4colliez
washed k9
- Nov 17, 2025
- 99
It's so hard to keep trying, because I've been trying and trying for months. When I attempted a few months ago all the doctors and nurses were telling me about how they're going to do everything to get me proper help. That professionals care about your wellbeing and that they WANT to help.
And now here I am, still suicidal 24/7, I have a a new plan, and NO HELP. The psychiatrist and therapist who were "helping me" have fully given up on me. Maybe it's my issues talking and the way I see the world but I can't see it as anything other than abandonment and pure failure. And this has happened before so it's reinforcing my belief that I am beyond help.
My life is on a complete downward spiral, I hate that I have no control over anything currently going on. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate the way my future looks. Every single moment is pure emotional torture, with feelings I cannot control at all. I've made up something in my head that is constantly hurting me and I can't stop it. All while simultaneously being trapped in my "self awareness" which is really just be doubting everyone's and my own feelings constantly. I let myself believe I'm disgusting and pathetic for any little thing I feel. That I'm disgusting for even wanting to talk or spend time with anyone because I don't deserve it.
I do want to get better but I just can't make sense of this life anymore. I'm tortured every single day by my own brain. I wish so badly that this thing in my head could become real so that I could be happy instead of in pain. But I'm too weak to help myself. And I have no other help. No meds. No motivation. No one to care for me. What am I even supposed to do anymore?
And now here I am, still suicidal 24/7, I have a a new plan, and NO HELP. The psychiatrist and therapist who were "helping me" have fully given up on me. Maybe it's my issues talking and the way I see the world but I can't see it as anything other than abandonment and pure failure. And this has happened before so it's reinforcing my belief that I am beyond help.
My life is on a complete downward spiral, I hate that I have no control over anything currently going on. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate the way my future looks. Every single moment is pure emotional torture, with feelings I cannot control at all. I've made up something in my head that is constantly hurting me and I can't stop it. All while simultaneously being trapped in my "self awareness" which is really just be doubting everyone's and my own feelings constantly. I let myself believe I'm disgusting and pathetic for any little thing I feel. That I'm disgusting for even wanting to talk or spend time with anyone because I don't deserve it.
I do want to get better but I just can't make sense of this life anymore. I'm tortured every single day by my own brain. I wish so badly that this thing in my head could become real so that I could be happy instead of in pain. But I'm too weak to help myself. And I have no other help. No meds. No motivation. No one to care for me. What am I even supposed to do anymore?
