Venting Why is it so hard to take a shower?

[ILiveAlone]

Today I showered for the first time in a couple of weeks. I know. I know. It's gross. I won't go into too much detail.

I don't know why I'm so neglectful of my hygiene. Genuinely. I tend to flip-flop between struggles. If I consistently brush my teeth, I'll go days/weeks without showering. If I consistently shower, I'll go months without brushing my teeth. I can't do both.
I'm going to make sure that I brush my teeth later on, but I'm already so tired and the day has barely started and I haven't done anything, but shower. I don't want to do anything else.

That's the thing. I don't not consistently practice hygiene because I think 'I'm so sad. I'm not going to brush my teeth today. I'm so sad. I won't shower today.' Very rarely is it a conscious decision.
Usually, the time to brush my teeth/shower will come around and I'm like 'I'm too tired.' [to do it]--if I think to do it at all. A lot of the time I'll go so long without doing one or the other, it stops being a thought in my head ('I should brush my teeth/shower.').

Obviously I AM sad and I lack motivation, but why? Why am I so tired all the time?

 

[U. A.]

Brush teeth while showering.

​

 

[Good night]

I can relate to that, it happens to me too. If I'm not experiencing episodes of fatigue (where I have to stay in bed all day for weeks), I can be more consistent about brushing my teeth, but showering is more difficult for me. In my case, I would say it's a combination of causes: problems with executive function, episodes of depression, sensory issues, hardly ever socializing, and not feeling the need to be clean.

I do it when I feel strong enough or when "it's too much," but I try not to punish myself for it and to be more patient with myself.

 

[boyafraid]

I relate to your post and hygiene struggles ):

Sometimes it feels impossible for me to get into the shower or even brush my teeth. I pretty much have to force my body to do it, it really sucks. Brushing my teeth feels a little easier than showering most times.

 

[wantingdignity]

I feel for you the answer should be that "I need to brush my teeth and shower because my body deserves to be clean and my nerves deserve to have a chance to relax." But it's easier said than done, and it's extra hard if you have to exist in your head all day, or if you don't have anything else scheduled.

It might feel cheesey, but give yourself praise for being able to do this today. Depression is like playing a video game on the highest difficulty while everyone else is in easy mode. I bet it felt good to clean off the dead skin, rinse off, and brush your teeth. Focus on that. It will get easier over time. Don't beat yourself up for being in the early stages of healing (even if you've had to do this before).

 

[Dreamwalker]

Obviously I AM sad and I lack motivation, but why? Why am I so tired all the time?

It takes a lot of effort to suffer through being sad and not having motivation; please be gentle with yourself

 

[Dejected 55]

It's only partially about the effort... I think, for me anyway, it's more about the "why bother" of it all. I'm not trying to live longer, so there is no health-based motivation. Me at my best wasn't impressing anyone, so what's the point in putting in effort? I can be just as miserable without wasting energy on things that nobody cares about anyway?

It's not like taking a shower and dressing up fixes everything. It's just a mask... and underneath I'm a wreck barely able to stand and function... so what is the point? I'm only motivated to do things that curb more pain... so, teeth is something to be motivated for because I've had toothaches before and those are some of the worst pain you can have... and without money or insurance I have no way to medically deal with tooth pain so if I'm not dying tomorrow I need to take care of my teeth today. But showers, or lack thereof, don't necessarily cause any problems that bother me... so there isn't a motivating factor for me sitting here alone all the time to be concerned about missing a shower here and there.

 

[venerated-vader]

I have spent months not showering, in the past. it's got to do with energy level and, for me, OCD bullshit. It's hard to care about our hygiene if existence itself is grueling, and if every second of your existence is spent in constant emotional pain and suffering, having the willpower to get up and do something you don't want to do anyway is impossible. I get stuck on obsessive thoughts about how difficult it'll be to do, so I just give up.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

im the same way. i dont know why its so hard for me i really dont. but what i tell myself is that i dont have hatred for others when they struggle with it so i shouldnt have hatred for myself when i struggle with it.

 

[ethereal_hobo]

I've never had a major problem with this, that I can remember anyway, but I'm pretty consistent with showering every evening for the following reason. I basically have a habit where I have dinner in the evening, then wash the dishes, then I usually feel like having a shower before too long. It helps that I've usually managed to splash some dishwater somewhere on my clothes lol.

I'm not as good at washing my face, brushing my teeth etc. in the morning, but I usually get it done at some point. Sometimes I have annoying thoughts in my head as I'm trying to do this. Distracting myself with music or podcasts can help.

 

[goldenwitch]

I don't know, but I relate. Even when I end up facing serious medical issues requiring emergency surgery from poor hygiene I can't get myself up from bed. It's so embarassing and degrading watching doctors flinch in disgust as they try to take care of me.
Living with my family, privacy was not really a privilege you were afforded + I had been SA-d quite a few times, so I'm really afraid of being naked or lewd in general, which makes it hard for me to shower. Also when I was growing up we didn't really have money for water heating most of the time so most of the relatives I lived with didn't really shower either, so I guess I didn't have the opportunity to make a ritual out of bathing and whatnot.
So if I had to guess... it's probably an accumulation of lived experience that's different for everyone. Maintaining hygiene is a chore with little reward. It feels like life only punishes you when you can't be clean enough but it doesn't reward you when you try your best, so it's hard to maintain the habit of attempting to force yourself to remain hygienic.

 

[deny_conformity]

I usually go a week or so without a shower, I have no idea why. I don't mind showering and I like being clean but I just don't shower very often. I simply can't motivate myself to do it more often.

On the flip side I brush my teeth twice a day, sometimes I even manage to floss in the evening.

 

[Realgar]

I require nicotine gum and caffeine tablets to give me the concentration and energy for proper hygiene.

 

[Dejected 55]

The other thing about showers is... You take one and then you are supposed to take one every day. But if you skip a few days and take one, you are still expected to take one the next day. Whenever you take a shower, however clean you get... you are considered dirty if you don't take one every day. I had a friend who took at least two showers most days and he didn't do work or exercise daily that even broke a sweat to make that kind of showering necessary.

So... after a while, if you're depressed and lack energy for most things... it starts to weigh on you the "why" of it all... and why do I have to take a shower every day to please people who don't want to have anything to do with me anyway? If I'm doing it for them, why? If I'm doing it for me and I don't want to do it daily, then why?

 

[etherealgoddess]

Today I showered for the first time in a couple of weeks. I know. I know. It's gross. I won't go into too much detail.

I don't know why I'm so neglectful of my hygiene. Genuinely. I tend to flip-flop between struggles. If I consistently brush my teeth, I'll go days/weeks without showering. If I consistently shower, I'll go months without brushing my teeth. I can't do both.
I'm going to make sure that I brush my teeth later on, but I'm already so tired and the day has barely started and I haven't done anything, but shower. I don't want to do anything else.

That's the thing. I don't not consistently practice hygiene because I think 'I'm so sad. I'm not going to brush my teeth today. I'm so sad. I won't shower today.' Very rarely is it a conscious decision.
Usually, the time to brush my teeth/shower will come around and I'm like 'I'm too tired.' [to do it]--if I think to do it at all. A lot of the time I'll go so long without doing one or the other, it stops being a thought in my head ('I should brush my teeth/shower.').

Obviously I AM sad and I lack motivation, but why? Why am I so tired all the time?

I think the reason why it's so hard for our bodies to work when we're depressed is because especially when you're a NEET and essentially know you aren't in a survival position anymore (like you're prob not going to die from hunger, water, the elements any time soon), your body is ready to process old baggage again. Then it basically is bringing up all the old emotional memories up and wants to get it processed. So in your mind, you think, "Why can't I brush my teeth?" But it's like having a computer that has 5000 things running in the background so the actual screen of the computer is slow. The 5000 things in the background is your body being like, "What the actual heck happened in my childhood???" You think nothing is wrong, but it's all stuffed down in the psyche. Your actual consciousness is 5% of your whole psyche. There's 95% that's doing it's own thing like an involuntary organ. It's like the heart that pumps or your lungs that breathe on their own. That 95% of your psyche is the same as your heart or stomach or kidney. You have to heal it bit by bit. It is a ridiculous amount of energy and time to do so. But it is so worth it. It's like years of hard work to really undo trauma. But you should also take a med on top of it so you don't have to ruin your life with episodes. You can heal while on meds. Two birds with one stone.

But back to survival mode: That's why I think, especially with immigrant parents, lots of immigrant parents will complain about their children (first gen) not working hard enough. Immigrant parents know that they have trauma, but they know they have babies depending on them and themselves, and if they don't make money, their family and children will suffer. They are in what we like to call survival mode. The body does not have time to think about trauma in survival mode. But when you're not in a state of survival like a first gen or because your parents have enough money to pay for you or you're just in a situation where you don't have to physically survive, you never end up in survival mode. So the body wants to process things. The only time people are still struggling while in survival mode are people with extreme levels of trauma like homeless people.

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

I understand. I've gone weeks without brushing my teeth and a month without showering. It's a lot of effort, especially if you have long hair because then you need to take care of that. No judgement here, friend! I'm currently procrastinating on washing my hair. It's all matted. :/

 

[Grog]

It's hard because I just want to relax. Showering takes effort. No one comes to visit me anyway, so who am I trying to look clean for?
I only shower when I feel physically uncomfortable. That usually happens after four days of no showering. The act of showering itself doesn't feel good; it doesn't give me any sort of relief. I'm at the stage in my life where I don't want to do something if it doesn't make me feel better.
It's a broken and flawed way of thinking, but that is how I deal with everything now. Will this make me feel good? No? Then I'm not doing it.
I wish I never got to this point. I don't want to function like this. But I am so riddled with trauma, I don't know how to function normally anymore.