U
Unspoken7612
Specialist
- Jul 14, 2024
- 360
When someone here expresses that they plan on imminent suicide, one of the most common responses is "I hope you find peace" or similar.
There are a number of reasons why I think that, although this is usually well-intentioned, it is a harmful response.
1) It softly pushes someone away.
Look, we don't want to be a cult, but one of the things that suicidal people are most often lacking is connection. Saying "I hope you find peace" doesn't provide that. Instead, try saying things like, "I hear what you're saying", "sounds like you're in a lot of pain", "I went through something similar so I know what you're going through", "my friend had something similar happen to them", "there are support networks for that", "we're here for you." Make people feel connection to others. Try to convey compassion and understanding without encouraging suicide.
2) It encourages suicide.
"I hope you find peace" implies that suicide is a means to achieve peace, and peace is generally considered a good thing. This site takes a radical pro-choice position, but, as I understand it, is very keen not to actively encourage suicide. Linking death and peace serves to make suicide more attractive. To be clear, you have the right to view death as peaceful if you like, but encouraging others to view it that way, or reinforcing such a view, is irresponsible. It is up to the individual to decide whether suicide is right for them, and it is very important for everyone to avoid feeding other people's hopelessness or destructiveness.
3) It makes assumptions about the individual's motives and beliefs.
This is unavoidable to an extent, but it can be alienating to people. I don't, personally, think my death will be peaceful: I think I will be obliterated. There will be no peace, because there will be nothing at all. We've had users here who were convinced they were going to Hell. I would personally try and comfort such a person, but saying "I hope you find peace" doesn't meet them where they are. Others want to commit suicide because they are experiencing psychosis and delusionally think they have to kill themselves. People's reasons for committing suicide are varied, and often aren't about "finding peace".
/r/SuicideWatch put together a guide to avoiding and spotting accidental incitement, which specifically picks out "I hope you find peace" as an unhelpful phrase": https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
It's very hard to know what to say when discussing suicide, so we're all probably going to get it wrong sometimes, but I think this community's default habit of saying "I hope you find peace" is, in my view, suboptimal.
There are a number of reasons why I think that, although this is usually well-intentioned, it is a harmful response.
1) It softly pushes someone away.
Look, we don't want to be a cult, but one of the things that suicidal people are most often lacking is connection. Saying "I hope you find peace" doesn't provide that. Instead, try saying things like, "I hear what you're saying", "sounds like you're in a lot of pain", "I went through something similar so I know what you're going through", "my friend had something similar happen to them", "there are support networks for that", "we're here for you." Make people feel connection to others. Try to convey compassion and understanding without encouraging suicide.
2) It encourages suicide.
"I hope you find peace" implies that suicide is a means to achieve peace, and peace is generally considered a good thing. This site takes a radical pro-choice position, but, as I understand it, is very keen not to actively encourage suicide. Linking death and peace serves to make suicide more attractive. To be clear, you have the right to view death as peaceful if you like, but encouraging others to view it that way, or reinforcing such a view, is irresponsible. It is up to the individual to decide whether suicide is right for them, and it is very important for everyone to avoid feeding other people's hopelessness or destructiveness.
3) It makes assumptions about the individual's motives and beliefs.
This is unavoidable to an extent, but it can be alienating to people. I don't, personally, think my death will be peaceful: I think I will be obliterated. There will be no peace, because there will be nothing at all. We've had users here who were convinced they were going to Hell. I would personally try and comfort such a person, but saying "I hope you find peace" doesn't meet them where they are. Others want to commit suicide because they are experiencing psychosis and delusionally think they have to kill themselves. People's reasons for committing suicide are varied, and often aren't about "finding peace".
/r/SuicideWatch put together a guide to avoiding and spotting accidental incitement, which specifically picks out "I hope you find peace" as an unhelpful phrase": https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
It's very hard to know what to say when discussing suicide, so we're all probably going to get it wrong sometimes, but I think this community's default habit of saying "I hope you find peace" is, in my view, suboptimal.