Discussion why do you sh?

[3spiral]

I think that people usually start self harming pretty young. while I never had the habit I started noticing this really weird and strong urge to hurt myself 1 or 2 years ago? I'm always insecure that I'm making things up but thinking this makes me want to do it even more so sorry if I'm being stupid I just wanted a space to discuss this freely. searching about these topics usually just leads to the "seek help" thing lol
thing is I don't know if I even feel anything good when I try it, maybe just a rush of adrenaline that "wakes me up". it's more about being able to see the results later, especially if there's blood. I noticed I also have a tendency of exposing myself to content that bothers or triggers me to search for a similar feeling. not sure why I like seeing myself being hurt so much. we were talking about topics like these at school and my friend said that someone must be crazy if they want to cut themselves which made me feel like a bit of a weirdo? help I don't understand my own feelings

 

[Nitlott]

I don't know if I can say that it's the reason why I cut because it just feels like just another option to deal with something. But I get this feeling every time, I think it's the best feeling on earth... Of finally feeling like you're living. Everything feels more real than it has ever been, like you couldn't breath through your nose all your life and now you can, something like that. I don't know how to properly describe it though... The best description I could come up with is getting rid of that constant buzz you had in your ears. You probably can get this feeling other ways, but I think it mainly has to do with the adrenaline. No idea how it's measured though. I had an accident with a needle and my eye and that lasted me two days, when me cutting lasted almost a week. Maybe it's because I refrain from cutting for long times, I measure the amount of cuts I can make and when like it's some goods I supply the local town with man. I also like seeing my blood, not because it's a result of me being hurt but uh. Yeah. I like bleeding from my nose better though...

I noticed I also have a tendency of exposing myself to content that bothers or triggers me to search for a similar feeling.

Me too, I think it has something to do with morbid curiousity more. I used to watch gore videos years ago from Liveleak and it's copycats when it closed, watchpeopledie, eyeblech, gurochan... Stuff like that. I also remember reading pdfs on cases which had pictures of the scene. There was a case regarding some kind of a submarine which was really brutal, it's better that I don't remember the name. I didn't even do that because I enjoyed it or out of educational purposes, just to shock myself I guess. The scary part is that you get used to it, glad I ditched that. I'm even happy a little that some of those sites and subs got banned to be honest
On only crazy people wanting to cut... It's kind of true if you call people having mental health problems crazy, but I don't think that it's that rare for people to do it. It's just one of those statements you use to simplify hard topics

 

[UltraAlter]

I don't know if I can say that it's the reason why I cut because it just feels like just another option to deal with something. But I get this feeling every time, I think it's the best feeling on earth... Of finally feeling like you're living. Everything feels more real than it has ever been, like you couldn't breath through your nose all your life and now you can, something like that. I don't know how to properly describe it though... The best description I could come up with is getting rid of that constant buzz you had in your ears. You probably can get this feeling other ways, but I think it mainly has to do with the adrenaline. No idea how it's measured though. I had an accident with a needle and my eye and that lasted me two days, when me cutting lasted almost a week. Maybe it's because I refrain from cutting for long times, I measure the amount of cuts I can make and when like it's some goods I supply the local town with man. I also like seeing my blood, not because it's a result of me being hurt but uh. Yeah. I like bleeding from my nose better though...

Me too, I think it has something to do with morbid curiousity more. I used to watch gore videos years ago from Liveleak and it's copycats when it closed, watchpeopledie, eyeblech, gurochan... Stuff like that. I also remember reading pdfs on cases which had pictures of the scene. There was a case regarding some kind of a submarine which was really brutal, it's better that I don't remember the name. I didn't even do that because I enjoyed it or out of educational purposes, just to shock myself I guess. The scary part is that you get used to it, glad I ditched that. I'm even happy a little that some of those sites and subs got banned to be honest
On only crazy people wanting to cut... It's kind of true if you call people having mental health problems crazy, but I don't think that it's that rare for people to do it. It's just one of those statements you use to simplify hard topics

I think you explained it pretty well. Although I'm sure it's different for everyone, but this explanation resonates with me. Although I don't SH any more, it did become an addiction of sorts in my past. You're right in that it makes you feel alive when ordinarily you maybe don't feel so? Idk…. I can't entirely remember my own reasonings now since it was a while ago that I was in that space. I also found myself seeking content that triggered episodes. No idea why now.

Maybe commenting here for me is irrelevant since it doesn't necessarily affect me anymore. Just putting my useless 2 cents in I guess

 

[timf]

The associated feelings of being in control can be a rush that can reach addictive proportions. If one is in a situation where one is not able to control their environment or circumstances (particularly if it is negative), feelings of control can be hard to come by. Younger people in families and school can be at greater risk because they can often feel helpless. Additionally, sitting 6-8 hours a day in school staring at ones arms can make cutting tempting.

 

[nonliv]

For me it's feeling light-headed, drowsy, a bit tired so the stress I have from my ocd is shrunken from blood loss. I also think that your mind focuses on the pain instead of something mental going on in your head, even if it's just for a moment

 

[whitetaildeer]

Helplessness, and for dealing with anger or intrusive thoughts pertaining to violence. I don't like doing it, but it's sort of a last resort to calm myself down if nothing else works.

 

[iLikeFrogs]

either to calm down from an episode or to feel part of relief that only an attempt could bring me. I recently switched from cutting to smoking and it feels like a safer method, at least for a short wihle. It's givng me a bit of relief to feel the harm

 

[4colliez]

with time it kind of became a "look, im hurting so much i'm willing to do this", but mostly focusing on physical pain helps distract from the emotional pain. it's very much a distraction for me, only happens when im really distressed. emotional regulation of some sort

if you haven't gotten into the habit/relying on it, id really suggest you don't try it anymore. it's something that's really hard to get out of

 

[3spiral]

with time it kind of became a "look, im hurting so much i'm willing to do this", but mostly focusing on physical pain helps distract from the emotional pain. it's very much a distraction for me, only happens when im really distressed. emotional regulation of some sort

if you haven't gotten into the habit/relying on it, id really suggest you don't try it anymore. it's something that's really hard to get out of

I don't have the habit, it's just that the urge is strong sometimes

 

[sinnrr-sistrr]

I'm surprised I never replied to this thread.

I found that I sh because it's my way of materializing my internal suffering, make it visible, that's how it started at least. I was going through years of neglect from the system and I didn't have many people who would actually take my issues seriously, so I cut to remind myself that I was suffering, that it wasn't all fake.

Then ig it just kinda became an obsession/addiction. Nowadays when I have urges I never think "Oh I want to make my inner problems visible" because I have plenty of people who worry about me now. Cutting now just makes me worry about something else for a while, also it gets me to take care of myself when I care for my wounds.

I like having scars, it's still a reminder that I'm in pain. I like having that red on my body, a constant reminder that I'm not okay, and that it's okay. It's my way of dealing with strong emotions.

I have much much more to say on why I sh and how it helps, maybe I'll add more later...~✿

with time it kind of became a "look, im hurting so much i'm willing to do this", but mostly focusing on physical pain helps distract from the emotional pain. it's very much a distraction for me, only happens when im really distressed. emotional regulation of some sort

I actually really really relate with that. It's almost exactly why I sh!

 

[softfur]

like the same reason homer strangles bart

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

because it makes me feel good

 

[limitededitiongirl]

it makes my brain shut up when things are too loud and also blood pretty

 

[FoxSauce]

When my thoughts or voices (i jave no idea what they are) are too loud they can shut up if i sh

Punishment
Or just relief stress and not feel emotions

 

[4colliez]

I don't have the habit, it's just that the urge is strong sometimes

please try to not give in to the urge it works like an addiction and it's so easy to start relying on it. i wish id never started

 

[3spiral]

please try to not give in to the urge it works like an addiction and it's so easy to start relying on it. i wish id never started

does it make sense if I want to keep doing something because I know that it can become bigger and get out of my control? I feel guilty saying this, and it's one of the reasons why I sometimes think I actually really deserve that. I used to purposefully isolate myself and spiral on bad thoughts because I knew that this would hurt me but that's why I still wanted to do it, for some reason. and I feel the effects from this now. I can't say that I enjoy it but I can't say that I regret it either. I always want something else to hurt me that's out of my control

sorry this is probably embarassing I always feel guilty when thinking about this :l

 

[4colliez]

does it make sense if I want to keep doing something because I know that it can become bigger and get out of my control? I feel guilty saying this, and it's one of the reasons why I sometimes think I actually really deserve that. I used to purposefully isolate myself and spiral on bad thoughts because I knew that this would hurt me but that's why I still wanted to do it, for some reason. and I feel the effects from this now. I can't say that I enjoy it but I can't say that I regret it either. I always want something else to hurt me that's out of my control

sorry this is probably embarassing I always feel guilty when thinking about this :l

it's okay i understand a bit better. that's something that runs really deep and i'd say a lot of people do sh (and not just cutting) for similar reasons. i think that guilt is an important part of self awareness so deep down you probably know this isn't the way to go.. and it's better to feel guilty about a fantasy rather than a real situation you can't get yourself out of

self destructiveness/sabotage is so easy and self control so hard, but since you're posting in recovery i do hope things manage to get better for you (i hope all this makes sense lol bad english and i'm tired)

 

[3spiral]

it's okay i understand a bit better. that's something that runs really deep and i'd say a lot of people do sh (and not just cutting) for similar reasons. i think that guilt is an important part of self awareness so deep down you probably know this isn't the way to go.. and it's better to feel guilty about a fantasy rather than a real situation you can't get yourself out of

self destructiveness/sabotage is so easy and self control so hard, but since you're posting in recovery i do hope things manage to get better for you (i hope all this makes sense lol bad english and i'm tired)

thank you :) getting a little bit of understanding towards it makes me feel some relief

 

[sinnrr-sistrr]

thank you :) getting a little bit of understanding towards it makes me feel some relief

In the end, you do what you want to your body, but I'm telling you, getting over that first hurdle of doing it for the first time leads you to develop a habit. When you become addicted, stopping becomes almost impossible, and even if you stop, it's gonna follow you for years.

Just be careful is all~✿

 

[Imausername]

Some things are just too painful to process so I cut words into my arms as a way to express and communicate. It makes my mental pain real for others to see how bad I'm hurting

 

[webb&flow]

take a notebook + a pencil and start writing random things furiously into it. this is violent and expressive, leaving you feeling better.

Selfharm is painfully unfeasible as coping mechanism. I am writing this primarily for OP, as well as ANYONE reading this. If you haven't tried, please do not start. There are better ways to reduce pain.

selfharm quickly goes from "hell yeah hit it" to a slog of despair, with apathetic sighs. it exhausts a person mentally and physically. it intensely affects your self-image and, once it becomes a thing for someone, it is complex to deconstruct.

the urge for selfharm is in my opinion the root of where suicidal ideation themselves come from. If you are interested in recovery, do not selfharm. If you want to get better, it's best not to feed those impulses, in that way. Instead, channel them into something that gives healing and catharsis, directing its intensity away from your body, not into it.

There are better coping mechanisms. Literally anything. Selfharm is both addictive as well as damaging; and it quickly wears itself out.
I cannot stress enough how beneficial it is to not take this up. It can get really bad and leave you with some painful injuries. Injuries that will take years to heal. Yes, they can heal. But once you're in the selfharm mindset, you'll want more wounds, more blood, more pain. These are less discussed parts of selfharm, the psychological affects. Yes, it can be healed, but avoiding harm is a great act of healing.

Self Harm Resources

This post is written by @Dot, I am just the messenger Self Harm It's known that there are many users on the forum who self harm for different reasons. This thread is focused mostly on habitual or impulsive/physical self harm. This thread has not been made for any glorification of self harm...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

Some different methods to help with urges can include:

• 'Urge surfing' (click for worksheet) for which there is a complimentary meditation
• Distractions - click for a downloadable and printable sheet of distraction methods
• Exercises to help emotional overwhelm which can be found here
• There are also products available as an alternative which are designed to help reduce self-harm such as the Self-Harm Recovery Pen
• FatalToTheFleshCom - A site which replicates self harm injury without causing direct harm in order to help harmers calm down during urges

The SH recovery pen recreates the feeling without breaking skin, even has optional inks that simulate the healing process

 

[suicidallysane]

i actually relapsed recently (like 2-3 weeks ago, maybe?) and I'm kind of on here as a coping mechanism of some sorts, since I don't want to continue. I started shing when I was 14 after years of dealing with depression, and I completely get you when you say you feel like you're faking. It's been around six years and I still feel like everything is in my head and that I'm doing it to myself. for me sh started as an outlet to actually *feel* something! I spent my entire childhood growing up shoving emotions such as anger and sadness down because they were so overwhelming n I was never given the space to feel what I felt and be told it's okay. what I noticed recently though is I really like the feeling of the object over my skin, injuring me. I like seeing the blood and the fact that the pain is real and in my face. It feels exhilarating, like not as good as drugs maybe but kind of close. I feel lightheaded. It's something about punishing myself. I feel so much at times that all I want is to do something, to hurt myself, to explode, I want to escape my body. I actually think I've gotten better with my urges, but it used to be some sort of a compulsion, like I *needed* to hurt myself and nothing else would make me feel better. the first thing I'd think of when being upset was just hurting myself, but now I lean towards drinking/substances to numb myself. It's just something about cutting/sh that makes you want to get worse and go deeper and make your pain visible, like yes this is real, what I feel is really that bad. I don't miss those days. the "validation" that you get from hurting turns into a cycle that never feels enough, never will be enough, because that's not a healthy way of coping. I don't want to live the rest of my life having the urge to hurt myself. But it's hard.

 

[ScaredPossum]

I can't remember exactly when my SH habits started. It gives me a sense of control over things when I think I'm losing grip on everything. The pain also feels weirdly relieving in nullifying the emotional pain I may feel.

 

[deny_conformity]

I'm not sure why I started but I used to tell myself it was to punish myself or gro7nd myself. The truth is I enjoyed the ritual, the scratchy pain and just watching blood rush into the fresh wound and drip down my skin. I also liked the feeling of my freshly scabbed skin.

 

[difficvltmachineryy]

I do it to cope with stress, boredom and my suicidal ideation