living on bread and water because they're barely easy enough to prepare.
does a bad person have the right to end themselves even if they don't deserve to? the hard fact is that my death will cause more suffering than it will alleviate. my suicide will be selfish, unlike so many others'. i deserve my pain, but the people i'll hurt don't deserve the pain i'll cause them. ironic, isn't it? -- i can't live with that.
does a bad person have the right to end themselves even if they don't deserve to? the hard fact is that my death will cause more suffering than it will alleviate. my suicide will be selfish, unlike so many others'. i deserve my pain, but the people i'll hurt don't deserve the pain i'll cause them. ironic, isn't it? -- i can't live with that.
BPD Barbie
Visionary
- Dec 1, 2019
- 2,361
I wish I had an answer, not really even sure myself.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
I donno, i have no way to do it. Tried sn bit my mom found the package when it was delivered. Hanging is the only way but have no real way to execute it
justsuicidal
Member
- Nov 27, 2019
- 12
ladolcemorte
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 286
A few things. I failed my last attempt. (Someone physically stopped me from jumping off a bridge)
I have been reading a lot about SN because I am worried that the bridge jump will fail again. I have reduced mobility and now walk with a cane (unrelated to suicide attempts) and I am afraid I won't be able to climb over the railing this time.
I have my meto but am crawling through my country's statutes and regulations so that I am sure I am not breaking the law in trying to get SN.
Having said all of this, I think I am partly making excuses. When I went to the bridge before I felt this sense of urgency...a proverbial "fire in my belly". I needed to go to the bridge right then and there. I had to take a flight and I booked it within 3 hours of take off. I knew there was a chance I might fail, but I was willing to take that risk. I had this compulsion...almost like a magnet was pulling me to the bridge and then up and over the railing.
Since then, I just have not felt that level of urgency. I still want to die. I still believe I can't make a life worth living out of what I have left. But I don't feel the suicide magnet the way I did that day, and I think that is why I have not acted since. It's like that song "you've lost that lovin' feeling"....I've lost that "urgent suicid-y feeling". I am assuming it will come back at some point but who knows.
I have been reading a lot about SN because I am worried that the bridge jump will fail again. I have reduced mobility and now walk with a cane (unrelated to suicide attempts) and I am afraid I won't be able to climb over the railing this time.
I have my meto but am crawling through my country's statutes and regulations so that I am sure I am not breaking the law in trying to get SN.
Having said all of this, I think I am partly making excuses. When I went to the bridge before I felt this sense of urgency...a proverbial "fire in my belly". I needed to go to the bridge right then and there. I had to take a flight and I booked it within 3 hours of take off. I knew there was a chance I might fail, but I was willing to take that risk. I had this compulsion...almost like a magnet was pulling me to the bridge and then up and over the railing.
Since then, I just have not felt that level of urgency. I still want to die. I still believe I can't make a life worth living out of what I have left. But I don't feel the suicide magnet the way I did that day, and I think that is why I have not acted since. It's like that song "you've lost that lovin' feeling"....I've lost that "urgent suicid-y feeling". I am assuming it will come back at some point but who knows.
Broken Chimera
The abyss also gazes into you
- May 27, 2019
- 972
I have something I have to do before I can ctb. Once that's done I can go with no regrets.
Sha70
Student
- Jul 22, 2018
- 103
Children... I have my oldest is 23 and youngest is 17. Waiting for my youngest to graduate and be on his own.
Broken Chimera
The abyss also gazes into you
- May 27, 2019
- 972
Rather not say. But it's something I shouldn't even have to deal with in the first place.
I'm here because I want to do the research to make sure I get it right this time.
Got denied disability, just sent them the letter of contestation, waiting for it, preparing to take them to court for incompetence and if it fails i ll just kill myself. I am so done with tis life, 29 years filled to the brim with abuse, despair and pain. I can't hope anymore since i got fucked for everytime. Am currently relapsing in the deepest pit of depression, losing my head again on the top being homeless.i ll wait 2 month for their reply and will kill myself.
My parents, and I'm not 100% certain I've seen the last of my possible good days.
yami9292
a sleepy loner
- Feb 20, 2019
- 34
It's much harder then I thought to and risky. All because you want to and try to does not mean you will be successful. You might end in a worse situation. Some of us have tried trust me. Some of us aren't still here by choice
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ImSorryEmma
Skylar
- Mar 28, 2019
- 107
1. I failed/could not go through
2. My loved ones, one of them is suicidal too
3. Thin hope
I am in pain every day though. It's so hard.
2. My loved ones, one of them is suicidal too
3. Thin hope
I am in pain every day though. It's so hard.
Amber1974
Student
- Dec 9, 2018
- 147
oxymoron
Arcanist
- Jul 18, 2019
- 439
avoid_slow_death
Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
- Feb 4, 2020
- 1,235
Holding on to the shaky hope that what I am going through will be over in a couple years.
