Why do most people get so mad when you talk about suicide?

[G000pie]

I've tried talking about suicidal thoughts with family and friends and each time it seemed like they got mad and shut down the conversation quickly. It's been very isolating, after a while I just gave up entirely and kept such feelings to myself and/or with a therapist- and even then most therapists I've talked to move on from the subject pretty quickly.
Why? Why are we so uncomfortable with the subject? It's a normal instinct for when things have been unbearable for a long time. It's a merciful thing, and yet people run from it, demonize it, get angry at the mere mention of it

 

[Light_]

i think it is because it doesn't resonate with their life orientation. they don't understand how anyone could need/want it. people often react with anger to things they don't understand.

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

I've tried talking about suicidal thoughts with family and friends and each time it seemed like they got mad and shut down the conversation quickly. It's been very isolating, after a while I just gave up entirely and kept such feelings to myself and/or with a therapist- and even then most therapists I've talked to move on from the subject pretty quickly.
Why? Why are we so uncomfortable with the subject? It's a normal instinct for when things have been unbearable for a long time. It's a merciful thing, and yet people run from it, demonize it, get angry at the mere mention of it

Not only do they not help us, but we are also a nuisance to them. They do not understand us or help us, neither family, nor government, nor doctors. Not one person has asked me how to try to help me, and when I took antidepressants, besides the fact that the only thing they did was make me sleepy and make me look like a zombie, no doctor even wanted to try to understand me, stuffing me with chemical pills is not going to solve my situation, the only thing I need is for someone to help me find a way to earn money or escape from this fucking disgusting town where the only thing you can do is sit on the floor and die of misery and loneliness.
Why the hell have I paid so many taxes since I started working in 2000? If now that I need help nobody helps me!
This world is garbage, we are all slaves to disgusting money while some have billions in their account, it doesn't make any fucking sense. stinking shit world, slave world

 

[Sleeper System]

I've never talked to anyone about what I'm going through.
Suicide is a very dark and negative energy. Most of us feel comfortable with it because we've sat with it for so long. Not everyone can or should want to explore that topic. Suicide talk can infect others with the same bug we have. Some people think it's too heavy a topic and don't want to burden themselves with it

The same way people want to die for different reasons is the same way people have different reasons for not wanting to talk about it.

Not only do they not help us, but we are also a nuisance to them. They do not understand us or help us, neither family, nor government, nor doctors. Not one person has asked me how to try to help me, and when I took antidepressants, besides the fact that the only thing they did was make me sleepy and make me look like a zombie, no doctor even wanted to try to understand me, stuffing me with chemical pills is not going to solve my situation, the only thing I need is for someone to help me find a way to earn money or escape from this fucking disgusting town where the only thing you can do is sit on the floor and die of misery and loneliness.
Why the hell have I paid so many taxes since I started working in 2000? If now that I need help nobody helps me!
This world is garbage, we are all slaves to disgusting money while some have billions in their account, it doesn't make any fucking sense. stinking shit world, slave world

Nobody wants to help. They just want to take our money and makes us shut up. There is no cure for this. They know it. We know it. They profit from it. We suffer from it. There are only temporary escapea but ultimately there is no helping us.

 

[hereornot]

Don't talk about this. Or live the consequences

 

[dontwakemeup]

People seem uncomfortable with death no matter the reason. A person can be 116 Years old and they will question why did they die? What could have went wrong? Request an autopsy and such things Some people search for the fountain of youth at 99 years old and desire to live forever and see death as inevitable.

Death makes people uncomfortable! If they can't accept Grandma died at 115 yes old then they certainly want no parts of any suicide conversations! I'm willing to bet that suicide has crossed majority of the population as an idea at some point, but they will never admit it!

I think medical professionals shy from suicide discussions because when you bring it up they have to "do something" about it. You can't simply tell any medical professionals you want to committ suicide because now you have crossed the line within their ethics and their legal obligations. Some of your friends may have careers where you place them in vulnerable situations and they have to report.

I think this is why when people commit suicide often family and friends will almost always say, "there were no signs!" I'm sure that person at some point tried to discuss it and they made it very clear they didn't want any parts of the conversation. So we go quiet then. Hopefully, that helps.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

People seem uncomfortable with death no matter the reason. A person can be 116 Years old and they will question why did they die? What could have went wrong? Request an autopsy and such things Some people search for the fountain of youth at 99 years old and desire to live forever and see death as inevitable.

Death makes people uncomfortable! If they can't accept Grandma died at 115 yes old then they certainly want no parts of any suicide conversations! I'm willing to bet that suicide has crossed majority of the population as an idea at some point, but they will never admit it!

I think medical professionals shy from suicide discussions because when you bring it up they have to "do something" about it. You can't simply tell any medical professionals you want to committ suicide because now you have crossed the line within their ethics and their legal obligations. Some of your friends may have careers where you place them in vulnerable situations and they have to report.

I think this is why when people commit suicide often family and friends will almost always say, "there were no signs!" I'm sure that person at some point tried to discuss it and they made it very clear they didn't want any parts of the conversation. So we go quiet then. Hopefully, that helps.

they don't want to talk about the most certain thing of all that they and every human will die .

 

[Pyxel]

Imo, there's a lot of consequences with discussing that stuff with others.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Imo, there's a lot of consequences with discussing that stuff with others.

It really is! I never wanted my suicide something to be ashamed of and spoke openly about it and my 1000 reasons why. Well a few people grew sick of it, concerned or whatever you call it and 5 cops cars came banging at my door I never shared my personal thoughts with anyone else again besides on here. If you come to me and say you're suicidal, I won't listen! I want no parts of that. I will quickly change the subject. I've had 2 co-workers confess they had suicidal thoughts and I quickly changed the subject and suggested they call the helpline and walked away ‍I didn't ask for a plan, a reason or nothing. I was gone

 

[cme-dme]

It's an uncomfortable topic to discuss most of the time, so people tend to avoid the discussion of suicide when possible. It's a topic that most don't know how to talk about which results in tension and discomfort. For the people that do know how to discuss it, you often have to show emotional vulnerability to empathize with them which many people are not willing to do.

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

Not only do they not help us, but we are also a nuisance to them. They do not understand us or help us, neither family, nor government, nor doctors. Not one person has asked me how to try to help me, and when I took antidepressants, besides the fact that the only thing they did was make me sleepy and make me look like a zombie, no doctor even wanted to try to understand me, stuffing me with chemical pills is not going to solve my situation, the only thing I need is for someone to help me find a way to earn money or escape from this fucking disgusting town where the only thing you can do is sit on the floor and die of misery and loneliness.
Why the hell have I paid so many taxes since I started working in 2000? If now that I need help nobody helps me!
This world is garbage, we are all slaves to disgusting money while some have billions in their account, it doesn't make any fucking sense. stinking shit world, slave world

Yeah it's pretty insane. By all accounts I did really well money wise. Good salary and good savings. Wish I could say it alleviated my anxiety surrounding money or the fact that I always felt I was wasting my life doing something I didn't want to do.

 

[particularrodent]

it is hard for the human brain to conceptualize death despite being aware of it. most people see death as something thats forced upon people, so when someone brings up the idea of suicide, a choice for death, they can't handle the intensity or the logic of the subject and want to run from it, i think

 

[zombiegirl]

people don't like to be uncomfortable

 

[quietism]

people don't like to be uncomfortable

It's an uncomfortable topic to discuss most of the time, so people tend to avoid the discussion of suicide when possible. It's a topic that most don't know how to talk about which results in tension and discomfort. For the people that do know how to discuss it, you often have to show emotional vulnerability to empathize with them which many people are not willing to do.

Yes.
To quote one of my favourite books, the gentrification of the mind by Sarah Schulman:

Herein lies the problem. We live with an idea of happiness that is based in other people's diminishment. But we do not address this because we hold an idea of happiness that precludes being uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is required in order to be accountable. Be we currently live with a stupefying cultural value that makes being uncomfortable something to be avoided at all costs. Even at the cost of living a false life at the expense of others in an unjust society. We have a concept of happiness that excludes asking uncomfortable questions and saying things that are true but which might make us and others uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable or asking others to be uncomfortable is practically considered antisocial because the revelation of truth is tremendously dangerous to supremacy. As a result, we have a society in which the happiness of the privileged is based on never starting the process towards becoming accountable. If we want to transform the way we live, we will have to reposition being uncomfortable as a part of life, as part of the process of being a full human being, and as a personal responsibility. Once we can embrace the fact that it won't kill us, and start the process, with repetition it becomes more tolerable. And once the prohibition on being uncomfortable is diluted, dismantling gentrified thinking and supremacy ideology becomes an interesting and natural part of being alive. Ultimately it becomes invigorating and then, exciting—I love the moment of recognition that I am uncomfortable and the process of trying to understand why. This insight makes my interior life richer, and I feel deeper and more human.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine it makes a part of them panic. This is something you are obviously considering. Now- shouldn't they now say or do something to dissuade you from it? How guilty will they feel if they can't now stop you or, if they don't put in enough effort to stop you? Plus, they may be anticipating the grief they will go through if you do it.

Rather than do what they ought to do and try to appreciate life from your point of view: Isn't it awful that this person you care about is feeling this low? Their reaction suggests to me that they are primarily seeing it from their perspective- What do I do with this information now? How will it impact me if they go ahead with it?

I reckon they become frustrated/ annoyed because these aren't emotions they want to feel. It may not even be a 'problem' they can solve if the person's problems seem too great or, their perspective of them won't shift. So- the person doesn't want to accept that they may lose their loved one soon. Plus, they may either not see a way of fixing their loved one's problem or more likely- they may feel that their loved one could fix their own problem but, isn't willing to. So- in their eyes- perhaps they're giving up on themselves but, also them.

They're effectively telling them they will be leaving them by choice. If they don't appreciate the reason why- that the person's problems aren't severe enough- they may well feel hurt and angry about that.

With therapists, I just get the impression they think that preventing people from dwelling on suicidal thoughts will maybe make them go away! Maybe they have a point. I sometimes wonder if we get caught up in negative thought patterns- almost out of habit. Still- I reckon that's at the very start. By the time a lot of us may be trying to talk to someone about them, I imagine for many people, they have become predominant enough in our lives to have become a problem. So, I also think it's ridiculous for therapists in particular to brush over them.

In fact, anyone ought to be all over them. Even to ask outright: 'Are you having suicidal thoughts? What is it about your life that is causing you so much pain? Are there ways we can think of together to change things for the better?'

 

[waistcoat]

because most people don't want to help they just want to push your issues under the carpet

 

[Apathy79]

I've had 2 examples in my life of people close to me opening up like this with different responses on my part so this is anecdotal but might be useful.

The first was a cousin who was constantly complaining about all kinds of things all through her life. I'd usually tolerate it for a bit then start to tune out. Later she started talking about suicide, even in a way that seemed like threatening it if no-one listened. I tuned right out then. Treated that behaviour as like an attention seeking child that shouldn't be acknowledged until they go about it the right way. She's still alive fwiw, and still complaining about everything constantly.

The second was my best friend and the reason I ultimately came here. He very rarely complained but opened up to me one night about a suicide attempt he had made, and how he would have succeeded if his mother didn't find him, and how he was disappointed he didn't succeed, and how everything that led him to that point still very much exists. This I took seriously, and we had a very long chat about it, essentially from sunset to sunrise. Mostly me trying to understand his situation. Unfortunately it didn't have the impact I hoped, as he later went through with it.

In my case, the constant complainer who seemed to be bringing up suicide for attention got a short thrift. The one who I thought was deadly serious, I wanted to connect with and see what I could do to help out (which turned out to not be much).

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's a normal instinct for when things have been unbearable for a long time. It's a merciful thing, and yet people run from it, demonize it, get angry at the mere mention of it

That's bc these people didn't go through hell that made them suicidal!

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I wish there's acceptance towards not wanting to suffer in this cruel, futile existence, I personally see so much cruelty in how humans wish to force others to suffer no matter what even know it's not their existence, nobody chose this in the first place and we are all just going to die anyway, death is all that's inevitable after all.

 

[owl_culture]

I understand, I wish there's acceptance towards not wanting to suffer in this cruel, futile existence, I personally see so much cruelty in how humans wish to force others to suffer no matter what even know it's not their existence, nobody chose this in the first place and we are all just going to die anyway, death is all that's inevitable after all.

You took the words right out of my mouth. It's amazing how the majority of people can't just accept that we have a choice with what we do with our lives

 

[inconstantprayer]

There is so much control in this world. We should all be allowed to die in peace, peacefully, with respect, if we so choose it. Who's life is it anyways? For me, its all about the peacefulness aspect. Without peacefulness, there can be no peaceful death. To me, death and life are inextricably linked. you cannot have life ( a good life) without being always open to and aware of the fact that its so fleeting. and conversely we cant have a good death without a high respect and reverence for life (whatever THAT is). Farbeit for me to stand on my soapbox and pretend to know anything whatsoever. I'm just speaking from my heart and soul, about the basics here, which requires some maturity I believe that too many do not possess unfortunately. That is probably what makes this place, and places like it, a magnet almost for lonely isolated deep-thinking outsiders that find they are not accepted very well by other people in this world who are also being told its wrong to have control over your own life and death.

I wish we could be honest with the world around us as we are within ourselves. I think we just need to find the right people that are mature and caring and compassionate, not the immature selfish souls that merely have no respect for life. I can understand how hard it is to lose the people I love the most. Maybe "we draw our circles too small" as mother theresa talked about, that in fact we need to "draw our circles larger", incorporating the entire human race into our family circle. I think people naturally get upset and mad when self death is mentioned because it means we might not be as much in control as we thought we were. In control of our own lives even, as well as the lives of our family members. I think it comes down to control, and to the fact that most people arent used to having to deal with these sorts of issues and would rather live their lives in a comforting numbness of ignorence. I can't blame them, becuase I would too if I could.

 

[finishLana]

Not suicidal people aren't into suicidal conversations. It makes people uncomfortable, scared. Which is understandable especially when you are aware how it all sounds to a mind that is focused on living.

 

[itbelikethat]

I asked my only friend if he could hold on to a flash drive. It would have contained a fairwell video detailing how I wanted my items and body handled. I will not make that mistake again.

Your loved ones want to see you get better, they want what's best for you, and they want you to be happy. It's hard for someone who wants to live to put themselves into the shoes of a person considering ctb, in fact I'm sure that they would say "I would want you to help me" if you asked them what they would want if the roles were reversed.

They just don't understand that for some people ctb is the only escape in sight. That the pain is unbearable or that all hope had finally been lost. To them it's inconceivable.

Don't hold it against them, they mean well.

 

[Hotsackage]

People don't like reality.

 

[yehxlder.666]

I actually got kicked out of home when i said i was suicidal back then. I guess they're probably underestimating your pain? Like "Life is harder than you think it is, you have no right to feel the way you feel." At least that's what a friend of mine told me. He told me that alot of people are starving around the world, dying due to wars etc... So i guess for most people, we are wasting our lives while there are people who wants to live and would give everything to have what we got, even if they'd feel pain for the rest of their lives.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

we are never going to get our right to die like we had before they made someone helping you with suicide a crime.

how are we going to get our right to die back if they have most people not wanting to even talk about suicide ? we won't

they have most people so brainwashed that they can't even get to talk about suicide. it's just words and they are so heavily programmed that they can't even get themselves to talk about suicide . wtf they are just a bunch of cells with a brain that can suffer unending constant unbearable pain, and what are they thinking they are? but extreme torture must be avoided at all costs
.

 

[lament.]

People can't understand what they aren't going through. Therapists can study a topic endlessly but if they have never been seriously suicidal themselves then they will never relate nor understand you on a fundamental level, so they will push it away and look for something they can actually help you with - which isn't very helpful for suicidal people.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I've run into this too. It's messed up a lot of my interpersonal relationships.

I think, more than anything, it's the feeling of helplessness that bothers people. They want to help, but don't know how, or simply cannot realistically provide the amount of support that is needed. I'm sure there's a bit of frustration too, a sort of "why can't you try harder" kind of mindset, but I feel like that's also coming from that same feeling of helplessness. In normal situations, people usually try to meet in the middle. But if both parties are already overextended and still cannot reach each other, then conflict arises. But in those sorts of situations where people struggle to understand why someone would feel that way… I think that makes it so much worse.

 

[webb&flow]

I've run into this too. It's messed up a lot of my interpersonal relationships.

I think, more than anything, it's the feeling of helplessness that bothers people. They want to help, but don't know how, or simply cannot realistically provide the amount of support that is needed. I'm sure there's a bit of frustration too, a sort of "why can't you try harder" kind of mindset, but I feel like that's also coming from that same feeling of helplessness. In normal situations, people usually try to meet in the middle. But if both parties are already overextended and still cannot reach each other, then conflict arises. But in those sorts of situations where people struggle to understand why someone would feel that way… I think that makes it so much worse.

Well-said. I like that you tied the reactions of frustration to a shared feeling of helplessness as well; quite humanistic, if I may say. Yes, it's often very hard for someone to understand something such as suicidal ideation and both the feeling itself and it's periphery aspects. A struggle to understand is a struggle indeed.

 

[Mooseanonsky]

Because they think life is actually worth living, so your suicidality makes them uncomfortable
humans + unconventional stuff = frustration