Discussion Which year was worst for you?

[everrgreenn]

2018. i picked out a date months before to ctb in the summer. i ended up not following through with it and still regret it. i stop seeing some of my friends, and my relationships started to fall apart. my cat got hit by a car and died, and my other cat ran away.(she was gone for a month but then luckily came back). a friend of mine killed himself, which was devastating. and then to top it all off, my sister had an attempt near the end of the year that left her in the psych ward. so it was definitely not a very good year.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Like which year had most bad events that made you realize you wanna ctb? Or simply was just worst one.

For me it was definitely 2018. If I could I would delete this whole shit year. Also I had my first attemp that year. From January to December it was just horrible. Every damn week or day something happened, like seriously. I'm so surprised I'm still here, honestly I thought I would be gone by now. But I'm so happy that my time is coming and I'm starting to accepting my fate and I just can't wait for that moment. I'm planning to ctb in two weeks, can't be here during the summer tho, shits will happen that time.

1998.

 

[not_a_robot]

Complete honesty?
All of them.

 

[Rose]

Have quite a few that could count, honestly.

First time was probably ~2005-7, I honestly can't remember as I was preschool/kindergarten age, whichever year this was really started my downward spiral. Somehow managed to get choked on not one but two occasions, by completely different people, both of whom I had trusted up until then. One was my friend, and the other was my sibling (who would go on for years to use me as a punching bag. I never fought back. My parents were negligent in both stopping it and getting me any sort of help. I was just expected to handle everything on my own for the most part. Sibling got plenty of care & attention, though, I guess for being the "louder" one with his problems)

Last half of 2014/first half of 15 is also a contender, first year of highschool, completely shut down. Had spent my elementary & middle school years around the same people, and even then I had bad anxiety & barely went. Guess the change just tipped the scales even more.

Honestly hard to place much, time is very hard for me to grasp unless it's a very important detail in a memory.

Last few years have been really bad, too.

 

[SinisterKid]

2008, the winner by overwhelming majority. 2007 finished in the best way possible with the best present anyone could wish for and 4 months later, the fucking wheels well and truly came off.

 

[Faraway1990]

My life has always had ups and downs when it was good it was great but when it was bad it was bad but 2016 everything was perfect or as much as it can be in this world then it was all taken from me it deviated me to my very core I've tried at life since then but I failed now I'm preparing in my last days to CTB

 

[mamiko9399]

1993' -if my mother will with better willpower-I've not been alive.But she just likes nasty play and voila-26yrs of waste of oxygen

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Between june 2018-june2019. Thought i would change then, be a better person

 

[LaBrava]

Up to now 2016, but I think 2019 may prove to be the worst and I may not see the end of it.

 

[medicinenightmares]

2018 was awful. My mom was diagnosed with cancer, then she had a couple of massive strokes that have seriously fucked with her quality of life. I'm only 20, so I'm not ready to lose my mom yet. My grandma died of cancer that year and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, there was no funeral. My great grandparents both died that year as well, within a couple of months of each other. I started to gain a lot of weight and now I'm really fat. There was a lot of death that I never healed from and it seemed to be all at once. Worst year ever.

 

[deathenvoy]

2019 is fucking nightmare. I was never so close to successfully CTB.

 

[Numbtopain97]

2018

 

[Taki]

Hard to rank but this year has been pretty shit. The worst I've been since my first attempt in 1983 when I was 14. I've been accumulating materials to ctb and rehearsing. A relationship ended and I had a series of panic attacks. But generally my outlook changed and I really saw the inevitability of suicide.

 

[ladolcemorte]

the worst is this year. Right now. My first suicide attempt was in 2006. At that point I didn't think things could get worse. I was wrong. Things WOULD get worse. Much worse. Two more attempts and many imminent plans that were somehow interrupted or otherwise derailed. Multiple hospitalizations. Then another attempt in summer of 2018, followed by a hospitalization that was remarkably helpful.

THEN I went back to work, thinking that the worst was behind me. (2016 and 2017 were absolutely brutal.). Little did I know the shit storm 2019 would bring.

 

[Letmego. Please]

1992
Got locked up in an old asylum type place, was on a mission to end my life so escaped at every opportunity to try to do so, until the day i escaped & jumped off the local carpark, i fucked myself over big time, not only was i stuck in a hospital bed for 3 odd months, but i was now unable to escape (though i did still try) & most importantly unable to top myself. They kindly let me back out under daily supervision in 1995.

Close second comes at 2006-2009 when on new yrs day my husband tell me he wants someone he can walk down the road with holding hands, i wheel not walk. Then it turns out he is screwing someone else, & a crazy brain mangling 3yrs of him falling out with her & coming back to me, then me kicking him out for still cheating, rinse & repeat till finally he walked out for good in 2009.

 

[glk]

2016. I failed catching the bus and thus gained a new reason to kill myself. And spent a fuckton-o-while in a hospital. Started to become more apathetic since then.
Though, from another perspective, it was probably the fastest year in my life. I don't remember much about it, except from what I already wrote in this post. Other years always feel like forever, which is a very unpleasant thing by itself.

 

[Swoods]

1994 got locked up and everything turned to shit.

 

[a_strange_day]

it's a tricky question for me since with every passing year it gets worse, so this one for now

 

[Baskol1]

It was definitely 2016. That was the year i was hospitalized too.

 

[manderley]

it's a tricky question for me since with every passing year it gets worse, so this one for now

I feel the same. Every year I think – this is the worst year of my life - but then the next year comes along and it's even worse

 

[Mr2005]

2004 is where it started. 2005 is where it should have ended. 2010 was the worst because it hadn't and 2019s been worse still because it still hasn't. Can't believe how long it's gone on

 

[Baskol1]

The good thing is that were not immortal. Immortaility would actually be horrible in an imperfect world.